My only ds is so demanding I feel awful

[crazedupmom]

Hi
My ds who is 7 is an only and I am finding that he is increasingly demanding on me.
Part of the problem is that he doesn,t have anybody at home to play with, no children out in the street, or no nephews or nieces of his age in the family.
I also don,t have any friends with children his age and I have always found it difficult to make a circle of mom friends due to my being so shy.
He never gives me a moments piece its either play ball or tennis with him in the garden, or play games or anyting else that he wants to do.
Please don,t think that I am a selfish mom I don,t mind doing these things sometimes with him, but he is hankering after me all of the time and I feel so guilty if I have to tell him I can,t I am busy.
I feel awful at times for not giving him a sibling and the fact there isn,t really anyone for him to play with except me or his dad, however his dad spends most of his time on the computer while I am left with ds's demands.
I beat myself up daily for making him an only and wonder if things on this side of things may of been easier if he'd had a sibling.
I know I must sound like a real moaner and probably don,t deserve my ds for feeling like this but despite all of this I wouldn,t be without him its just that I don,t know best how to occupy him or whats best by him anymore.
Sometimes I don,t feel motivated to do stuff with him either and I know that sounds dreadful.
I make the effort to sometimes have his mates from school back but I find it a strain having to do this all of the time I feel as though I am borrowing other peoples children to make mine happy and my ds rarely gets an invite back.
I know that idealy I should try and make some mom friends but I just don,t seem to have the courage.
Can anybody relate to what I am saying or am I just an oddball for feeling like this.
Are there any parents with onlies who have felt like me.

Your dh is dodging his responsibilities shamefully. He needs to get his arse off his chair and take his son to the park sometimes. Also your son needs more to do. What about cubs? Football club?

Do you think that your DS could be shy too and not sure how to make proper friends (hence the not getting invites back to other children's houses)? He does need to socialise with children. Have you spoken to his teacher about how he gets on with other children at school?

This worries me a bit "borrowing other peoples children to make mine happy" - do you think you are a bit social phobic? Because children enjoy playing together (unless they dislike each other) and the other child will hopefully be having just as good a time.

your son isn't the problem here ..your husband is

I know that phrase sounds awful borrowing other peoples children.
I just feel that everyone else has this fantastic social life sorted out for their children and that they have no need for playdates after school as their children have siblings etc to play with.

My ds is very sociable at school and has lots of friends I just don,t see many people bothering about playdates as I do.

Money is a bit of a object with clubs.
My ds only does after school clubs which are free.
I have started taking him to a trampoline club once a week and to boys hockey once a week.
Although my ds is very sociable at school with lot of mates I find that he can be shy if going anywhere where he doesn,t know anyone but then he is usally okay once he gets to know people.

I agree that your husband is the real problem here. You sound like a single parent!

I may of been a bit unfair to my dh he does spend some time playing on the wii or computer with him.
This is really about the extent of what he does with him.

For what it's worth, you sound very normal and nice, but I think you should stop beating yourself up about your son being an only child-many kids have siblings they detest and would rather eat a bucket of sticklebricks than play with them!

I thin that you are doing all you can for your son and he really doesn't need you to entertain him constantly. Perhaps he can help you sometimes, or you can leave him to get bored occasionally-I think this is a good way for kids to discover their own interests. The most important question is: Is he happy, or does he feel lonely or shy? The reason I'm asking is it's easy get confused with your son's needs if you are shy and think you should have more friends.

If he is doing after school clubs and has friends at school I wouldn't worry so much about him being on his own at other times or entertaining him. I think wahwahs right and you can just leave him to get bored occasionally without feeling guilty for not playing with him.

I suspect some of these people you feel have a fantastic social life sorted for their children have nothing of the sort and just can't handle the stress of a return playdate!

That all sounds fine TBH - and I agree that you need to let him be bored sometimes so that he finds his own interests. I think when people have more than one child the issue isn't so much the fact that they can play together, but that the parents have less time to devote to the one child so they have to find other things to do. I never played with my younger brother but I enjoyed reading and playing by myself. Maybe you need to encourage your DS in this a bit?

And definitely get your DH off his backside and down to the park with his son, once a week at least. Playing computer games together is not enough. It doesn't set a very healthy example for one thing.

Some children just enjoy/need/demand more interaction than other. My eldest was one like that and she is still quite demanding of attention & interaction even though there are 3 others........part of it is just personality so stop beating yourself up.