Should I limit my children's time with their unreliable grandmother?

[Curlyfifteen]

I don't know where to start.

I have two girls age 7 and 3. They adore their grandmother aged 72, she plays with them (on a good day) and spoils them with toys.

But. She is also a carer for my adult sister with a mental age of 2. And she also frequently breaks promises, screams in anger and talks adult talk in front of them, she sleeps during the day and awake most of the night. I know she is tired and exhausted from looking after my sister.

My girls want to spend time with her but I feel that when we try she is unavailable, sleeping, angry, making plans/promises she can't keep. And so I feel a pull to keep them away from her.

I don't know what to do or feel. I know her life is hard. I don't know.

PS - I just brought them to visit with her and she is totally unavailable and angry. I left with a sad 7yo telling her Granny is unwell and we must go home so she can rest which isn't exactly true. We had stayed over the night and she saw them only a few hours because she slept the whole of the following day.

There is also the added issue that mum lives on the same road as my Gran and aunt somewhat supporting them too with things like paperwork and driving them places.

if my sister is not with her she may be forced to move from her council house to a smaller one.

and she probably will loose the motability car she has for my sister.

Christ, 72 and a full time carer to an adult daughter! She must be knackered.

You’re right OP. It’s a no-win situation all round. I think you have to try to accept her limitations and that she can’t be a hands on granny very often despite her obvious good intentions.

I know you feel sad that your children don’t have a normal grandparent relationship but I think she probably feels very sad about that too.

Sometimes we simply have to accept the things we cannot change.