Is it my fault if my children are difficult to parent?

[Joanna1978]

my children are both really bright and do well at school. But their headmistress is so trigger happy, about blaming my husband and I if they are ever 'unregulated' (what does that mean anyway?!) or if my daughter gets upset bc she's not finished an exercise in time... she's the youngest of 30 and a perfectionist!) I am fed up of being blamed for everything and for things that I think are normal for children...
shes so quick to judge but the headmistress never admits if a teacher has made a mistake or that kids have left, bc of bullying or whatever.

What do you mean she blames you for your kids being unregulated?!
(does she mean deregulated? Or unruly?)

how old are your kids and what sort of school
is this
and where?

So much more info needed! Age of kids, specific example of something the head has raised.

But sometimes schools are telling you some important info, sometimes schools are covering up school issues.

These sound very unusual conversations.

Does she mean dysregulated, do you think?

If school are regularly telling you that your children are upset and dysregulated in school, and that your experience of them is that they’re hard to parent.

It is possible that school are trying to hint at an underlying neurodiversity rather than criticising your parenting. I’d try asking outright “Do you suspect neurodiversity?” next time they call you. They aren’t allowed to diagnose so often won’t discuss it with you unless you ask.