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Original poster

How much time do you spend playing with your children?

65 replies

Juliehafrancis · 06/02/2005 22:46

Hiya..

I was watching the rules to roost programme on BBC 3 this evening and was amazed at how little they actually "played" with their children. I am always constantly getting accused of not playing with my daughter enough by my dp but I would say I spent at least 3 hours of undevoted (i.e no disruptions) time a day and would never expect for her to play on her own for a long period of time unless I was near by and could interact with her while cleaning etc
Just wondered what the general consensus is....

Would be interested in everyone's opinions.

Jules

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bobbybob · 07/02/2005 02:23

I don't play for ages with ds, but I take him everywhere I go and talk to him about what we are doing. So that would be over 3 hours. Actual sitting down and playing about 1 hour, plus about an hour of books and music.

ghosty · 07/02/2005 02:47

I don't do 'play' either .... I find it terribly boring ... so I am a bad mum too! He has had the day off school today and I have spent the whole of DD's nap doing lego with him and I was nodding off!
But DS and I do stuff together and talk all the time .... I love taking him out for walks and to the beach or park, I love taking him to other people's houses so he can play with other children. I set him up to do stuff like play dough and painting and talk to him while he is doing it. We read books together at bedtime.
I think you are a fantastic mum Juliehafrancis and you probably need to go out for a day and leave your DP with your DD and see if he can manage 3 hours uninterrupted play and clean the house, do the shopping, prepare dinner, do the washing etc etc ....
My DH can spend hours playing with the children but nothing gets done OR he can do great stuff around the house but ignores the children ... he can't multi task like his domestic goddess of a wife

Moomina · 07/02/2005 08:27

I suppose I do get down on my hands and knees and 'play' with ds everyday - puzzles, lego, throwing balls at fragile objets d'art, tickling, running around screaming, etc etc but, god, 3 hours?!

I also think it's important for him to have his own playtime without mummy or anyone else coaching. Plus of course we talk all the time, go for walks, swings, feed the ducks, go shopping etc - ordinary day-to-day stuff he can get involved in. I think it's just as good for him to help me load the washing machine so we can have a chat about it as it is to have structured 'down on the floor' playtimes.

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lowcalCOD · 07/02/2005 08:35

Julie now youa re making a rod for your own back!

nailpolish · 07/02/2005 08:36

hmmm, what is considered playing? dd loves jigsaws and colouring books and crayons but is helping mummy sort out the washing and pairing socks, helping mummy bath dd2 etc considered playing too? these are dd1's favourite things, as well as helping make breakfast, helping do dishes etc etc etc

i think as long as its fun children will consider it playing.

lowcalCOD · 07/02/2005 08:36

how long does your dp spend JUlie
I woul be well hacked off with ay crticism like that!

ernest · 07/02/2005 09:26

Julie, I too would be extremely p**ed off if someone criticized the amopunt of time I played with mine, esp as in my case it's probably true. [guilty emotican]

But must admit I agree with what others have hinted at, that 3hours is a huge amount of time for 1-2-1 & it is also v. important that they learn to play by themselves/develop their own ideas/imagination etc How old is your dd?

Ime parents of single children play a lot more with their kids than parents of 2 or more. typical comment from my bf ( her ds is nearly 4) 'oh god, it's 4 & I've run out of ideas for what to do with him) I can honestly say I haven't wondered this since ds1 was 17 months old, he's now 5.5. Or else I get from her well so far today we've made out own playdoh then played with it, then baked some biscuits, gone to the zoo, spent some time playing in the garden. Must go now & draw some pictures with him - he's getting bored. I look at my watch & it's 10.30 That is probably more than I do in a whole day, sorry, week. [more guilt]

Gwenick · 07/02/2005 10:28

well so far today we've made out own playdoh then played with it, then baked some biscuits, gone to the zoo, spent some time playing in the garden. Must go now & draw some pictures with him - he's getting bored.

oooo people like that really irk me - like they think they're 'better' mim's because they happen to be the sort of mum that does that sort of stuff. Like someone else mentioned as long as the child is having fun does it really matter if we're all being 'perfect' mothers or not.

Blossomhill · 07/02/2005 10:32

My children would never let me play with them for 3 hours to be honest. After about half an hour they are happy to go off and do there own thing! I do what's right for me and my family, never think I haven't played enough. Did that when ds was little would actually set specific times and it was never the right time so now just go with the flow!

colditzmum · 07/02/2005 10:42

My "playing" is limited to brumming cars, tickling and going to the park. And terrorizing the cat, hiding from daddy, loading the washing machine and looking at the phone book.

I'm a bit crap really, but surely if he wanted my attention he would ask for it? He is nearly 2!

charlie01 · 07/02/2005 10:42

This thread has made me feel so much better. I constantly worry about how much time I spend playing with DS, I have always felt guilty about it. I find it so hard to find things to keep him entertained, he is 12 months so loses interest very quickly.

I worry that what actually keeps him entertained (tickling, dancing, singing, walking like zombies and other generally ridiculous stuff) isn't very constructive and we should be stacking cups and building towers. The most constructive thing we do is I read his books while he empties the book shelves!

