PND question, likelihood, how to avoid,

[No19]

OK this is a genuine question which I was hesitant to post because of expecting a barrage of popcorn-and-hard-hat remarks.

After my first DS was born I went back to work very quickly (3 months), through necessity, as my DP did not have a job at the time and I did. I felt dreadful leaving him, I was still bf-ing him (till 10 or 11 months) and although I was never officially diagnosed with PND I am pretty sure I had it - or SOMETHING - until he was about 2, or even more.

I am about to have a second baby and now I am in a position where I can choose to go back to work or not. I feel at the moment that I want to, as I enjoy my job, I only have to be in the office 2 or 3 days a week, and plus maternity leave has improved considerably (to 6 months) since DS was born. My job is also important to me as a person. Assuming I was able to leave the new baby with someone I trusted, I like to think I could go back and do the 2 or 3 days a week, spend lots of time with the new baby, and basically have the best of both worlds.

My question is whether the PND or plain old depression or whatever it was first time round is likely to be triggered by my going back to work (plus associated guilt, misery at leaving baby, feeling jealous, etc etc)? Or whether I'd be more likely to get PND if I stayed at home for longer and started feeling the lack of work, etc?

I don't mean this as a SAHM/WOHM thing at all, I mean it as a query about the causes of PND and whether there is a way of avoiding it. And I suppose how to protect myself.

Thanks for any insights. Any remarks I've made about guilt, etc re. going back to work refer only to ME and my experience and are not meant to carry any nasty references to how others might feel, etc etc. I speak only for myself.

i think PND will arrise in whatever walk of life so at work due to being run down worried about leaving kids juggling work and kids

being at home all day screaming demanding kids but also wonderful i am a sahm

i think you should just see how you feel make sure you have enough rest and support dont worry about the minor chores that can be done later

but enjoy time with children when getting home and working together the minute you feel the pressure of juggling both and worrying about silly things that can be done later it will more than likely come back at some point

its all about balance if you feel its to much then act apon it instead of felling like super woman saving face and not wanting to let people down go with your own feelings i think thats all that can be done dont ignore them act apon them

Do you have to decide now? or can you wait and see how you feel after baby is born?

We're all different. PND might be triggered in someone through the loss of identity from not working. For another the stress of being away from their child can be the trigger.

If possible. I'd wait and see how things are going before you decide how much leave to take.

Depression/PND are generally thought to be caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain. But the things you mention (feeling miserable, guilty and jealous) are likely to be contributing factors which could worsen any propensity towards depression and so there is every chance that if you return to work feeling those things, it may lead you to depressive feelings. Whether that is PND or depression is immaterial; the way it makes you feel is pretty much the same.

Depression can hit anyone at any time - it does not discriminate between those who work and those who don't, those who are usually happy in their lives and those who are not. You can't predict it, you can't stop it happening. But you can be aware of it and be ready to take whatever help you can if it does happen again. Make sure you have plenty of support, make sure your GP and HV know that you have suffered with PND previously.

See how things are after the baby is born, and take things as they come.

Thank you for your considered replies.

I didn't mean to oversimplify the causes of depression or PND. No, I suppose I don't have to decide now, in that I can say I'll go back and then change my mind as the actual time approaches - but I suppose I am trying to think ahead. Perhaps you're right and I should just take it as it comes.

No-one (medical I mean) as asked me re. suffering from depression before, I feel self-conscious about tossing it into conversation with them. That's daft, I know.

I am a SAHM and had PND with DC1 but not DC2. My circumstances were exactly the same both times.

If you have a job you enjoy then I think you should go back to work. If you do get PND then perhaps you could take a sabbatical until you feel better?

FWIW I think PND has made me a nicer person as I am more understanding when people are struggling in life.

Me too, waffletrees. More understanding, I mean. I hadn't a clue till I had it myself.