How do I manage bedtime with a 3yo and a 4 week old on my own?

[Daisysimply]

Looking for some advice/ideas because I’m really struggling with bedtime at the moment and I’m not sure how to make this work!
I have a 3 year old and a 4 week old and I’m essentially solo parenting in the evenings as my partner works until late. My toddler needs to be in bed around 7–8pm, whereas I don’t really want to be trying to get the newborn to bed until after 9pm.
The problem is that they both co-sleep with me in my bed and they both currently need me to settle them to sleep.
My 3yo insists on me cuddling her to sleep and will generally only settle if I lie still with her. Meanwhile, the baby is at the stage where she’s very unsettled when awake and is crying/fussing much more and she wants to be bounced/rocked while I’m standing up. So I’m basically trying to lie still cuddling a toddler to sleep while simultaneously having a newborn who wants me to stand up and bounce her!
I’m finding it really difficult because there isn’t anyone available to hold the baby while I put the toddler to bed, so I’m wondering how other people managed this stage.
Did you change your toddler’s bedtime routine? Get them used to settling without you? Put the baby down somewhere while doing bedtime, even if they cried? Or somehow manage both at once?
I know this is probably just a difficult phase and things will change, but right now evenings feel impossible and I’d really appreciate hearing what actually worked for other people.
Any tips for getting a 3yo settled with a newborn present would be very welcome!

Aaw I remember this like it was yesterday, I had a 3 yo son and a baby girl and a husband who worked late. Neither slept in my bed, but I wanted to spend some time with my son, so he would wait with me until I put baby to sleep and than I would go and read to him and cuddle. My daughter was a colic and for quite some time it was really hard to calm her down, so he would have to wait a long time, by angel.

I am sorry, I do not have anything helpful to say. Just wanted to come here and give you a virtual hug.

My DH is a shift worker so I was doing double bedtime like this from the little one being 6 weeks old (and the eldest age 3 like yours).

I would get both into PJs, read to eldest DD, then turn on an audio book and switch the lights off and feed baby DD in the dark sitting on a chair next to the bed, or feed while singing to them both. Older DD would often fall asleep while that was ongoing, but if not and a nappy change was needed due to post feed poonami, I would explain that I had to change her sister so she was clean but I’d be right back and 90 per cent of the time she would be fine with that and mostly have nodded off by the time I returned.

Considering she needed a lot of support to sleep I was so worried about this but as it happened it was easier than expected. Older DD has been a pretty independent sleeper ever since where as younger DD (now almost 6) still needs a lot of reassurance/being sat with from time to time.

Audio books were the key for me. Get a Yoto player. It’s a very worthwhile investment. Then 3yo is now 9 and still uses it daily

I breastfed the baby while my toddler was trying to fall asleep but I was able to cuddle for a while and then shift to sitting more upright next to her, stroking her back etc to help her fall asleep while I fed the baby. Sometimes bedtime just ends up being not the ideal time for everyone to make it work. I tended to put my toddler to bed later on the 2 nights a week my husband wasn't home as it was too hard managing their very different needs if they both weren't tired enough for bed.