Blossomhill · 07/02/2005 10:47

washing up, hanging out washing, dusting, pairing up socks. All things I do with my children that we enjoy as we are "together" and talking. My 2 are 7 and 5 though!

Moomina · 07/02/2005 10:51

Colditzmum - LOL @ 'looking at the phone book'. My ds loves looking at the A-Z, for some reason!

wobblyknicks · 07/02/2005 10:52

My dd's thing is the Argos catalogue - the shame!!

nailpolish · 07/02/2005 10:52

colditzmum

me too, dd loves the yellow pages!

nailpolish · 07/02/2005 10:53

used to hate junk mail as get quite a lot, but now its a source of great excitement as i shout 'theres your letters' to dd and she gets her own mail

jabberwocky · 07/02/2005 11:01

Never really timed it tbh. We do some things together but I also encourage him to play on his as well. I can't stand the thought of having a child who "expects" me to entertain him - and I've been around a few like that. I think it's at least as important for him just to know that either dh or I are around and just "with him" a lot of the time IYKWIM. Dh says he spends "quantity time" with ds vs. "quality time" LOL.

monkeygirl · 07/02/2005 11:04

I used to play with dd1 for hours and hours but now that she is 3.8 and I have ds, 8 months, I am all played out! I feel very guilty because I have definitely not spent the same amount of time with ds, but then again dd1 still always wants to play with mummy and daddy and makes it known that she plays by herself under duress! Not sure if it is just her personality but I do wish now that I had encouraged her to be more independent. She does have a fantastic imagination but if I have to 'voice' her army of imaginary friends for much longer I think I'll have to check myself into an asylum (or whatever the modern day equivalent is - the Priory???)

blossom2 · 07/02/2005 11:06

don't really keep track of how much time we play together. may not be alot when we're at home and have house stuff to do. but when we're out & about, shopping etc, i try to make it enteraining & education e.g. she helps me count the number of carrots we need, also sing songs when walking on the street, or make animal noises.

to me thats sometimes more fun and helpful then spending hours of play at home...

Gobbledigook · 07/02/2005 11:13

blossom2 - ditto!

When at home I suppose I don't spend enough time as I'm always trying to get washing done and cleaning etc. We are very often out though - soft play, other people's houses, the park and even if we go to Tesco we are talking about everything we see so we are interacting all the time. To be honest, at home, the kids are happy to play together or watch Brum and if they do ask me to do a jigsaw with them or read a book, I do stop what I'm doing to do that with them 99% of the time.

Gobbledigook · 07/02/2005 11:14

Nailpolish, that's a fab idea about the junk mail! Never thought of doing that but will in future!

Gobbledigook · 07/02/2005 11:21

OOH, just read all the other posts and sounds like I'm with the majority

It's a huge bonus have siblings - I can imagine it actually being harder work in some ways if you only have one.

Stilltrue · 07/02/2005 11:29

One to one playing is great, esp with younger babies who need "help" with their explorations, whether it be a new toy, a new animal, whatever. But interaction is the main thing imo. I've just been unblocking my dishwasher by dismantling the pipework and getting in there with the plunger; ds3 (13m) loved watching and "helping" by holding bits of plastic for me while I got on with it ! I couldn't bear it if an older child didn't know how to amuse him/her self; they need space for their imaginations to grow, and yes, time to be bored! A friend of mine has an 8yo who constantly expects her mum to lay on all the fun all the time. We can't even sit down for a coffee without demands for this and that game, and for mum to join in ALL the time; either that or we can't exchange even a sentence without her dd interrupting. Grrr. I don't think she knows how to amuse herself at all without another adult there.

chocfreeclary · 07/02/2005 11:40

demented, all those things are playing! park, swimming, talking, books, surely all fantastic!
3 hrs julie! woww!!
There was a thread on this a while ago where someone said 3x 20 mins one-to-one a day was what you shoudl aim for, as earlybird says
actually as a working mum of 3 I find 1x 20 mins REALLY hard some days, do try to at least get DS1 to read to me/DD to colour with me/DS2 to play at least once a day but it's so hard, especially as the others always want to join in.
Think you can count anything like cooking, stories, a bus ride together looking at all the people and street scene etc, even changing baby's nappy if you sing and chat to him....
btw julie i watched that rules the roost programme and did feel sad that the mum seemed to spend the whole of one day cleaning and not playign at all. I do chores when I'm at home tiwht the kids, but they love to help eg putting the washing on the rack (especially the baby! (well, he's 22 mo) so that's excellent!

Casmie · 07/02/2005 13:52

Thank god for this thread!

I've been feeling really low over the last few days as I've realised how little I play with the dses. Ds1 is 3yrs 9mths and ds2 is 9mths and I totally relate to monkeygirl's comment that she feels all played out. I just find it so horribly boring.

I do want to try harder and get more involved, but it's great to hear that "interaction" is just as important and I'm not ruining their lives as much as I feel I am sometimes.

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