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Original poster

What to do with DS who's been out of nappies for almost a year but still constantly pees in pants

12 replies

JoshandJamie · 02/07/2008 21:44

DS will be 3 in September. He started potty training VERY young because he watched his big brother on the toilet. Started wanting to use the potty at 17 months and was out of nappies by 23 months.

For a couple of months he was pretty good - the odd accident as expected but mostly fine. And we were amazed that he seemed to just get the hold potty thing from day 1. But then the accidents started to increase. And gradually worsened. It goes through phases. Some weeks he has hardly any accidents. Others he pees his pants about 10 times a day.

I have tried:

ignoring it/not giving attention and just changing his pants
star charts/rewards/bribes
speakly very firmly about not peeing in pants
constantly asking if he needs the loo
not asking if he needs the loo
getting him to wipe up mess
explaining consequences (like not being allowed in pre-school room with older boys at nursery(who he admires) if he keeps wetting his pants

NOTHING WORKS!!!!

I know he is more than capable of bladder control. He's sat in our car on many occassions for miles saying he needs to pee and can hold on. So it's not like he can't do it.

He isn't bothered by wet pants. Within a given day he can take himself off to the loo, ask to be taking to the loo, leave it just too late, completely ignore that he's peed himself, almost do it purposefully (although this isn't the norm) - it's more just that he can't be bothered or doesn't notice.

There have been times recently where I've finally resorted to putting him in a nappy because he'll be at a kids' party or somewhere not good for peeing in pants and after the first two or three accidents, i just stick a nappy on. But I'm sure that confuses him more. He doesn't find wearing a nappy nice or nasty - so it's neither an incentive or punishment.

Do I just keep on trucking and hope that one day he will eventually stop doing this?

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Original poster

JoshandJamie · 03/07/2008 16:46

anybody? should I take the silence as fact that this is an unsolvable problem that I just need to keep wiping up?

OP posts:

elizabethsmum · 03/07/2008 20:25

sorry- no idea what to advise but bumping for you as there are plenty of people here with wise words i'm sure

mumblemumhome4lunch · 03/07/2008 20:55

Hiya,
Can't help as I am new to mumsnet (today) and have specifically joined to as the same question - have added a message of my own earlier tonight before I saw yours........my boy is 3 and couple of months and has been out of nappies for just over a year and sounds very much like yours. First few weeks we thought - this potty training lark is easy, what's all the fuss as we didn't have a single accident for a full four weeks !
I've tried everything too and have run out of ideas. Trouble is he is now telling me he wants to try not wearing a nappy at night and gets very upset (we had a couple of tantrums even) when I wont let him - his night nappies are sodden and if he can't be bothered to stay dry in the daytime what hope have we got at night !
Will be watching with lots of interest for any advice you get

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Minimeem · 03/07/2008 22:30

Have you tried finding a potty he REALLY wants to use - brightly coloured or one shaped like a car or something?

Let him choose it, own it and control it (you know the way children are territorial over toys?).

Play games eg, if it is a car - fill it up with fuel (wee) and drive it -sound effects required- to the toilet (to empty)- if you can make him laugh while doing it he will want to do it again.

Out and about - take it with you

At night leave it in his room

Just keep trying - it will happen!

BabiesEverywhere · 04/07/2008 08:25

Have you kept a food diary, alongside the accidents ?

Dairy products and melon are common triggers for wee accidents.

2point4kids · 04/07/2008 08:33

Could you take a wee sample to the Drs on a period when he is having lots of accidents just to rule out uti's?
Maybe trousers on and no pants underneath to make it definitely feel like he is not wearing a nappy?
Sorry, not sure what else to suggest...

Dropdeadfred · 04/07/2008 08:36

I know you don't want to hearthis...but I think he's not ready. Wetting yourself 10 times a day is not having the odd accident it's not being toliet trained at all...put him back into nappies and try again in a couple of months..?

Original poster

JoshandJamie · 04/07/2008 08:52

Thanks everyone and mumblemum, glad I'm not alone.

Dropdeadfred, the thing is that he is toilet trained. He knows how to hold on, he knows how to go to the loo (even on his own), he tells us when he wants to go to the loo. It's just that it's not consistent. I think he was too young when he started but we're now so far down the path that going back into nappies just seems completely counter-intuitive. Maybe it is the right thing to do but it just feels wrong.

2point4, I have once taken a sample to the docs but they couldn't find any problem.

Babieseverywhere, that's a good idea as I've never thought food could trigger accidents. He has dairy daily - but he doesn't have accidents daily. Melon he has infrequently so I doubt that would be a cause but I will start to jot down what he's eaten in a day that he has many accidents.

OP posts:

Dropdeadfred · 04/07/2008 09:09

I understand what you're syaing..I just think some children get very distracted (playing, watching tv etc) and their brain either ignores the messages about needing to go or they make the decision themselves to ignore the messages!!Often it can take a 'timeout' of pantsand a fresh start to give them a clean slate so to speak.

otherwise I can only suggest insisting on hm visiting the toilet every 20 mins. He may get so fed up of this that he decides to take control again

Original poster

JoshandJamie · 04/07/2008 10:15

Good idea on the 20 minute thing. Perhaps I'll try that first and then see how we get on. Sigh

OP posts:

BabyBuftersNappies · 07/07/2008 13:31

My DD is the same . Dry day and night then just started to wet during the day.
She is still dry at night.
All the research i have done says it very common and there isnt a problem if they are dry still at night.

We are riding it out and put pull ups on when at play centers etc

mumblemumhome4lunch · 07/07/2008 19:39

I understand what Dropdeadfred says about are they ready BUT mine (and JoshandJamie from what I understand, has had long periods where he is reliably dry and able to manage this completely by himself ie taking himself off to the toilet, going and washing hands and back to whatever he was doing with no prompting or interaction from me.

Some good news.........just had our first dry day in oh I don't know how long !!! Not actually sure what I did differently.......except have been trying, over the last few days, to be really over the top positive about how he " almost made it in time" and talking to him about how his jiggling about is a sign that the he will need to wee really soon and maybe he should go to the tolet then and beat his wee wee to it.

He loves a competition and being "first" so maybe that has helped.

That and we've started a "Satly" train fund as that is something he really really really wants and he gets money to go in it if he has the same pants on at bedtime as he did when he got dressed in the morning. We've tried other enducements without sucess and I think it's about finding exactly the right one that is just an absolutely must have thing.

Hope that might help a little.

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