Am I babying my 3.5 year ds??

[cheekymonk]

Just wondered. I still use buggy occasionally for longer distances and for being in the shops usually otherwise he just runs off all the time. He has bed guard on bed, asks for nappies to do a poo but wears pants rest of time and is dry at night, I dress him mainly and always put shoes on, he mostly feeds himself but wants help if very tired or feeling lazy, has non spill cup...
Its just he was playing with neighbours kid aged 4 who seemed so much more streetwise. He was playing with guns and was much more "macho". He goes to karate and has very male orientated toys but he does have 2 older brothers. I tend to let ds play with what he wants to and choose to wait to see what his interests are rather than push typically male stuff down his throat. I did think though just how much younger he seemed compared to neighbour's child. Does 6 months make all the difference?
Neighbour is also far more relaxed about letting him play independently (older bros are always outside with him aged 7 and 11).
Am I normal or OTT?
Any thoughts welcome x

My DS2 was like this at 3.5yrs, and he is the youngest. My first was much more independent.

I think alot of it is personality. Mine are now 8 and 5yrs and still DS1 is always striving for more independce, but DS2 loves to just be at home doing things with Mummy, being a bit pampered and a bit of regression when no one is looking.

He only pooed in a nappy until he was 4, when we really had to then tackle that, wanted to go in his buggy until just before 4, when we had to get rid of it to avoid the temptation of letting him.

He still has his blankie, he still wants to sit on our knee all the time and be endlessly cuddled and (at home only) I still carry him up to bed etc.

My view of this now, is I'm so lucky to be keeping my little boy as little for a bit longer, beacuse I know it's not going to last, and then it's gone.

I feel sorry for all those mothers with independent self sufficient girls.

I agree youcan'thaveeverything. Have found your post v reassuring. Thank you x

Of course he will run off and want to be picked up, I thought they all did.

Reins are for the running off and everytime DS wanted picking up I just made a game of if and spun him around. By 3.5 I would expect him to walk a couple of miles.

And if he is spilling drinks, just make him sit down to have them.

I think a lot of it is down to personality.

I also tink it is a load of rubbish that girls are generally more independant than boys. I certainly haven't found this. Maybe it's more to do with how people treat girls compared with boys?

In some ways you do sound like you are babying him, and also labelling him (e.g 'clumsy', well he's not going to learn how to drink from a normal cup if you don't give him the chance to is he?)

When I worry that I might be giving DS too much independance, I remember these wise words:

"Fostering independance is more loving than taking care of people who could otherwise take care of themselves" M. Scott Peck

It is hard, sometimes, to let go of our babies, but we need to, for their won good.

and the only way to make children into good walkers is have them practise and do it lots. By walking they will build up their strength and be able to walk more.

At 3yrs I took my DS on a hiking trip with me, we hiked throuh mountains in Europe for a week, he averaged 6 miles a day. It is possible.

(he still ran off in the towns though, I have no solution to that! We used a peice of climbing rope to make some temporary reigns )

youcanthaveeverything I have an independant self-sufficient boy, he is still loving and emotionally attached to me and gives and recieves lots of hugs, it is bossible to have both you know! He's just not clingy or babyish whic, as far as I'm concerned, is a good thing.

My ds is 3.3 and is still in his cot bed. We haven't even started toilet training (apart from one hideous afternoon with pants on) as he just doesn't seem interested - I'm hoping the longer we leave it the quicker it will be! He does drink from an open cup and feed himself though. He never goes in his pushchair.

I don't worry about any of the 'less advanced' elements of the above however - I just tell myself that he definitely won't be in nappies or in his cot when he's 10, things just happen.

OMDB I have a boy like that also!! and one like the OP describes.

I feel it is more due to their personalities than me 'babying' one of them.

Your 3yrold walking 6miles a day is very impressive, but just not somethinng all 3yrolds would manage, even with the encouragement and expectation.

Indeed, I know parents who have been disappointed that their young children are not as physical , independent and thrill seeking as them,as they intended to continue with all activities with their child. But a child who cries endlessly at thought of mountain climbing, is slow to learn to ride his bike and is cautious of all unknown situatons causes them, and the child distress.

Some children develop more slowly, and they have different personalities.

I think you have fallen into the trap of saying My 3 yr old can......therefore 3 yr olds can.....that is not the case.

My post was to show I have very differnt children in terms of their independence, and that a lack of indepence when young shouldn't necessarily be negative, and can in fact be enjoyed.

M Scott Peck is talking about adult relationships,not 3 yr olds or even 5year olds, So to apply that sentiment with a should to young chldren is not helpgul imo.

Cheekymonk when your son is 22 and you are still controlling his life and not allowing him to become independent, then refer to M Scott peck.

I'm not sure if I have done myself down actually. What is a normal cup for a toddler?? None of his cups now actually are none spill on checking. They are cups with lid on and a spout to drink out of but if you turn it upside down drink will spill... The spilling drinks thing is fine now.
As for stamina, ds often wants to go out on his bike. Normally we go to shop for paper/icecream etc and each time he moans he is too tired to ride back.
On sunday I made him ride back as I am fed up of carrying bike each time he changes his mind. It is a 10 min walk away so I don't feel it is too much. We have done this walk several times but his stamina doesn't seem to increase. It feels like it is a control(i.e controlling me) issue for him tbh but I can't be sure.
I recognise the importance of fostering independence, hence all this worrying in the first place but it is getting it right for a 3 year old as has been said! I just find it hard as ds seems so bright and switched on and I can find it hard to differentiate when he genuinely needs me to when he is "playing" me.
Also, yes, he does seem a bit clumsy to me. I'm not labelling but love to me is about seeing everything and then I can deal with it. Sometimes it is because he is tired or distracted but I can be like it so recognise the signs!
Am definitely thinking of reducing pram use though. I obviously sound a bit precious but also impatient as a mum. I am a bit stressed about ds behaviour in general and try so hard which everyone tells me is my downfall.
Thank you youcan'thaveverything for your support.

cheekymonkey i wrote a post not long ago as my ds was not at all interested in being independent at the moment (3.10) and I got told by several posters to put him into preschool which is not for us.

Right or wrong I have decided that I will encourage ds but I won't force it on him. I will give him heaps of messages of I believe you can do it and it will come when he is ready. I don't care if he needs the stroller, I don't care if we take turns to feed him, him one spoonful, me the other, I don't care if he wants me to come to the toilet with him. It doesn't matter, I know he can do these things, I will encourage him to do them but if it is going to just end up with us fighting alll day then sod it he can have a bit of help for now.

Yes people do get very funny about not encouraging independence/babying them... Because I worry alot and lack confidence in my parenting style, I am easily swayed or influenced so very much take it all on board. Good on you for sticking to your guns and doing what is best for both of you!