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Would court support every other weekend contact with an inconsistent ex?

31 replies

E1932 · Yesterday 16:02

My ex and I have been separated since June 2024. He suggested every other weekend as his contact. Before he left, he worked away sunday evening to Friday morning. I have been the primary caregiver and secure attachment to my 3 year old since birth. Since leaving, he has been incredibly inconsistent. Cancelling multiple times for personal holidays, family visits, work. 5 months after leaving he tells me he has met someone, is moving 50 minutes away from my child (as he doesnt know anyone) and conveniently means hes closer to the new gf. Stating he wants to see child more when his life is more settled in January. This coincides with his move and him stating when he woukd introduce my child. He moved in with this woman and did not tell me. I found out after sending divorce paperwork to the old address. He stated he didnt live there anymore and was moving to a new town 30 minutes away from primary home next week. Had to bave contavt in a temporary housing for the weekend. The whole relationship lasted 11 months. He stated he ended it as child's behaviour not good for our child. 3 months kater, a new woman and child was introriced to my daughter. He did not tell me this was happening. Now less than a year after meeting he has moved in with her. Again, I was not informed. Only told me the address when I asked. In July, he reduced his contact time iver 2 weekend blocks to go away. He saw child for 22 hours within a 6 week period. Told me this was happening. Did not ask. I quietly absorb. 2 weeks later he says he wants more time, I say no as he is not consistent with time he does bave. He tells me he will be seeking a fornal route. I say thats fine. 2 weeks later attended 1st day of pre school but has to ask me what time it starts the nigjt before. 1st day if pre school I am sent a formal letter asking for a significant amount of more time and it says we will go to mediation and court if no agreement can be made. He has moved roughly 6 or 7 times in 27 months. Rushed child into 2 co habitation and different family dynamics in that time. Has cancelled at keast 16 times. Additional mid week comtavt was trialled. I had to stop them because he cancelled so often. I offered 2 additional hours to his weekend at the same time. I have facilitated hokidays, additional time and changed consistently. Proactively tried to arrange meaningful x mas time, birthday time and father's day. He declined additional x mas time. I have had multiple court threats when I set a boundary. I get accusatory messages right before asking for more time and litigation threats. Constantly lectures me about how we need to come parent better. Asked if my 2 year old coukd go ton hokiday gf he has known 4 months that I had never met. I said no. He went anyway and missed contavt time. Blamed me, said I was restrictive and threatened court. I facilitated a hokiday in UK with new gf. Tried to compromise him doing it over his weekend but extend it to keep routine. Said no those are the dates. I had to tell him by the end of the day. This hokiday did not happen as he broke uo with gf. Instead took child to see family in UK. Asked fkr child's passport as were flying down. I gave it to him no problem. He has not asked for a single hokiday block this year before proposing a significant increase in time. I bave asked a solicitor to review evidence, sent my proposal and have asked for a consent order. I bave proposed every ither weekend. Father's day birthday and Christmas Day evening to boxing day contavt and 7 consecutive hokiday block. Bank hokidays if it falls on his weekend. Please let me know your thoughts if this were to go to court, how would cafcass and a judge view this. Is my proposal likely to be agreed with?

OP posts:
EmmaB1309 · Today 12:45

Roosthename · Yesterday 16:05

All the back story is largely irrelevant

It’s not though cos it illustrates how inconsistent he has been. Do you actually know anything about parenting/children?

Ooooookay · Today 12:52

I dont think you are that far away from each other and its probably worth trying to agree something rather than fight out in the courts.

BeWittyRobin · Today 13:23

E1932 · Yesterday 16:16

As the prinary care giver, it is expected that he needs to tell me about house moves for safeguarding reasons as this is where my child is sleeping. CAFCASS also support this. It is highly likely a court would order that any house moves should be information the primay care giver must know

Not necessarily. Like your solicitor has said family court can be very unpredictable. I would say yes you have a strong case BUT the likelihood is that he may be granted most of what he has asked for. Because the court is not about mum and dads contact time but what the child deserves and the child deserves as much time with both mum and dad which includes school holidays.

his past relationships although shows a pattern has nothing to do with you. You do come across as entitled in your post and what you expect to be told and what you haven’t been told. You are not required to meet any partner he may have. You also do not get say how long he has to be in a relationship before he introduces them to your child. That’s his decision

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E1932 · Today 13:32

You're right. Nothing to do with me but everything to do with my child.

OP posts:
Myfridgeiscool · Today 13:35

Dads get what they ask the Court for and are given the opportunity to fail.
Children need one good parent, that’s you.
The bar for parenting is very low so none of his shenanigans with all the other women and kids will matter.
It's a terrible system in my opinion, so many men are absolute shits, put their needs above their children’s and do everything they can to make no financial contribution.

VoiceofInsanity · Today 13:51

Hi, OP, it sounds like a difficult situation. Remember that you don't need to persuade internet strangers that your position is right you need to persuade the judge. And your solicitor's advice about that is much more valuable than the hot take of internet strangers. So take everything said on this thread with a pinch of salt and try not to worry if internet strangers don't see things your way. Good luck.

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