Sometimes I think that I wasn't cut out to be the parent of boys (long, sorry)

[GreatGooglyMoogly]

Today I took ds1(4) and ds2(2.6) to the playground. There were two other boys there who were probably slightly older than ds1. They knew each other and were playing together with one nanny and one mother on a bench nearby. I teach my boys to play nicely with others - no hitting, throwing sand, meanness(sp?), etc. So these two boys are being openly hostile in what they are saying to my boys, but are not hitting or doing anything that I can intervene with. It was very much an "us" vs "them" mentality. The two boys played a bit on, their own including throwing sand and hitting the playground equipment with their large spades - one of them even managed to accidentally throw sand into the other's face. Later I caught my boys throwing sand at one of them and told them off. The two boys then proceeded to aggressively tell my boys off for throwing sand at them. I pointed out that my boys were only copying them. ds1 tried to get them to play with him on a "plane". He wanted to be a driver but they said they were the drivers; later he said the plane was broken and they said it wasn't, etc. I know boys are like this but it is heartbreaking to see ds1 constantly being dominated. Is this how it is always going to be? Is there anything I can do? I don't want him to be like them but I don't want him to be dominated all the time either

lol cory

cory DS1 is already a complete handful (am sure testorone surges have already started) but I'd be gobsmacked if he every tried to push a friend down the stairs, or even his brother.
He does loads of awful things to his brother including hitting him but has yet to be truly malicious, and for some reason he is always very careful about stairs, its about the only way he looks out for DS2.
I hope my words dont come back to haunt me!

Have to admit I did find it shocking that a little friend of his would do this, totally unprovoked, seems really nasty to me.

I'm afraid I'd have been gobsmacked a few years previously, that tells us very little .

But I think you are being a little harsh on your friend's dd. To be sure, pushing somebody on the stairs is very naughty and needs a stern telling off, but it doesn't have to be calculated malice.

Apparently, my BIL thought the top of the stairs would be a good place for blindfolding little brother. Dh is still alive and has forgiven him.

When ds pushed dd, he didn't really mean the accident to happen, and was devastated by the consequences. He just happened to lash out while they happened to be on the stairs. They both got a stern talking-to for arguing on the stairs.

Oh no, sorry, I bumped this yesterday without reading it as I was trying to help get sourabh off the active convos. Huge apologies for appearing to ignore advice

Thank you to everyone who has responded. I hadn't realised that both boys and girls largely have negative interactions for some years to come. I should stick to what I have been doing then - only intervening when things get too physical and letting them sort it out for themselves the rest of the time.

ds1 (and ds2) have the right to play happily in the playground as much as anyone else. What I am wondering is how my boys could have achieved this in this situation without my getting involved (ie. in the future, perhaps at school)? These boys were verbally hostile from the start and wouldn't let them play happily either by themselves or together with them. Once the plane game was underway they rejected all of ds1's ideas and played only with each other meaning that ds1 and ds2 gave up and tried to play alone elsewhere. Their only words ever to ds1 were rejections/ hostilities, and they did follow him and his brother around so that they couldn't play alone either. Yes, my boys threw sand at them and they were told off. There is no excuse for it.

I clearly need a thicker skin

I think that you have to accept that sometimes you will have negative experiences in a playground. Girls can be just as bad if not worse. You can probably go another day and have a lovely time.