Not wanting to come home from friend's house - embarrassing scene!

[sievehead]

DD1 5 years old went to friends house today. behaved beautifully apparently - then I got there! She refused to change back into her clothes (they'd been dressing up), had to struggle with her for over half an hour, and then she was being very silly, wouldn't say thank you for having me - all very embarassing. How do you deal with this - as I know its very common, always happens when her friends come here too. but just find it difficult to deal with when you're in someone else's house....

[sievehead]

thanks Trefusis - I feel better now. I did try bribery it didn't work though! Then I thought, sod it - you're not getting any treats as you're being so horrid. Gave her a good telling off when we got home, and hopefully she realises she was wrong. Made me so cross though!

[lulupop]

OMG my DS is 3 and his best friend is a little girl. We live very close to each other and as they adore each other so much (and conveniently her mother happens to be my best friend in town), they play quite a lot. Lately, they've both been going into one when it's time to go home, although my DS is by far the worst. Normally quite a calm child, when I get his coat and shoes ready, he falls to the floor wailing and howling, and the only way to get out is just wrestle him into his stuff and drag him out the door. Once in the car and calmer, he says things like "Mummy, I love [his friend] so much, I don't want to go home, I just want to marry her and live at her house"

[Twiglett]

you just take a deep breath, continue manhandling child and think 'they all do this, they all do this'

[Stilltrue]

My eldest was the WORST ever for doing this. My dd (6) has started, having previously been very good at leaving at the appropriate time. Agree it's worse for you than for the other mum; you feel conspicuous and embarrassed. If it happens at my house I honestly don't mind it, and do take it as a compliment that the visitor has had a happy time, if that makes you feel any better! When the boot is on the other foot, I say to dd in advance,eg, before school if it's an after school playdate, that if she greets me pleasantly when I arrive, and doesn't make ANY fuss about leaving, I will be delighted, and the other mummy will realise that since she is such good company/so well mannered/well behaved (whatever value you want to substitute), she and her friend will be able to see each other very soon. I think they can be so attached to their friends they don't want the event to end, and also they genuinely find it hard to empathise with the host mum, who may be in a hurry to be somewhere else, or have a baby to put to bed etc. I try to talk dd through these issues and I think that has helped a lot.

[Caligula]

Last time this happened to me, I said to DD "OK, you want to stay here, ask N's Mummy if you can, if she says yes, Mummy will go home and leave you here to live with N."

Child looked mystified, looked at N's Mummy, and got her coat.

N's Mummy looked a bit startled too, but it was all over very quickly! (The fly in the ointment would come if N's Mummy agreed she could live there - but that's not likely!)

[Rafaella]

My daughter tried this occasionally, usually egged on by the other child. Like a previous poster, I gave her a severe lecture on how rude/embarrassing it is for both parents and told her if it happened again she would not be allowed to go to that person's house again. The next time she was asked to play I reminded her that if she didn't come home cheerfully, that would be it. I would happily have carried out this threat but it wasn't necessary. Now my problem is the children that won't leave my house - though of course I smile sweetly and say it's no problem!!

[aloha]

I have to say, I would take it as quite a compliment if a child didn't want to go home from my house! No need to be embarrassed IMO - it's normal, I think.