She sounds like me and my eldest DS, we both have ADHD. I don't think my poor mum knew what colour my bedroom carpet was for about five years from 13 until I moved out.
It's hard. I won't sugar coat it. There is a book I think is good called "How not to murder your ADHD child" - OK, black humour but it can be utterly infuriating at times. (And no I am not doing "diagnosis by internet" - obviously this is not a diagnosis but struggling with behaviour patterns like this is hard.)
I would strongly suggest going to the GP, because she is having significant enough challenges that it's getting in the way of education and causing disruption to the entire family to the point that you're in this deep level of distress. It's not good, and that deserves some investigation to see whether anything can help. Medication can be transformative for ADHD. Sometimes when a young person takes medication during a more formative period of their life, it can reduce the necessity to depend on it later in life. I will probably always be on ADHD medication. I'm not functional without it. I just about manage with it, it's a work in progress. I am so much better than I was 10 years ago but still don't feel like an adult who has their shit together.
I tend to sort of "collect knowledge" and so ADHD has been one of my focuses over the last 10 years or so since I was diagnosed. As far as I can tell, and what works with my own family, the formula for parenting ADHD like challenges (or any scenario where there's so much going on it's all like a big tangled mess) is this -
First - Triage the issues. In your post you've mentioned waking up, attitude, organisation of school things, morning routine, messiness of room, mess spreading outside room. Pick the one which is having the biggest impact, and focus solely on that, otherwise you are just picking at things randomly and never get anywhere on any of the issues. Try to find ways to work around the others, temporarily. Ross Greene books can be good for this (The Explosive Child / Raising Human Beings).
Workarounds might mean that an adult takes over that responsibility, like you would for a much younger child.
It might mean not getting involved in some issue, or emotionally detaching. Letting there be a natural consequence, ignoring something for now, mentally writing things off (e.g. if their carpet is stained because of crap in their room, budget to replace it later, and then stop caring about further damage). Sometimes this is a radical shift, e.g. accepting that they are not going to pass this stage of school and just letting it be. It depends how bad things are, but sometimes this is survival. Long term, there are other routes for almost everything.
It might mean that you use some solution which is not ideal but works as a temporary bridge. Like if she is taking food up to her room, get her paper plates, so she is not hoarding all the family's crockery and cutlery, and turn up with a bin bag once a day/week and get her to put everything in it so that mould is not growing, for example.
Second - Emotional distance for parent. You cannot attach your self-worth to how well they are performing, it will destroy you. You cannot try to control the way their life goes or their experience with school or anything. You need a source, separately, of feeling valued and capable. It can be work, it can be a hobby, a relationship, a personal goal, volunteering, a pet. Whatever. Probably another child is a bit dodgy ethically to invest this kind of thing in because it runs the risk of feeling like "favourites" but I don't even know any more 😂 whatever works, honestly. Therapy can be really helpful. Time and space away from physical proximity to this child's nervous system or energetic field or whatever you want to call it is crucial. It's not their fault, but children are already draining to your energy and this kind of difficulty is that but multiplied. It is exhausting and you need space to recharge. You can only give so much. A good book for this is When Your Kids Push Your Buttons (though it is better for younger kids). Try to separate your relationship with them from this - this is tricky. But basically try to have a way to engage with them about something totally pointless and unrelated (like a shared TV programme or whatever) so your relationship has a space where it exists without the pressure you feel to improve them. 15 minute parenting books good for this one.
Third - Understand how to recognise when your child is getting dragged into a storm of their own emotions, and do not feed this by getting dragged into your own emotional response. I actually think this is one of the most crucial things to understand, because it's so automatic and easy as a response and very difficult to change. ADHD Dude calls it "The Emotion Vortex".
