Struggling to relax

[youcannotbeserious]

I'd really like some advice on this.

I have a 7 week old DS, who I just adore. I'm alone with him all week.

We are getting on really great together and actually managing better than I thought we would...

I am (as most first time mums!) doing everything by the book and reading advice etc.,

So, last week, I read a harrowing article on SIDS and how most occur at 2-4 months and now I just can't relax. I was struggling to 'sleep when the baby slept' before and now I seem to have convinced myself that if I don't watch him constantly something terrible will happen.. When I say watch him, I don't mean just in the same room, I mean physically watching him breathe - I move his basket or chair around with me constantly.

I've actually woken him up at least half a dozen times in the last week because he was 'too still' (and, I mean, for that second, I'm in a blind panic)

I don't know whether this is just normal or if I should talk to someone? it's getting to the point that when my DH does spend time with him (only here 1 day a week) I don't want to leave DS with him, as I know he'll just plonk him down to sleep somewhere and carry on doing something else.

But, I do know that it's me being unreasonable.

FWIW, I do have several other (unrelated) phobias. Not sure if this could be classed as the same thing?

It sounds like the normal anxiety of a naturally anxious person.

I can be the same, when I'm stressed it doesn't take much to throw me into a panic. And being alone makes it worse - no one to rationalise your thoughts. I'd probably have done the same as you if I'd be alone 6/7 of the time.

Having a newborn is stressful as well as wonderful, but if you think it's getting on top of you, have a chat with your GP.

Congratulations on your new son

You are right to be worried, SIDS is very scary and it is something we all fear. You are not being unreasonable! You have had a lot to adapt to in the last 7 weeks, your hormones will not have settled yet and you have a perfectly normal response to wanting to protect your child from harm.

Problem is - there is a difference between being anxious and having that anxiety take over. I'm a very anxious mum, we have a breathing monitor as our DS did stop breathing twice after he was born and I nag DH endlessly about putting it on and have to check it is on when DH has put him to sleep. I worry about him being in the car, in the buggy, you name it - but i can't protect him against everything.

I think there are two people you need to speak to. Your DH (so he can understand how you feel - show him this thread if it helps) and yout GP. Some of us (me for example ) are more prone to letting fears and anxieties impinge on our lives more than we should. You need to get them involved early so that if it doesn't settle down you can keep it from getting out of control. It can also be a feature of post natal depression so don't be surprised if your GP asks more about how you are feeling.

I found it helpful to think about the things I COULD do to reduce his risks - like the sleep safety guidelines. For me a breathing monitor was the way forward as I know what to do if he was to stop breathing - it reduced my fear of going in to find I was too late. Have a think about what could make that difference from you.

and give your little one a hug from me

Thanks - I did think about the breathing monitor, but haven't got one yet...

I do follow all the other guidelines. Could you please tell me what you did (would do agai) if the monitor were to buzz?

I don't in any other way feel depressed. I adore being a mum and would have another baby in an instance, the only thing that is getting me down is this constant fear that if I leave him for a second that something bad will happen.

thanks for the hug... it's been delivered!!

It might not be the right thing for you - some people find they increase the anxiety. I have the dubious advantage of being a doctor so have resuscitated babies in my line of work. My DS had both of his episodes while we were still in hospital and thankfully has been fine since. If the monitor were to go off I would go and check him. If he wasn't breathing I would pick him up as the stimulation can be enough to persuade them to start breathing again. If he didn't then I would have to breathe for him and give CPR if needed. For you, that would be when you would call an ambulance. Perhaps it would help you to learn some first aid skills - there are several courses and your HV might be able to suggest a local one. If not www.safe-and-sound.org.uk/ runs courses although I don't have personal experience of them.

Anxiety is very difficult to deal with. I manage mine but it is there all the time ready to creep up when I least expect it. All part of being a mum I guess Hard though it is, you do have to try and trust your OH with his son. Men have a different attitude to risk (massive generalisation here but if they can't fix it they won't think about it). This doesn't change the fact that he's your number one ally in keeping your little one safe