Is it the LAW that you have to bring up a second baby differently? My mother seems to think so...

[TheProvincialLady]

When DS was born I got a lot of helpful advice from my mum and extended family about how I should put him down as often as possible so he would get used to it, and how you have to leave babies to cry or they learn that someone will come and they keep doing it Whereas DS was a very clingon baby and I was happy with that. I got a sling and carried him around everywhere, co slept etc. He is now 22m and a happy, confident little soul. My mum now says that this is because of the way DH and I bring him up, which is nice.

Nevertheless, ever since he was about 3 months old (when I was never having any more children, ever, ever again!) she has been going on about how although the attachment parenting type approach is all well and good for a first child, it is just impossible for a second. According to her I will be leaving this one (I am now 16 weeks pg with number two) to cry it out and breast feeding is impossible. I will not have the energy to carry this one around in a sling.

AIBU to think that if I could manage it with DS when I was very, very ill after the birth for some months, then I could manage it with a second baby? Am I just being unrealistic? I think that sticking the new baby in a sling and getting on with things is the ideal solution - then I can meet the needs of DS and the new baby at the same time. I am sure there will be times when one or the other of them will have to wait a while before I can see to them, but it seems daft to me not to try and do it in the easiest way for everyone.

Sorry, this has turned into a rant but it is really starting to get on my nerves. I felt so volunerable last time thinking I was doing the wrong thing by being unable to put him down without a lot of crying from both of us, and I don't want to feel the same way again.

Surely its easier IMO to BF with a 2nd child,obviously DC1 is going to want your attention whilst you are doing so,so you need to have some special "new" toys that they can play with,or put on a DVD etc.

But how you do all that as well as heat up bottles ect.Or make them fresh each time as we are supposed to now,I don't know.

I only bf my first child for four months whereas DD2 I fully breastfed until she was one. It was easier, not harder to bf child 2 (and 3O) IME.
Tell your mother to back off and stop offloading her issues on you in the guise of 'advice'.

I think it depends on the children really.

Before ds2 was born I planned to sit on the sofa breastfeeding him whilst reading a pile of books to ds1 (who loved books at the time). I hadn't figured that ds1 would refuse to sit next to be and would throw any books I brough him across the room. He pretty much refused to read a book with me for another 6 years, but that was probably an extreme example! I had no problems breastfeeidng though and fed ds2 until he was over 2.

I did find that having ds1 and ds2 made establishing breastfeeding (combined with supply problems) impossible with ds3.

THe only thing you should plan is extra help if possible. THat makes it easier to go with the flow.

I have been bf'ing DS2 for 4.5 months now, and it's going great - hope to be able to continue until 1 as with DS1 - although if I have to do it when we are out, DS1 will often take that as an opportunity to do a runner across the park and start clobbering someone or something like that so I have to charge after him with DS2 grimly hanging on by his gums

DS2 goes in the sling a lot (will have to get a non-stretchy one though, he's an oinker now) and I am currently posting my first messages on MN for a few weeks because they are, gasp, sleeping AT THE SAME TIME!

It'll be grand, just smile at your mum and then ignore her.

Only havd time to skim read thread - of course you can BF no 2. I found it easiest to ensure that DD1 had everything she needed (drink, snack, story, tv, whatever) before I got started and then to make sure I didn't obviously "love" the baby too much whilst she was around. DD2 and I had our love ins once DD1 was in bed. She was just 2 when DD2 rolled up.

To be honest, we did have rather more rich tea biscuits and TV in the early days that I'd have liked, but anything to get through. DD2 is a much more relaxed character than DD1 and has always gone with the flow. I am pg again so lets hope this one follows its sisters! I only had a Baby bjorn sling with the first 2 but am going to go for something a bit more hardcore with this one .

I think your children learn from each other and DC2 knows nothing other than sharing you. DC1 has to learn that, but there are lots of things you can do to temper that. I am sorry you were so ill after your son was born. Can you get some (non maternal) help lined up for after the birth?

I was a bit of a nervous wreck after DD1 was born, and I think DD2 benefited from my rather more chilled parenting style. Experience really helps, plus having all your mummy friends already in place for support is a godsend. Don't let your mother put you off - second (and I hope third!) babies are great!

I have 18 months between DD1 and 2 (and am 3 days off due date with DD3) anyway DD2 was BF for 15 months no problems at all.

DD1 was my cling-on child but DD2 is completely different even as a tiny baby she hated being held only to be BF, she was much happier under a baby gym on the floor, she is a very independent toddler now though, quite happy to play on her own if you try and play with her you get told to go away! Cuddles are on her terms completely, DD1 still much more high maintenance.

I think it depends a lot on the childs personality too but I have 2 slings for this one already and am thinking of another one (don't tell DP) Mums are funny things sometimes.

Oh yes it is, I'm convinced!

I won't be able to carry on breastfeeding Tink because she'll get jealous and the milk won't be right for her. I won't be able to use the sling, I'll have to use a pushchair...

I plan on this one being CC'd! I wish I had found out about the whole thing a lot sooner, I've done something similar with Tink and I think it shows (like the knife thing Claire Scott did) but this one will be even more CC.

Knife thing?!

CC'd children being allowed to cut cheese as a toddler and being able to do it safely. Had to reread my post to work out what you meant then lol.

But AP type children aren't able to cut cheese safely? OMG I had no idea I was damaging my DS. Will he ever be able to do it or is there a window?

cc as in continum concept rather than controlled crying TBM?

An unfortunate confusion .

Oh NOW it makes sense!!! I thought you were joking that kids who were left to cry in their cots would be better at cutting cheese! PMSL

Yes, sorry I forget about that clash.

lol TheProvincialLady, I'm trying to remember the whole reasoning behind it. They had a 2 year old cutting cheese with a kitchen knife on BUB. The parents from the show were a little worried but Claire told them it was ok, the child knows how to be safe and even if they did slip they'd learn a lesson (that's similar to my beliefs on stopping a child hurting themself, as long as they're not throwing themself in front of a car or something).

lol x-post, now your post makes more sense to me too.

I dunno, this week I've stated I'm not bfing this one and going to use CC. lol sounds so not me!