Changing this goes against some of the things which are natural to us. When children are anxious, we are supposed to reassure them. When they are upset, we are supposed to soothe them. When they feel wronged, we are supposed to listen and support them. The problem is that you can inadvertantly end up feeding the same emotions and they become bigger. And if your child is prone to having overwhelming emotions in the first place, bigger is the opposite of what you want. You don't want to shut emotions down, obviously, but to be able to separate "I hear/understand that you are upset" and "We can't solve the problem like this. It only works when everyone is calm." Or just not taking personally what they say/do when they are in one of those emotional storms. Learning about regulation can help here. My favourite regulation explanation/metaphor is Robyn Gobbels' Watchdog brain vs Owl brain. She writes about it in the book Big Baffling Behaviours. Again, better for younger children but probably still relevant. I also think the SPACE approach covers the emotional side really well, and can be very helpful if you often find that you can't address things with your child because they become angry or distraught. (SPACE is also good because it only requires action from you, not input from your child).
Fourth - back to the triaged "biggest problem" - make a proactive plan to work on it. You can use the Ross Greene method, if your child will collaborate with you. He suggests that if they won't, you start off by using the workaround approach for everything, and get into a headspace where you genuinely accept that at least for now, and only then approach your child, and see if that helps. If not, stick to the workaround for everything approach a bit longer. I have seen people online have genuine success with this.
I do also think that you can use classic behaviourism and skills training, which essentially means breaking down the elephant and eating it bite by bite. This is against what a lot of the "low demand" or "regulation" experts suggest and believe, but it has worked for our family, and I think it's possible to combine the best of both approaches, especially if you try really hard to keep all of your "disciplinary" stuff to this contained issue, and try to avoid e.g. nagging at them or punishing them for unrelated stuff you're not directly trying to work on. Maybe not for all children, but certainly for a lot. The research for ADHD says that children with ADHD are behind in their executive functioning development, and most issues that children struggle with when they have ADHD or display similar patterns to ADHD are executive functioning related. There is a good book series called Smart But Scattered, which does a good job linking EF skills to various home and school related life skills that children might struggle with, which is a good resource. You can also if you feel comfortable, try putting some aspects of the issue you're trying to work on into a chatbot and see if it can tell you which aspects of child development are related and what the underlying framework might be, and even how to break down a task or expectation into smaller steps which might be more achievable. Of course, check what it says because they can make stuff up, but it's often a good place to start when you know basically nothing about a field of study. It will get you to a starting point. The Co-Regulation Handbook by Linda Murphy is a good resource for how to shift from "doing for" to "doing with" to independence, although all of the examples are VERY young or early-in-development children, again, the principles can be adapted.
The other bit of research which is helpful to know is that in general, for all humans, but especially children and particularly people with ADHD is that the consequence (which can mean reward or punishment), ie feedback, must occur as close to the behaviour as possible. In other words, break everything down into much smaller chunks. There is no sense in asking your child to behave well for a week in order to get a reward, because it often won't work. You have to be at the very least marking the behaviour at short intervals, as short as possible - kind of like using a clicker in dog training, so the dog gets immediate feedback that it is on the right track for a reward. And recognise movement in the right direction. If they usually hit and one day they only shout instead, let them know you are proud of them not hitting, even though that feels counterproductive. Reward is also vastly more effective than punishment. If you are going to use punishment, it should be minor, temporary, and repeatable. You don't want to end up in the situation where you've banned things for so long into the future that the child just adjusts to living without it and can't even remember why they lost it in the first place, and that "so long" is very short if you have ADHD in the picture. Learning to recognise a step towards the outcome that you want is really important and genuinely helpful, because it means you can keep things moving in the right direction even if you are not fully there yet, and you don't give up because progress is inconsistent. The best resource I have found for this is the Yale ABCs Parenting course which can be accessed on Youtube. Again it is a bit more geared towards younger children, but it can be adapted for older children/teenagers. e.g. I currently pay my 18yo €20 every Friday as long as he has been to school all week. It's just his lunch money which he would have got anyway, but this is the way we (he and I) have chosen to frame it, because it helps motivate him. Weekly works better for him than waiting for his tutor to email me in distress, or the half-year report. A younger teenager would probably need more frequent feedback than this, possibly daily or ideally immediately, depending on what the goal is.
And of course, pursue assessment if appropriate and consult advice of a medical professional about any relevant treatment or therapy if available.