Best age gap between kids? Fertility probs to consider too...

[Mamatastic]

Hiya, I am just wondering what is the best age gap to have between your kids? I have a beautiful little 8 month old boy and TBH I love spending so much time with him that I can't imagine having another one yet. However, we may not ever be able to have another one as DS was born after IVF (after TTC for 5 years) but we do have 7 frozen embryos waiting to be sent to their mummys warm snuggly womb when we choose to do so (not all at once LOL!!!). I am due to go back to work this October and I am starting to think ahead of when we might try to do a frozen embryo transfer (FET). I feel bad already for my work if it works quickly and I go on M/L again (but hey I don't think I'd care about work if I was PG again!), but I also don't want to leave it for too long in case the FET doesn't work and we need to go private to try to have another baby.

Any thoughts? Are small age gaps good or better to have longer ones? Any pros & cons? Thanks for any advice x

I have 19mo between my ds1 and dd and 16mo between dd and ds2. There's just under 3 years between ds1 and ds2 (2yrs and 362 days to be exact).

Pros:
Baby stuff is all out of the way in one go, only ds2 is still in nappies.
They all like doing the same activities so days out are easy.
They're into similar toys.
They get on very well because they are so close in age.
IME, less sibling rivalry in the beginning because they're too young to really understand it.
Younger one is much more independent as it just wants to be doing what the older one is doing.

Cons:
It's very, very hard work in the early days when you have a newborn and a toddler (or 2!).
Having to have a double buggy!
All 3 will be at Uni at the same time - that's mega bucks if fees are still in place.

I love having them close together but I am permanently knackered!

Mama it sounds like you have made your mind up already. You have given lots of good reasons why you shouldn't wait too long, and not that many as to why you should.

I can imagine that it would be knackering with a small age gap, but also in a few years time it would be great because they are so close in age.

Good luck whatever you decide.

I have an 18 month gap. They are 2 and 4 atm. First few weeks are very hard but a huge advantage is dc1 was having a 2 hour afternoon nap and going to bed at 7pm when dc2 was born. I have been TTC dc3 for over a year and I am not looking forward to going back to the tiny baby stage again. I feel that I have got to the stage where I can go out without thinking about naps and I don't have to carry a huge bag etc. I wish I had been able to have dc3 before I started to bask in the relative luxury of semi independent pre schoolers.

I think its very tempting to use the frosties when you know they are there. My ds is a result of fet and i know if we had anymore frozen i would be tempted now. Go with what feels right - yes it would be hard to start but if you have coped with ivf and ttc i have no doubt you would cope with a toddler and baby. Good luck x

I had twin boys with a frozen embryo transfer. When they were 6 months old I fell pregnant naturally (after being told a natural conception was impossible) and had dd 15 months later. I have a friend who had the exact same thing happened,she has a 14 month gap.

I do whinge sometimes, I'd be lying if I said 3 under 18 months was easy but there are benefits. They are quite close(they argue too) but will play for hours together, just make believe. Days out and holidays are easy as they all like the same things.

However I've never done the one to one thing with a baby and I personally feel I've missed out a bit. They too have missed out as have never had the attention kids with a 4 year gap have had.

However there isn't a day goes by that I don't acknowledge how lucky I am, I wouldn't swap it for the world and am constantly aware that it could have been very different.

I know so many IVF friends still battling for number 2. I don't know how old you are or your fertility probs but if it was me I'd throw away the contraception for 6 months see what happens then got on with another FET. It's not ideal to think about it so soon but us ladies on the fertility rollercoaster have never really had much say in when we have our babies have we

Congratulations and good luck!!!!

There's no perfect age gap as they all have pros and cons, and as you know, life doesn't allow you to perfectly plan it anyway.

I've got just over a 3 and a half year gap (not planned that way ... late miscarriage between the 2) and it's great. DD1 is at school, DD2 (now 2) goes to nursery on the days I work, on my days off we have 1:1 time like me and DD1 were able to have. Downside - DD1's games are so much more advanced but DD2 joins in and has fun, and can spot a high school musical song within the first 2 bars!

As someone else has said, every day I think how lucky I am and I enjoy it ... even teh tantrums (DD2) and the door slamming sulking (DD1)!