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DD has seen some horrible stuff on Internet - is she damaged for life?

5 replies

grendel · 30/06/2008 21:18

Left DD (8.10) happily playing some CBBC game on my computer while I did some boring gardening yesterday. When I came in she seemed unusually keen for me to go out and do some more gardening which is unusual and also spontaneously said 'I haven't been doing anything naughty' which of course made me suspicious.
When I checked the browser history later I discovered that she had done a search for 'naked women' which would be a fairly innocuous but slightly naughty thing in her mind. Unfortunately this is the internet and what she found was a whole series of hideous stuff. I clicked through some of the pages in the history and felt utterly sick at some of the stuff she'd seen. Even now thinking about it I get weepy and panicky.

She didn't really do anything very naughty. (We used to look up rude words in the dictionary when I was her age.) The problem was that she was using my computer which has no 'child proofing' on it - her computer (which is child proof) was having problems getting an internet connection so I said she could use mine and it never occurred to me that she would try anything like this. [I'm a bad mother]

Obviously I've now child proofed my computer as well. I've told her that I know what she's been doing and that I'll know if she does it again. I also said that I think she might have seen some frightening things and asked if she's OK. She is v embarraseed and doesn't want to talk about it.

It's not that I think she's been naughty it's more that I'm appalled at what I've inadvertantly let her be exposed to by my nonchalant attitude.

What effect is this likely to have on her? I don't know how to handle this. I'm hoping that some of the images she just wouldn't understand and just be amused that they were naked.

Anyone have any advice?

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snickersnack · 30/06/2008 21:24

Try not to beat yourself up - it would never have occurred to me that you could call up that kind of imagery so easily.

I guess it would depend on whether it was just explicit or whether it was violent - if you think it was just explicit, I wouldn't pursue it too hard - just explain that you don't think that sort of thing is acceptable, you'd much rather she hadn't seen it, but it's not worth worrying abut. If it was showing violence in some form, then I think you might need to choose your moment carefully to ask her to talk about it - I think she'll probably be fine if you don't make her feel she's done anything wrong. I would sit down with her and say that if she wants to talk about what she's seen, you're very happy to talk to her, and you know it wasn't her fault.

When I was 8 a friend's mother left us in front of the tv and we put on a fairly nasty video - the details escape me but it was some kind of fairly nasty exploitation film, with women being treated badly. God knows where we found it or what it was doing there - I never told my parents, but it didn't scar me for life. The images stayed with me for a while, but as I got older I had some perspective.

AMumInScotland · 30/06/2008 21:24

I'm sure it won't have caused her harm - probably put her off looking for that kind of stuff for a while though! If she's curious, it may be worth talking to her more than you already have about sex etc, and/or getting her a suitable book which she can dip into when she wants to know more.

grendel · 30/06/2008 21:53

Thank you for your swift and sensible replies.

Funny thing is that I was just thinking it was nearly time for more info about sex. Didn't really expect to have to cover bondage, masturbation or guy on guy action at this stage though...

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alardi · 30/06/2008 22:16

Hum, we had something similar with my 8yo DS a few months ago. Bit of a wake up call for us, too.

When I was a child my dad had girlie magazines (quite explicit) I used to sneak looks at when I could. It didn't scar me (I reckon).

Bumdiddley · 30/06/2008 22:29

I found a porn mag in a phone box when I was 8. (it was just down the road from our house - I used ti call my mum!!)

I remember a picture of a 'lady' erm..shaving herself on a wicker chair. I found it fascinating.

Don't worry! She'll be fine.

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