Difficult toddler, big fat pregnant belly, non understanding DH & hormonal sobbing!

[waitingtobloom]

Sorry to repost twice - realised I hadnt added a title to the other and dont know how to edit a post...

DS is very much going through the terrible twos right now. He swings between having a tantrum on the floor to being defiant and trying to run away/break things/pull the cats tail - whatever seems to give him some power and annoy someone (usually me). His favourite word is no (even when he means yes) and everything is a drama - if he doesnt want something he cant just say no he has to cry and shout about it. Pretty standard trying two year old behaviour but very difficult to handle at times.

On top of this I am 31 weeks pregnant and coming to the end of hyperemesis although still feel pretty rough. I work full time in a mixture of a job and studying and am pretty stressed out in general trying to get things sorted before DC2 arrives. DH works at least 6 days a week and I do all the picking up from nursery etc and most of the housework as he simply isnt home.

Anyway I was talking to DH about how hard I am finding things now with his behaviour and my bump and his response was that Ds simply plays up with me and is lovely for everyone else (himself included). Understandably I am very upset by this (perhaps with added hormones) but am at a loss. He does seem to have fewer tantrums with other people but I thought that was because they were more novel to him. DH says he doesnt act up anywhere near as much for him but he only sees him for perhaps 30 minutes in a day and then on and off on a sunday (and thats usually with me there too).

Is it my fault? Am I being the bad mum I worry I am or is he just being insensitive? Do your DC's play up more for you as you are the one who spends the most time with them and they are most comfortable with? Is DH just fun because he rarely sees them?

ARGH! Am somewhere between annoyed and angry at DH for smugly saying this and devastated because I really am exhausted.

Oh big hugs to you. Your dh was probably trying to be reassuring by trying to say that your ds isn't a problem child, just a normal one! (But men can be so incompetent about how they say things can't they!) It is absolutely normal that children play up most for their main caregiver, and daddy will be more of a novelty and won't get so many of the tantrums. You definitely aren't a bad mum! Your ds probably senses the impending change. I don't have many tips for dealing with tantrums but the usual is distraction, huge vastly over the top praise for even the smallest good behaviour, ignoring, and lots of extra cuddles to reassure him that even though mummy's been tired and poorly for a while, she is still mummy.

Things will get better, it is just a phase both for you and your ds. Hang in there and post lots on here!

You poor thing. I'm pregnant too (only 12 weeks so probably not quite as tired as you yet!) and DS is nearly two and has started playing up sometimes. He is a nightmare to put to bed because its a constant 'I want daddy, I want daddy...' even though I've explained a hundred times that Daddy is at work. But when I go out to work DS casually waves 'bye!' and runs happily back to daddy! I burst into tears about it the other day (these hormones have a lot to answer for!) because it just felt as though I spend all this time caring for him and he doesn't care whether I'm there or not.

But in my more rational mind I suppose its because they can kind of take you for granted - they trust you and know you're going to come back and look after them because you are their main caregiver. You're definitely not a bad parent, I think its quite normal behaviour. Try and make your DH realise how you're feeling though, so he can try and be a bit more tactful next time! (I sympathise on that front too though, as my DP is fond of pointing out that pregnancy is not an illness and he doesn't see why I can't carry heavy shopping/run ten miles/lify heavy slabs/etc like a normal person!!)