so what I really want to say to my kids is..

[Sugarmagnolia]

What the f*g hell is the matter with you? Are you a moron? Are you totally incapable of going into a shop without treating it like a playground or do you just do it to make me totally fucking furious? You are old enough to know better and promise over and over again never to do it next time so why do we have to go through it again every single bloody time we go shopping, even if it's only a quick trip? Sometimes we have to go shopping together whether we like it or not and I wish it didn't fill me with dread/rage every time!!!!

but of course we can't say these things, can we.

No, but we can go silently insane thinking them

Can you pretend they are someone else's kids and you are just looking after them? I have to do that with ds1 sometimes to stop myself losing it.

the way you are and the way they are is a two way, interactive thing.
you cant change the behaviour of another person, only yourself.
try to find out why you feel so much rage for something pretty normal. if you chill out i reckon they will too.

the real problem is that to stop myself saying these things I tend to withdraw a bit - which DD totally senses! - and then hate myself for being so distant from her and worry about what that is doing to her.

Oh dear, Sm, how old are they? We do smash & grab shopping, and otherwise I assume it's going to be hell. Sometimes it's best to go when it's very busy, then my 4 fade into the mob of other shoppers & their unruly offspring.

Internet shopping?

i TOTALLY recognise that cycle sm. i find mself there too... getting time away from the kids to recharge my patience batteries and let the absence make my heart grow fonder is a great help there . are you with them constantly? i think young dc 24/7 can be really draining. hardest bloody thing ive ever done, thats for sure!

also, and this is me, and i dont know you so no idea if it may be relevant to you, but i have been in a tunnel of pnd for a long time, recently relieved by starting taking ad's, and i dont really get like that anymore...

We sometimes talk about it before, fully about what is and is not expected, and maybe a consequence of bad behaviour/ reward for good behaviour..then if they start acting up, then it is..."REMEMBER what WE discussed..?
Usually that works.

But I also don't agree with rewarding them (apart from verbally) everytime they go out. Sometimes it starts to feel like a bribe...

FossilSister - yes but you can't internet shop for every little thing. Today we needed to buy school shoes for next term. purpleduck - we do talk about it before and all I get back is ?yeah, I know?

Take them shopping one at a time.

You can also say to them most of what your post contains but without the name-calling and swearing.

What I want to say to my children on a daily basis is

'It is not bloody rocket science you feckin' idiots! Just eat your breakfast, get dressed, do your teeth, wash your face, put your shoes on and stand by the door! Just like yesterday and the day before and the day before that......or I will bash your head against a wall...................! (joke)'
and in a loud voice!

But of course I dont. I speak in low tones and say the whole thing over and over again and try not to dread the summer holidays!!

Why my 3 year old can brush his teeth like an angel 10% of the time and flip out like a complete maniac 90% of the time, I have no idea.

Being a mother has to be the hardest job.

In no other profession do you have to cope with these levels of stress, emotional blackmail, physical abuse, isolation and irrational, sometimes unpredictable behaviour.

Admittedly, the rewards are pretty great.

what i want to say is "what the F are you screaming for???!!!! Shut the fk up and let me have a phone conversation/listen to the news/write a shopping list". . I love my lo's dearly but they are exastperating at times!

springerspaniel - try being the Diary Secretary to a Secretary of State. At least children grow out of it -I think!

my dd goes upstairs to get ready for school i go up half an hour later to get myself dressed and there she is sitting on the bed STILL in her pj's ,i really despair.