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Original poster

regret not making school mum friends

33 replies

CandleLightss · Today 13:30

when my kids started school i had just moved into a new area after an abusive relationship ended, i was pregnant and honestly looking back i was very depressed, my kids started school and i just put my head down didn’t talk to anyone and kept to myself, i didn’t realise how depressed i was at the time but it made me stay away from people and make no efforts or attempts to mix with people at the school. it’s years later now and i really regret not making friends or at least trying to at the school with the other parents, it’s too late now (many years have passed so i wouldn’t randomly just approach people now the same people that would remember me) i see the other mums standing and talking and feel so bad i didn’t try harder to make friends. it’s affected dd as well as she doesn’t get invited to things (probably because im not friends with the mums) other than a few parties at the start but those have stopped now. did anyone else regret not making mum friends?

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Original poster
CandleLightss · Today 15:53

mindutopia · Today 14:51

I’m not friends with school mums. Never have been and my eldest is in Y9 now. Trust me, it has absolutely no impact on whether your dd gets invited to parties or play dates after about the age of 3. Parties in reception/Y1 are largely whole class parties or small group parties with those children who are thought to be close friends. After that, it’s totally just who their friends are. No kids are going home asking to invite Millie who they don’t get along with to their birthday party because they know their mum likes Millie’s mum.

But you do have to make an effort. Host parties, host play dates, invite friends to meet up to go trick or treating or play in the park. You do have to actively do it. But I am not friends with any of the parents in my dc’s years, with the exception of a few who are our neighbours or who I know through a hobby anyway. My dc have always been invited to lots of things and have lots of good friends.

But also don’t assume everyone has loads of friends. People don’t feel as included as you think they do. Go chat to someone at pick up time or invite them in for tea when they come to collect from a play date. They won’t run away. They’ll be grateful for your kindness.

Thats what I mean though, I didn’t do any of that, I certainly didn’t have parties or anything

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Original poster
CandleLightss · Today 15:55

JLou08 · Today 14:51

Having friends linked with your DD probably isn't the best way to make friends. If the kids fall out if effects your friendship and visa versa if the adults fall out in effect the DCs friendship.
Do you have a job? I've met my best friends through work. If you can't work could you volunteer somewhere or join a social group? There are usually things on at local libraries or community centres. Some church's in my area do groups for adults too.

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I work from home and im not religious but thanks, I prefer to have mum friends anyway as most people without kids dont actually want to spend time with people that
do

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Original poster
CandleLightss · Today 15:56

taupeshorts · Today 15:12

Hey OP, I’m not a mum but I can empathise with losing friends due to an abusive partner. I’d go for a coffee with you!

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thank you thats really kind

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Original poster
CandleLightss · Today 15:57

Freshrain · Today 15:37

What about at other activities your dc do ?

I've become friends with parents after standing together on the touchline for a few years, watching out dc play. Or waiting for them at the swimming baths. Or helping out at Scout fundraisers.

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she doesn’t do any clubs outside of school at the moment

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Nocameltoeleggingsplease · Today 16:00

CandleLightss · Today 15:53

Thats what I mean though, I didn’t do any of that, I certainly didn’t have parties or anything

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Maybe you could have a party for your DD next birthday that she could invite friends to?

I didn’t have mum friends that I met at the school gates as I worked full time and DH did drop off and pick up. But DD had parties (usually first as was oldest in the year) and was invited to others and I got to know people that way. It’s not too late but if you’ve never given her a birthday party with friends maybe now is the time to start?

Autumnishere1 · Today 16:03

I get this, my child is year 3 and there are a handful of parents I interact with, but there are loads I have never really spoken to and it would feel odd to approach them now.

Why doesn't your child do any extracurricular activities if you don't mind me asking? That is a great way to meet other parents, and also for your child to meet new friends which opens up opportunities to invite them for tea etc

Original poster
CandleLightss · Today 16:25

Nocameltoeleggingsplease · Today 16:00

Maybe you could have a party for your DD next birthday that she could invite friends to?

I didn’t have mum friends that I met at the school gates as I worked full time and DH did drop off and pick up. But DD had parties (usually first as was oldest in the year) and was invited to others and I got to know people that way. It’s not too late but if you’ve never given her a birthday party with friends maybe now is the time to start?

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I never wanted to do parties when she was younger and she never asked for one tbh, her birthday isnt till the summer so some time away now

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Original poster
CandleLightss · Today 16:26

Autumnishere1 · Today 16:03

I get this, my child is year 3 and there are a handful of parents I interact with, but there are loads I have never really spoken to and it would feel odd to approach them now.

Why doesn't your child do any extracurricular activities if you don't mind me asking? That is a great way to meet other parents, and also for your child to meet new friends which opens up opportunities to invite them for tea etc

She has done them in the past but finds the day too long and tiring and was often too tired to go after school. Weekends I like to do days out rather than clubs as I feel like it’s nice to spend time with them on the weekend when they are at school all week

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