i didn't expect to be....

[trishpops]

i'm ashamed to say it but i didn't expect to become a bit (whispering) bored and lonely at home with a new baby. dd is only 6 weeks, i love her to death, but some days i'm a strange combination of shattered yet bored. Dp works a lot, most of my friends don't have kids. i can't drive and i'm BF so i feel a bit tied to the house as i don't feel brave enough to get on the bus with her yet (worried about safety and being able to manage on my own) i can walk into town and do this regularly but i just feel a bit isolated. also some of my friends attitude to bfing makes me self concious so i end up sort of avoiding them whilst i'm still getting the hang of it.
it's not depressing me, just didn't really expect it but surely i'm not alone?

I felt exactly the same at your stage (I was glued to Mumsnet in fact!). I think it gets easier as your confidence grows and you feel more able to manage outings.

Have you thought about asking your HV about local parent groups, BFing cafes or something? Even in our very rural area there's a new mums group, a couple of parent and child groups, a baby massage class and rhymetime at the library (I've seen babies younger than yours there - it's as much a social for the parents!).

I'd also recommend you brave a bus trip, because it will be much easier once you've got the first one out of the way.

I think meeting other mums is really important. I met a couple of good friends via massage classes and we tend to get together for coffee at our houses once in a while. But regardless, it will get easier in time - you're still going through the adjustment process just now, and it's really tough. Give yourself loads of time and don't put pressure on yourself - it honestly does ease up as the tough first months pass.

you're not alone. I can remember wandering around shops with dd at that age and feeling so lonely - even in the most crowded places. I found the newborn stage boring and incredibly tiring - but I was lucky that I had a group of girls I met up with every week and that kept me sane.
Are there any baby groups near you that you could walk to? Have you got a decent HV who can suggest places to meet other mums (hopefully with no bf issues!)?
Oh - and it gets much less boring very quickly!!

i've got the list of baby groups etc that my hv gave me....but i don't want to go to them, i want to get glammed up and go for lunch with my mates and drink rose!!
truthfully though, i'm a bit nervous about going to one alone. i will but not just yet, i'm nervous about having to feed her, i get very tense about bf ing in public and although she will take EBM from a botlle she won't take a proper feed so is hungry again within an hour, and wants to breastfeed. and i want to breastfeed her too, in comfort and peace wheich just doesn't happen yet when i'm on the move. usually i'm very happy with our lifestyle. it's just the odd day like today which i feel a bit glum on cos it's saturday, all my friends are at glasto, my dp is working and i want some adult company!

My LO is 7 weeks on Monday and I know exactly how you feel!
We got a proper pram, which I daren't try to get on the easy access bus in case there isn't room and it won't fit in MIL or SIL's small cars, though thankfully we can get it in our car, so I can go places. I had a CS as well, so couldn't even walk very far for long.
I know what you mean about being nervous about going to all the groups. I've only been to baby clinic so far, but my SIL has a LO too, so I'll only have the breastfeeding ones to go to by myself as she is ff. She is the only person I'm friendly with who has a baby, - none of my friends, of whatever age, have kids.
Honestly, I found feeding in public not so embarrassing once I'd done it once, though I have always been with DH or Mum when I've done it. So that's the next step for me!
It's the not being able to leave him, as we're breastfeeding, that makes it so isolating at the moment. I don't want to drink especially, but it would be nice to go to the pub quiz, or see a band play. But it's only for a few months and then he can have a cup and a babysitter.
Don't feel lonely, that's what Mumsnet is for!

xx

I still feel like that when it is sunny - I want to sit outside and drink cold white wine!

The bf will get easier - I'm no expert but have watched my friends bf without a 2nd thought in public - so there will come a time when you and your dd will get out and about more.

I used to get that Friday feeling even when I was on maternity leave and it was so frustrating because I was stuck at home feeling glum - just like you are now. So - forget that it's Saturday and just cosy down with your dd, a good book - or go rent a dvd and buy something nice for your tea!

OOOh - are you me? I was exactly like this first time around but once I bit the bullet (at about 9 weeks when a friend dragged me to starbucks) I was fine. I even breastfed ds there and no one batted an eyelid. Then I spent practically the rest of my maternity leave in starbucks but thats another story.

Walking into those groups for the first time is really hard - but you immediately have something in common - the babies! And you can talk about the babies if you cant think of anything else to say. How about trying to find one which is more focused rather than just coffee so there is something to "do" rather than having to chat and then move on from there...

Alternatively why not find somewhere friendly to go and go for coffee/pizza etc with your friends and baby. Once they get a little bit older they might start having more specific nap times so you have an idea of when they might be asleep. Also ask to sit somewhere more private - in a corner so you can face the wall so you can feed more confidently (not saying for a second you should have to do this but if it makes you more comfy...)

Finally what about going to a breastfeeding support group? Ask your health visitor if there is a local one of look up the association of breastfeeding mothers website to see if they have one meeting up. Then you get to meet other mums and no one is going to look at you odd for breastfeeding!

xxx

It gets better, it gets better, it gets better!!!

Toddlers are more fun and school age children bring their own friends home, which livens up the house (smiling fondly at the memory of 11 little boys having a water pistol fight in our back garden at the weekend- not dull at all!). And as a parent, you are better placed to make new friends than at any other period in your life. It just takes a bit of time to get going.

I would give that toddler group a go. You never know, you may find the other Mums are dying for a night out too. I know our local NCT group does very good evenings out. Worth getting to know them now- in a few months time your lo won't need you every waking moment of the day and you will be free to go.

And it will be the best place to start practising breastfeeding in public, because everybody will be doing it too.