DS keeps eating things he’s allergic to at school and I don’t know what to do

[OneAmberZebra]

DS is 14 and in year 10. He has an egg allergy which we’ve known about for years and school have all his allergy info. He’s had a few reactions at school now after eating things he shouldn’t have and I’m starting to wonder if he’s doing it on purpose.

The first time he said he’d eaten something another boy had given him and hadn’t realised. Fair enough, I wasn’t happy but he’s 14 and I can see how it happened. Then he bought a snack without checking it properly and was sick again. Today school rang me because he’d eaten something with egg in and had a reaction. They’ve said they’re getting concerned now because its happened several times and they don’t think its just carelessness any more.

They haven’t actually said he is doing it to get sent home but they did ask if I thought there was a reason he might be deliberately putting himself at risk. But he’s known about it for years and we check everything at home. School have his plan and know what to do if he reacts.

He has been a bit funny about school lately. Moaning about certain lessons and saying he can’t be bothered with it all. Nothing specific though and he hasn’t told me anything is going on. When I’ve collected him after these incidents he’s seemed quite happy to be home, which is what has got me thinking. He isn’t exactly upset about missing the rest of the school day.

I asked him tonight why he keeps eating things he knows he can’t have and he got really annoyed with me. Said it was an accident and I was making out he was stupid. I said I wasn’t calling him stupid but he can’t keep doing this because next time he could have a much worse reaction. He just said I didn’t believe him and went upstairs.

DP thinks he’s old enough to know better and if he’s doing it deliberately then he needs consequences. I’m not sure how you even punish something like this when I don’t know for certain what he’s doing or why. His dad thinks I’m overthinking it as usual but he’s not the one dealing with the school calls.

School want a meeting with me this week. I’m going to ask if they’ve noticed anything else going on but I don’t really know what else to do. Do I push DS to tell me the truth or leave it for now and see what school say? I’m worried about the allergy obviously but also wondering why he’d risk making himself ill just to get out of school if that’s what he’s doing.

What is the lunch process like at his school?

At one school I worked in a child repeatedly had foods they couldn’t and it turned out that, as is common in many schools, lunch is mayhem in that school. By the time the child was getting their lunch on most days the options of what was left was extremely limited.

One of my DD’s has narcolepsy with cataplexy and we had a run at a similar age where she kept putting herself in risky situations. She was just sick of being different and acted like her friends constantly for a few months, despite the risks (and injuries) it caused her. I believe that’s very common for teens around that age.

Is he doing this on certain days? The same-day as double English (or whatever he doesn't like)?

How are his reactions managed? If it is with antihistamines could you make him take one in the morning.

This type of self sabotaging is very common in teenagers. As a pp mentioned, it is often the case that diabetic teens deliberately stop effectively managing their condition at this age too. It could be wanting to get out of school, but it can also be teenage rebellion, anger at being different, attention seeking, curiosity.

I don't think forcing him to take a packed lunch is likely to work, as if he is determined he will get hold of it somehow.

I second the advice about going for a long drive to try to grg him to open up a bit.

I’d say to him you’re planning on asking the head in the school meeting to show all staff selling food his picture so they can check labels for him if he can’t do it himself- I expect him to be mortified at this and snap out of it.

I think it’s to come home- loads of 14 year olds would do the same.

But this is reat possibility with egg intolerance. He should know about it.

Hand the baton over to dad.

He can deal with the calls from school and also attend the upcoming meeting.

He can also deal out consequences.

Has DS done any allergy challenges? Is he under the care of a GP or an allergy doctor?

Definitely. If he is being sent home from school on the basis that he is too ill to be there, he needs to go to bed in a darkened room; no books, no phone, no tv, no devices.

This is my reaction to gluten and sometimes I will just take the hit. The vomit / upset stomach is worth it. I wouldn’t eat cheap white bread but an amazing pastry / bread etc I would have some.

He’s a teenage boy trying to fit in and being the kid who has to check everything is annoying, who can’t just be like everyone else.

