I feel an awful mother

[Broodymomma]

Sorry for being a moan i just have to get this out!

My son is 15 months old and a long awaited pfb after several cycles of ivf. I absolutely adore him but am finding it so hard to like him at the moment. He was a difficult baby who screamed constantly (so much so my hv said she had never seen a child like it) - we rode it out though and since about 9 months old he has hit, bit, kicked, pulled hair. He is completely unaffectionate and appears not to care less if im around or not. DH will come in from work and ds does not even look at him. He hits anyone he comes into contact with and the bigger he gets the more powerful he becomes.

I have tried everything to make this stop. Everything. Am completely at the end of my tether. I know i cant turn him into a loving child if thats just not who he is but how do i stop the hittting. This is month 6 and i cant take it any more. Someone told me last week he should come with a govornment health warning. I feel likei have failed him and i dont know what to do.

Please help if you can x

like you my boy was long awaited and after 2 mcs i thought that i was the luckiest person in the world to finally have him.

He never slept for more than 2 hours a night, he had colic, screamed all day, croup, screamed all night.
He was agressive, distructive, wild and none of my freinds or family like him (even now he is 5)
I was virtually trapped in my house such was my anxiety about taking him out any where were there were people.
He was not in the least bit bothered about if i was around or not, he still is not cuddly or kissy. Was thinking that he had some kind of syndrome!

Ok, it occured to me eventually that i was a million miles from "myself" and that i had been since before i had him.
Went to the Drs, ds was nearly 3 by this time.
Got ads, within 4 weeks i felt myself again, and it was like a cloud had lifted and i found that i was able to think much clearer, cope with behaviour problems 100% better, and i was able to smile and laugh with my boy.
i read up a couple of parenting books and posted each behaviour problem on here and tackled them one by one.
Now at nearly 5, he is the same kid, but i am better.He responds well to structure and routine and this includes punishment.
I think that i can relate to your post because i feel like i have been where you are now, might be wrong though, tell me if i am.

Please arrange an appointment with your health visitor and see whether she thinks it is normal toddler behaviour or whether there is an underlying medical problem.

Take care. x

Thanks so much for your responses.

Deanychip you sound so like me thank god i found you i know its not just me.

Like you i was put on anti d's when ds was 5 months old. He had literally screamed solid for 5 months and i just coulnd'nt cope anymore. Ww took him to a cranial osteopath and even that did not really help. I feel trapped also and we dont go to any baby groups or soft plays anymore as he hits ever child he comes into contact with. He even hits himself.

Anyway we have made an app with the docotor for thursday for him as its just gone on too long. We need some help. I have tried talking to the hv but my old one has left who knew him and the rest just tell me its a phase.

I feel in my heart there is something not right - just needed a vent last night.

Thanks again xxx

thats ok.
I do understand what you are saying.
If you feel in your gut that there is something not right then keep on for your boy.

At bed time, we have a routine. We read 2 books and then we chat about his day.
I think of 5 positive things that he has done in the day.
this could be a simple as he put on his shoe when i asked him.
we go through from morning till bed time and talk about what we thought and how happy we were when xx happend.

This was my 1st step at positive reinforcement and we do this every night. takes 5 mins thats all.

At first i couldnt think of 1 single good thing but now they just pour out, even if its been a very bad day behaviour wise.

We do allot together, park (remember how you laughed your head off when i pushed you high up on that swing!!)
Walk round the block (remember that magic stone you found outside that ladies house, you looked after it so well all the way home)
Library (have you ever seen so many lovely books in all your life!?)
See what i mean?

small steps.

I had difficulty liking my son on lots of days. Play school helped him and me tons.
Funnily they claimed to never have any problem with him and he learned many social skills. He started when he was 2.
Do you have any family that could take him to the park for you for an hour, to give you a breather? Outside help should not be under emphasised.