Partner & stepson at bedtime

[Dad01234]

Me & my partner have been together 4 years, she has a 7 year old from a previous relationship & I have a 5 year old from a previous relationship.

My son goes to bed no issues, I say goodnight, then I see him in the morning but her son continuously gets out of bed at night & wont go to sleep. He makes up all the excuses under the sun from he’s hungry to he’s not tired to he’s scared to he has an itch. Sometimes this goes on for over an hour.

My issue is everytime he asks for something stupid she goes running round the house to get it for him. This can range from anything to suddenly needing medicine to a plaster to a random light needing to be on & when none of those work she gets into his bed and cuddles him for like 10 mins. (They all ready have a 10 min cuddle to relax him before bed anyway) this can go on serval times so there can be 3 or 4 separate cuddle times on top of his one before bed.

My argument is the more she runs around after him the more he gets up & out of bed. She says he needs her and she’s being a good parent but before she puts him to bed she ask him if he needs anything and he says no. But 10 mins after she walks away all of a sudden a dozen things are suddenly wrong. I tell her to just put him back in bed and say goodnight but she insists on staying up in his room every time he gets out of bed for another 10 mins.

what is the right solution as every time I mention it she just gets really angry and says we have different ways of parenting

Another thing to note is she is 50/50 with his dad. At his dads he doesn’t so this. Neither does he do this at his grandparents it’s only here. So for me it’s selective just for him mum

Sounds like he's either scared (monsters under the bed) or he feels insecure because of his step brother. Obviously your partner can't go on like this, but she needs to address the root cause of the problem.

This relationship is never ever going to result in all 4 of you being happy. The two of you are unable to resolve conflict or disagreements together so it will never work, there will always be a problem cropping up.

His username says Dad. And he presumably feels the need to comment because she won’t say no to her son but cries and complains about him getting up all evening.

Are you mum or dad? Do both children live full time with you or shared with other parent?

I am the dad. Me and my partner live together. Her son is split 50/50 and my son is here every other weekend. Someone mentioned jealousy about the other kid but my son isn’t here in the week. We had problems last night & my son wasn’t even there. Someone else asked how long we’ve been together. As stated in my original post we have been together just over 4 years and lived together for 3.5 years so this isn’t a new adjustment or a shock to anyone’s system. The kids both have separate bedrooms with their own space. They both have nightlights with the solar system as someone mentioned getting a night light.

I think you should keep out of it. How long have you lived together?

You need to try and talk about it when it’s not actually happening so it doesn’t feel like an attack to her.

Ask her if she’d like things to change and what could you both do to work as a team to try and crack the situation.

She’s between a rock and a hard place with wanting to be there for her child and also wanting to be firm enough to make the evenings easier so any negativity coming from you will only get her back up.

Fuck me I couldn’t deal with this from a 9 year old. Bed. Now. He’s not going to be getting enough sleep with all that fart arsing around at bedtime is he??
I couldn’t live with someone who wouldn’t sort this shit out. They all go through clingy stages but she’s not doing him any favours indulging this nonsense.

The poor kid is probably missing his mum if he has to do 50/50 and is feeling unsettled.
He probably doesn't do it for his dad or grandparents because it's his mum he needs.

If he's only there 50/50, then of course she's going to go and try and settle her little boy.
What sort of a man would try and stop that??