Would you take in a lodger just after having your 1st DC if it meant DP could then give up his job?

[cheerfulvicky]

Hiya,

I'd really appreciate some perspective on this from parents who know what life is like with a new baby, especially your first! This might be a bit long so apologies and I'll TRY and keep to the point...

Basically, DP and I are expecting our 1st baby in August. We're currently thinking of ways that DP could work less hours or even leave his job altogether so he can be with the baby and have also more free time in general. He is the sole breadwinner, loathes his job and it makes him very stressed. He cannot go part time at his company, so if he wanted to work less (rather than not at all) he'd have to find another job, which is hard in Cornwall where unemployment is huge and jobs scarce.

Because we live in a college town, it would be very easy to rent out one of the rooms in the house to a uni student and live off that, plus some child tax credits. We don't pay rent as DP owns the house and has almost finished paying off the mortgage.

The thing is, because of term times etc, the student lodger would be here just around the time the new baby arrived, and I don't know how I'd feel about sharing my living space during such a huge transition. I've suffered a bit from ante-natal depression while pregnant, and I suppose I'm wary of our relationship being already strained by the arrival of a new baby and a possibly hormonal me, and then the lodger being here sort of tipping things over the edge.

Is it worth sacrificing a bit of privacy for the luxury of DP being able to give up a job he's worked in for 25 years and now really hates? He's very keen to do this and I support him fully, but I want to be careful also and look after our relationship, which has had a bad patch about 6 months ago. How sensible is it to attempt to do this just around the time we are having our first child? I can't imagine what it will be like, so I really don't know if I'm worrying unnecessarily... Argh.

Sorry, I've totally rambled on now. Any advice welcomed! Thank you

Actually, Abitconcerned, the amount of child tax credit we would be entitled to is not very different if DP is working full time, part time or not at all. DP is on a sufficiently low wage that we are entitled to that particular benefit (and child benefit obviously, which isn't means tested) and we aren't playing the system as you seem to feel.
The thing I'm driving at is about whether we can live reasonably well on a certain (low) income, can be content with less. Perhaps not everyone would want to live in that way, but being able to live on a little doesn't mean one is automatically a benefit scrounger, surely?

And also of course I'm still curious to hear from those people who can tell me about the first weeks of their PFB's life, and if sharing a house is a good idea at that time

windy v helpful post, thanks! x posted with you

I think you are fairly unlikely to get a student lodger when you will have a newborn in the house; if you have a quiet studious one they will get pissed off at the baby crying etc when they are trying to sleep/study. If you have a party animal you will get pissed off at them coming in at all hours, bringing friends back, making a noise.

Also it's hardly guaranteed income, and rental income may affect tax credits depending how much you are receiving - if it's not enough to affect tax credit claims it's unlikely to be enough to raise a family on.

cv what you are proposing is that you have four people in various stages of life.

1. a new baby
2. a new mother
3. a new father / someone giving up work
4. a new resident of house

i predict CATASTROPHE. well i can't see how it could go well anyway. sorry.

I think it would be incredibly difficult - especially a student who might be at home in the day when you need privacy and quiet to establish BF, have post-natal checks, general bleed and ooze all over the place.

I have never had a stranger in the house but even family/friends felt like a huge strain at that time. I remember going up to my bedroom when we had 3 friends over one evening and DS would just not stop crying (he was about 6 weeks at the time) and just sobbing "I want them to GO HOME!!!" into the pillow.

It's hard sharing your house with a stranger, especially for the first time.

It's hard having a newborn, especially for the first time.

Coping with the two together would (IMO) be recipe for potential disaster and PND!

Also you would be sacrificing relative financial security for very deep insecurity - if your lodger can't cope with the crying etc, or you can't cope with their presence, you would be completely without income at a very vulnerable time.

Would it be a better idea for your DP to request a sabbatical, spend 6 months at home living off your savings, and then use the time to reassess/apply for jobs he enjoys more?

At the end of the day, if he wants any kind of life/retirement he will have to have another job at some point, he might as well tackle the problem now while he is still young and employable.

I think you should stick at it (ie. dh continues with job - looks around for something more congenial by all means, but doesn't just jack it all in).

Maybe review in 12 months (so next academic year), which at least means dh can keep telling himself it's only for that much longer.

You should consider that students aren't necessarily great with money or house-sharing. What if you have to chuck the lodger out for non-payment or just being a PITA? Could you manage without that rent money coming in for possibly several months?

oh. new word just for your situation.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO having family for a weekend is bad enough. I would never in a million years have a lodger.

No Way. Sounds like a disaster in the making.

Why can't your DH just look for a different job that he'll enjoy more?

I would prefer not to share with another, as I liked to not bother getting dressed/washed some days, liked being naked, staying in bed, not washing up etc. I would not feel comfortable being like this with another person in the house sharing our space.

And, sometimes DH and I argued as fatigue and new parent stress kicked in, not always, not often, but it did, and still does happen. Most of the arguments were completely irrational, fueled by tiredness and I would hate to have anyone else witness these fraught moments.

It does sound like you're taking the piss tbh and the difference is if your DH is working then he is paying tax and NI, if he isn't then he wouldn't be.

Thanks guys, definite theme emerging here I think I really appreciate the input, reading thread to DP now...

Babies tend to wake up alot in the night and you may feel uncomfortable disturbing the lodger.

A student may invite other people into your home who may place your child at risk, drunkeness, abuse etc.. you just don't know, they might pose a risk in themselves.

(Sorry not nice, but I used to work in Social Services so harsh reality)

Your husband is 48, hardly the time of life to accept a student plus he is already stressed.

You have to earn less than £16K to get working tax credit. We get £27 TC per week on £19K and no working tax credit.

we have a student lodger who goes 'home' at weekends, this suits us & we don't see her really, babes often asleep for eight but wakes early so this wakes us all but not for long!

I have some strict house rules though, as everyone needs to be respectful..

Abitconcerned, your rather judgemental!

Incidentally I found having newborns to be a doddle - for me it's about a billion times less tiring than pregnancy!

But even so you are likely to have a few snarly rows with dh. Is he likely to be a properly hands on dad?

Especially if this is his first child, & he's an older dad, he may think the child care is largely your thing & you may find yourself resenting that if he's about the house constantly. Or equally he might be Superdad & leave you feeling redundant!

A had a lodger before a baby....NEVER AGAIN!

Could DP not get a part time evening job that he enjoys - even working in a supermarket has perks and a social aspect, he could do a few evenings to earn the same as potential rental income, still be home all day and get WFTC if he works over 16 hours - you will probably be better off financially and emotionally. Work to live, not live to work, hey?

We live on a very low income, without a mortgage/rent and, yes, it can be frustrating not having luxuries but to be honest we're happy for the moment.

You wanted to know about life with a newborn....ok, I remember being ready to go out and shout at the Ice Cream van man because he unerringly had a talent for arriving (with tinkly music blaring...)JUST as I put dd down for a nap.....I can't imagine how uncomfortable i would have made life for a student who may make some NOISE!!!