I would ask him if he wants to stay at school if he’s accidentally eaten eggs, then tell him unless his mouth is swelling up / breathing affected to not tell the teacher. Or ask the school if he can stay, what’s the problem if he stays and what if it is a sneaky way of getting out of some classes.

Get him some snacks that are safe he can take to school and doesn’t need to check in front of others.

Is school the only place that he is accidently ingesting egg?

DS is not being careful enough.
Ask DS to be ready 10 minutes early each morning so he can make himself his school lunch.
Ban him from eating any other food at school. He needs to show more diligence in how he reads labels etc.

If he comes home from school again, for whatever reason, DS needs to not have much joy. No screens, has to bake food for next day, tidy his room, complete homework - do something productive.

Engage with school. Your hunch of DS instigating the events is one valid reason. The school could offer insight as to how well DS is coping socially and with new work.

Nice idea in theory but at his age he'll just get his mate to buy it for him my friends kids school banned strawberrys because there was a kid with allergies and she'd steal them from other kids lunchboxes or even the bin

Your situation reminds me of a book I read years ago, written by a woman who had food allergies. She talked about rebelling against it when she was a teen, drinking creamy- looking cocktails without asking the ingredients (allergies included dairy) and after one reaction, she was terrified because she realised that one day her parents wouldn't be able to be responsible for keeping her safe, or even be there to hold her while she was ill.

It could be partly that? A realisation that he is becoming more aware of the huge responsibilty of managing his allergies and he's kicking out against it?

What does he do when he gets home?
Make him spend several hours catching up on school work at the weekend

Show him a video about anaphylaxis. I was very cavalier about my allergies when I was young, and had it not been for a proximate hospital, I would certainly have died.

Could you maybe encourage him to go on a no UPF protein rich diet at school, and he can tell his mates he is training? If he gets into fitness building mindset he is less likely to want to sabotage his body?

Actually I would be inclined towards this, a long wait in A and E. Not just for the ‘shock’ effect but actually because if you have an allergy it is harmful to the body to repeatedly expose it to allergens unless you are being monitored! My DC has an egg allergy (epi pens though) and I would do this.

I also know some yp who do this as a form of self harm. Same with diabetic yp. I would possibly consider seeking a GP appt to raise this as well and explaining to your son how it looks.

as for school, packed lunch only. No money if he can’t be trusted. You can’t remove all risk due to his age as mates could give money but you can do as much as possible. And lots of work no screens or devices when at home if possible

He sounds like Ferris Bullet licking his palms to get out of school, he's found out he can avoid lessons he doesn't like by making himself sick,l would check his timetable against the incidents,it will give you a better idea of what he has a problem with.

I think with the school you need to be very clear that you are not able to control what he eats at school, they are, so you have to rely on them to ensure he isn’t given something he is allergic to. They can’t really expect you to do anything except remind him to check and read labels.

If you think more is happening but he won’t disclose then just gentle chats and reassuring him you are there for him.

Id be inclined not to be able to collect from school next time too. Let school manage it - it might be more boring and less of an incentive if it is intentional.

I would ask them for a record or every time he has been sent hone and cross reference it with his planner. Is he avoiding a particular subject?

I think you need to explain to him that every time he has an accident, he's increasing his risk of having a serious reaction. An itch and vomiting is bad and a bit inconvenient, but when your airway is closing and you can't breathe things, get real. Just because his reaction has been mild, that doesn't mean the next reaction will be. He is playing Russian Roulette with his life.

Another one recommending check his timetable, is he avoiding a subject or group he doesn't want to admit to having an issue with? And I agree with making him go to A&E for an assessment everytime, the painful wait will put him off deliberate eating and staff taking it very seriously may help him process and understand the issue.

Is he saying he definately ate egg or is he assuming he ate egg. I say this because with your symptoms list that's also symptoms people get from histamine intolerance ie eating high histamine foods. Its common is people who have mild hypermobility in their family but its just not very well known.

If you have coeliac disease that's wildly irresponsible...do you know what you're doing to your insides?!

My nephew suffers from egg allergy and, amongst other symotoms, gets diarrhea after eating eggs. I am speaking from experience.