3 year old who wants to be a baby - help!!!!

[GooseyLoosey]

Dd is the baby of our family. As a late August birthday she is also the baby of pre-school and will be the baby of the school.

Generally this is a role she has relished and developed. She will talk in pretend baby talk (despite having a very good vocabulary) and adopt a sibiliant lisp.

Lately she has been complaining that she always has to be the baby in games at pre-school so I explained to her that if she wanted to avoid this she needed to stop some of her deliberate baby behaviour. She understood exactly what I mean and instantly dropped the lisp and adding "y" to the end of everything (eg doggy, piggy etc).

Success I thought, but in the past week it has now gone horribly wrong. As an example, last night when eating she had her hands in her soup (would never usually do this), she screamed for an hour at bedtime (usually goes to bed without a murmur), keeps asking if she will always be "my little angel" - even if she dies, begging me not to be late home from work.

I don't know what to do. I know it sounds like I should just reassure her, but I cannot promise to be there all of the time and I equally cannot let this escalate further. I have to get up very early in the morning to go to work so I can ensure that I am home in time to see her at night so I need sleep.

Any ideas what I have done wrong and what I should do now?

you can promise to be there always for a young child .. she needs reassurance

you need to sit her down and explain that whilst you don't want her 'acting' like a baby, she will always be your baby .. yes even when she's grown up with babies of her own she will still be your baby (this unfailingly makes kids laugh I've found)

keep reassuring her and cuddling her, it'll stop

(I understand the whole sibilant thing .. I keep telling my 4 year old to 'speak properly' .. can't stand affected baby talk or actions)

Agree with Twiglett, it will stop when she feels more secure - and just with time, for that matter. My dd1 went through a wanting-to-be-a-baby stage at 3, and she's the eldest.

She's now 4.5, and mostly wants to be a grown-up (just as taxing) with occasional regressions into babyhood (fair enough, 4 is very little and she has a baby sister) which usually last as long as it takes me to say 'of course you can be a baby, come and have a big cuddle you teenyweeny thing'. This makes her laugh, reassures her, and reminds her how annoying it is to BE a baby

The language thing can drive me nuts, but IMO - when I can manage it - the best tactic is to say nothing, not react to it, and know this too shall pass.

Oh, and I also recognize the one step forward, then panic and two step back your dd is doing....every time dd1 gets 'bigger', she then has to rush backwards for reassurance, IYSWIM. It usually lasts a week at most.

Thanks. I have endlessly told her that I will be there all of her life for her and whenever she needs me she just has to ask and I will come running as there is nothing more important than her and her brother. Must keep trying I suppose!

Tonight will be intersting. I have to work late which means that I will not see her at all today. I have tried very hard to get the work/life balance right (because I do what I do, I can afford not to go into the office on thurs and fri and be at home with her) but it feels like I am failing her miserably. She will be hysterical when she realises that I will not be there at bedtime (daddy of course will be). I feel like such a bad mummy!

can't she ring you?

Why does she not know in advance that you won't be there? Can't you tell her in the morning? I would think that not-knowing is probably quite scary for her; particularly if it happens a lot. Toddlers IME like to know what will happen each day.

Mine regress a lot - I just accept it, as long as it isn't too messy. Hands in soup I wouldn't allow but I might spoonfeed her for fun.

can she have time where she DOES play (and you go along with it) at being a baby? So like mp says, spoonfeed her for fun. But then, playtime stops iykwim.

Agree she needs to know wherever posssible where you are and when you are coming back too.

I did tell her last night that I would not be there today - you are both right, where possible I need to make sure that she clearly understands when I will be home, I hadn't really focused on the uncertainty being a problem but I can see why it would be.

I will ring her before bed, but sometimes that upsets her more. DH says she is quite happy before I ring and then it upsets her to talk to me!

Usually I just ignore the regression too, but hands in (tomato) soup was one step too far!

I would get HER to ring you - that way she is more in control of the situation and timing. Text DH when you are ready and then DH can ask her if she wants to ring. I think that 'waiting for a call' can in itself be a bit stressful.

I think it is wise to draw a line befor ethe hands-in-tomatoe-soup stage

MP, I see your point - I will give that a go. The hands in the soup thing was a bit of a shock and soup has now been banned in the Goosey household for the short term!