Can I love a second child as much as my first?

[User7164]

Had DD 4.5 years ago. Traumatic birth, difficult pregnancy, didn’t sleep for 3.5 years (still wakes once a night and sleeps in my bed which I don’t mind compared to the torture of the sleep deprivation!).

We share an intense bond and I’ve always been 100% certain that I was one and done because I love her so much, and partly because I never wanted to risk going through all the difficulties again!

Recently though, she’s at school, and I’m missing her so much, and it’s made me start thinking that maybe we should have another child and give her a sibling.

She isn’t interested in babies or younger children, only wants to play with the big kids. Which worries me if they’d even get on.

I also worry about losing the time I have to myself currently, yes it’s selfish and no I’m not sorry, it keeps me sane and being a good mum!

I worry about not being able to give her my all anymore, about everything becoming split 50/50 including my attention, effort, love…

I see people with multiple children and I genuinely have no clue how they do it. They are superhuman. And I have no idea what to do! I don’t want a huge age gap if we did have another. 6 years is big enough for me. So I feel like I’m under pressure to make the decision.

I just wanted to see if anyone else had been in a similar position. What did you decide? And how do you feel about your decision now?

Thank you. Xxx

I had 2 under 2 so just had to get on 😂

I’m an only child, so as a kid, I was fascinated by other families. I couldn’t work out how they could love the kids, especially if one was naughty and one was good. 😝

When we had our first, I didn’t have that instant overwhelming bond you hear about, for me, it built more gradually. By the time our first child was one, we started to worry if it would be fair on our first child to have a second. Clearly our first child was sooooo amazing that we would constantly be comparing the second child to the first. It would be easy to think I was a complete idiot, surprisingly I’m not.

When the second child was born those hormones did kick in instantly and that feeling where I could lift a car if I needed to, to protect my child was strong. I couldn’t believe that we ever considered not having a second child.

I think you will probably look back and feel the same way. We ended up having four.

When you have a second child you don’t share the love you just have more love so I wouldn’t worry about that.
my sister is 6 years older than me, I presume she played with me when I was little but I have no memory of that. My memories start around 6 ish and she alway seemed ‘big’ she was hanging out with her friends and never had time for me. The age gap felt huge until we were in our twenties then we started to get closer.

I think I speak for many eldest children when I say; you’re likely to love the youngest even more 🤣

I’m not sure missing your kid is a good reason to have another though. What happens when the next child goes to school? Will you want one more, and one more? It sounds like you’re really happy with one!

Love this answer. Thank you x

This was really helpful to read. That’s exactly how I feel about my first. Thank you for being so honest xx

Yes