Is this a bit strange...ds 3.10

[raggedyanna]

DS has never really got the play thing down pat. He generally only plays when someone is with him and then he just directs...eg doing a puzzle, he will tip it out and then tell whoever is playing with him to put it together, He will ask me to build an obstacle course but has no interest in helping and wants me to do the course when it is finished. Basically he wants others to play for him. If no one is available to play with (for) him he will hang around my legs nagging for me to play until I am free. Mostly it is me all day with him. We do playgroup but he is the same there, he doesn't venture far from me and wants me to play with the equipment but doesn't want to use it himself. He will do things like hide and seek and board games (sometimes he wants me to do his turn for him but will play sometimes also) When he has a playmate over he just hasn't a clue in the social world, he tries to direct them to do this and that with completely nonsense rules that they don't understand or will start a game of hide and seek without telling them he is hiding and so on. I am finding it all a bit draining. I can't entertain him all day as he would like and I don't mind playing with him but not if he wants me to play then leaves me to do all the playing if that makes sense.

Highly sensitive or not, he needs to learn that his place in the world is not in charge (at least not yet!). Actually I've had second thoughts - I think a couple of pre-school sessions a week would do him good. Although would be tough for you initially.

I agree with romy7.

At two my ds was the world's clingiest child. he was happy to go off and play so slightly different to op's ds but I couldn't leave him with anyone.

So when he was 2.5 I took the decision to put him into nursery two mornings a week so he could learn to socialize without me. I used to hand him over to his keyworker and walk out of the door with "I want my mummy" ringing in my ears. It broke my heart, but in the longrun I think i did the absolute best thing for him.

Honestly the longer you leave it the worse it will be. And at school you won't have the option of staying to help him settle in you will be dropping him at the door on his first day and leaving. And if he's never been left before he will struggle, a lot.

just to add my ds is 5 now and last week I was talking to the head at school and she was telling me how it's so easy to see that I've let ds grow up and how wonderful it is to see how independent he is.

Honestly parents that do everything for their children are not doing them any favours.

I think the play thing and the being left thing are all linked, and the link is that he hasn't yet learned independence from you.

Sounds like he's a bit of a perfectionist, he is afraid to make what he perceives as mistakes or accept his own limitations, so he prefers you to do it all for him. I don't think you do him any favours by indulging him in this. You need to let him know that it's OK to make mistakes or get things wrong, no-one, even grown-ups get everything right all the time. Praise his efforts when he does things unaided. Find ways of maximising his success with things.
If he has a tantrum and says he can't do things, ignore and don't do them for him. If he wants you to play with him, he must at least try. Games where you have to take turns, e.g. picture dominoes, or a jigsaw where he puts a piece then you put a piece would be good. Phase out the games where he 'directs' the play but doesn't participate.
It is unusual for a child not to at least fiddle with toys, or experiment with them, even if they don't play with them in the conventional ways.

Start training him to dress himself now. Put his clothes out in the order they are to be put on and fronts facing down, on top of the pile socks and pants, then t-shirt, then shorts. Give him pointers as to how to tell which is the right way round, the picture is on the front etc. But do not criticise if he gets things back to front or inside out if he has done it all by himself.

Pick your battles by all means, but do not be dictated to. Let him tantrum and ignore it. The sooner he learns you won't be doing everything for him the sooner he'll get on with it, don't give in. He needs to dress and feed himself at school and it would be so much better for him to learn now to be independent and learn new skills. Agree with others that children will cling to their mums if they're present, but when left at playgroup or nursery will have to rely on themselves!