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Parenting

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Original poster

anyone else every regretted having children?

12 replies

ohwhathaveidone · 17/07/2008 12:25

im starting to think having children just wasn't for me.

it is almost like, the better dd is, and the more she plays on her own, the less i can be bothered with her.
that makes me really sad that i have just typed, i can't be bothered with my own dd

she is 1, and will play on her own for sometime, it gives me a chance to get on with other stuff, but then when she wants or needs me, i feel like i dont want to stop what i am doing.
most of the time its nothing important.

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vitomum · 17/07/2008 12:32

what you are describing sounds v normal. i don't think it ammounts to regretting having your dd. i was also lucky to have a ds who was happy to play alone for quite long periods from a young age. you're busy, and being interupted by a small child can be annoying, and playing with them can be boring. so you're not a perfect mum - welcome to the club

Original poster

ohwhathaveidone · 17/07/2008 12:50

really? i feel terrible that i cant be bothered

OP posts:

ruddynorah · 17/07/2008 12:52

you might find a different phase of her childhood suits you better. for example when she starts chatting and being more fun to be around maybe.

i'm really enjoying dd at 2 yr old. at 1 it wasn't so interesting.

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girlywhirly · 17/07/2008 13:12

Have you thought you might have delayed post natal depression?

I have known a few mums who didn't like the baby stage much, but really enjoyed when they could have conversations, go to museums etc.

Countingthegreyhairs · 17/07/2008 13:35

I think everyone has "moments" like this tbh so don't be so hard on yourself. You sound like a great mum else you wouldn't be so concerned and posting on here!!

Having a small child can be very restricting in many ways (stuck at home, having to tailor your life around sleep/feeding patterns etc). How is the rest of your life if you don't mind me asking? Do you ever get a bit of time to yourself to do something you really enjoy? Even an hour a wk makes a difference in my experience.

When I've had periods of feeling similar to you in the past, it's because I've felt unhappy/dissatisfied with what was happening in the rest of my life. It wasn't really connected to the love I felt for my child although I confused the two for a while.

Also, if your dd is your first child then it is a HUGE adjustment. I only got used to it after 3 or so years tbh. (Eg kept thinking weekends would somehow be different and was shocked they weren't !!!![grin[]) So don't underestimate that.

Also, if you have an only child at home it can be a very intense one-on-one relationship. I thought dd's love of my attention would diminish the more I played with her and doted on her. Instead she just wanted more and more and I felt overwhelmed at various points.

I definitely find it easier now dd is at school and has friends around and interests of her own. That sounds really awful I know but I was a very perfectionist mother - there 24/7 - and it really didn't benefit her or me ... it took a while to learn that lesson though.

It's a cliche but I'm now a firm believer in happy mother = happy child. So cut yourself some slack and go and do something you enjoy! It will make all the difference - promise x

Gemzooks · 17/07/2008 13:45

do you get any time to yourself? I find I get really fed up if I'm with DS all the time. Now work 3 days per week and I really enjoy the time with him much more and am a better mum as a result.

HonoriaGlossop · 17/07/2008 14:04

I agree with counting that it is a very hard lesson to learn that you may not be the best thing for your child at ALL times! My instinct was to be there 24/7 and to prioritise ds utterly. And that's not necessarily a BAD thing, but for me being financially forced to work part time was actually really healthy. I would never have chosen it - I would have chosen to be a full time SAHM till he was at school - but I worked two days a week from when he was about 8 - 10 months old.

Having to do it though, made me learn that a change is as good as a rest and that DS and I appreciated each other all the more. DS got to experience other carers in his life and that has not been a bad thing either.

Lots of childcare is boring as hell, even when you adore every cell of their little beings and them just lifting a corner of their mouth is the most enchanting sight on earth! It's STILL boring at times and hard work and drudge and like groundhog day!

so don't pressure yourself to enjoy every second of it. Enjoy what you can and congratulate yourself for being a damn good mum and just getting on with it the rest of the time.

positiveparentscouk · 17/07/2008 14:13

i have felt like this in the past, exactly the same really. I felt as though the more she did the less i had to...until eventually i realised i was spending almost NO time with her each day. I started looking into alternative parenting and ways to encourage myself to spend more time with her. The best thing i did was start with putting aside just ten mins a day, starting small, and to do whatever she would like in those ten mins. Gradually increasing to half an hour, then more split over the day with housework etc.

Morloth · 17/07/2008 14:35

I had a lovely time with a little baby, right up until he was 6 months then I just got BORED. It took until around his 3rd birthday for me to really find him interesting again.

Honestly I think little kids (toddlers) are a bit boring until they can communicate properly, for me I just had to carry on as normal and be as loving as I could.

I found going back to work made a huge difference for me, the time I spent at work "refreshed" me for him, someone else had to deal with all the boring day to day stuff and I get to have the fun bath/snuggles/bedtime things.

Have you thought about popping her into nursery for a couple of hours here and there? Absence really can make the heart grow fonder.

Pinkglow · 17/07/2008 14:45

My MIL said to me once

'ohhhh I loved it when my sons were small children - just a pity they had to be babies first'

KatieDD · 18/07/2008 14:34

Believe it or not 2 children is easier than 1, I found the first 18 months just me and her quite hard work once number 2 arrived it was bloody hard work but a lot more fun.

Countingthegreyhairs · 18/07/2008 15:52

I think that's exactly it KatieDD (not that I have any experience of 2 but am still trying despite being as old as the hills ...)

I think because one is relatively easy you don't feel yourself to be fully engaged as a parent, but never again can one be utterly and totally focussed on work as before .... well that's my experience anyway ... so you keep taking tantalising glimpses "over the wall" in to your "other life" and neither seems satisfying ....the grass is always greener etc ....

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