Would it be reasonable to cut back grandparents' weekly childcare visits?

[Bobbieiris]

This post is going to make me sound very ungrateful! LO has started nursery a couple of times a week which she loves. PILs look after her once a week and will stay over the night before. They are lovely. Always stay late, do the evening meal and washing up, help with cleaning up etc. But here's the thing....im missing my own space! LO loves nursery and we've said to PIL that we could put her in for the day they usually care for her. They have said no as they love having their special day with her. Now I know that is lovely but im finding myself getting a bit short and grumpy for little things...Kids TV on early in the morning which she doesn't need. Just settling down with a book and they arrive early unannounced. Get home and they haven't got her up from her nap and she's done a poo but nappy not changed as they dont want to wake her. Nothing awful but I think im just wanting my own space back now. I know this makes me sound like a total cow but oh how I love my own space! Anyone here who would feel the same or should I suck it up and enjoy it? They are lovely but it's a full day and a half and im wondering if maybe a weekly visit of a few hours instead would be reasonable?

Can you lo go to their house?

@Sneezetheday well we could but they are an hours drive away and DH takes car to work

"Would it be unreasonable to not have GDPs stay overnight every week l?" No.

Absolutely understand the desire to have your own space! Any way you can do an exercise class or date night and the evening they are there?

@Sneezetheday I have been thinking of going back ro the gym, so maybe an exercise class is a good idea.

@MinnieMountain it does seem like a lot now a night a week!

I think it would be a real shame to end the arrangement when your dd and PIL clearly get so much out of it. Obviously they’re not doing things how you’d like them, that’s really frustrating and only you/DH can judge how you could make a request for no tv, poo nappies to be changed asap (though surely if she pooed in her sleep or just before sleep- no one would have known?)

have the evening to yourself though, or go on a date with DH? Whatever works for everyone.

So do they arrive the night before and then they have dd the next day? Could they arrive in the morning and then put her to bed and stay that evening? Gauruntee they won’t leave her to nap if they are doing bedtime!

@Excited101 you're right it would be a shame. I dont know what it is with MILs....she's nice but can just be a bit much at times but it's a nice thing for them to do and won't last forever. Ive needed amotivation to get back to the gym! The poo they were aware of but didnt want to get her up...not a huge deal just a little annoying as just getting over a bad case of nappy rash.
@Sneezetheday I like that idea! However their time keeping isn't great so DD would be in bed by 10 if it were up to them lol

how often would you let them see her if she was in nursery on their current day? does she have any thoughts or is it all your choice because you're Mom?

Could they pick her up and drop her off and have her at their house overnight? Seems a bit mean to stop it.

I'd just be so grateful to have amazing grandparents, and want to do all I can to further her relationship with them. For most of us, money would be an issue, as down the line they might provide free childcare when nursery won't, but even if I was rich enough not to care about that, I would risk souring relationships. I f I wanted my own space I'd have stayed single and childless.

I think you can be a bit stricter about nap time and explain it’s to fit in with nursery. And nappies and tv explaining it’s for their wellbeing. DH can communicate this.
i wouldn’t stop this for now, but I’d use the chance to do a yoga class or go for swim and sauna while they’re in the house (if they don’t mind)

How old is your LO? Particularly if she goes to a pre school later on, this arrangement will not last for long anyway and having grandparents who are usefully involved (know which is the essential toy to go to bed with etc) is not to be underestimated….

Leaving her sitting in poo is gross.
Complaining that your free childcare interrupting your reading time is a bit much though! Are you not working?

@thisismeithinkorisit they can see her as much as they want but it's just a lot to wake up to them and come home from work to them and all evening before too...I dont know if it's normal to feel that's a lot but to me it can be at times.
@StressedOutPeanut I know i was thinking it would be a bit mean to stop it so maybe could consider that
@Pistachiocake @Unexpectedlysinglemum maybe I should keep it for now. I am very lucky I know but it's just the timings maybe...first thing in the morning and after work im so tired and just want to relax a bit.
@ShrinkyDinkyPetal I'm not complaining about that. It was my LOs nap time and I finally had 10 minutes to myself when they arrived early...so no more 10 minute break.
@khaa2091 you are right it is very useful and she will be at pre school in a year so not long.
I know this all sounds ungrateful and a bit mean. They are very nice but it can be a lot at times whereas nursery they are with other kids and it's just pick up and go at the end of the day. Awful to say I know but wondered if a few hours a week going to the park etc might be easier now she is older??

Can he get there some other way, eg train or lift from a colleague, for just this day each week? It would give you more independence and allow you to take charge of travel

I’d suck it up. It’s not forever.

I am so very glad I gave my mum every opportunity to spend time with my ds2.
Yes of course sometimes I was so frustrated with her i could have screamed! But my ds still remembers her so fondly (she died when he was 3) and I have all those memories of how happy she was taking care of him.

YABU. It’s sad to stop that special time for your child and grandparents just because of yourself. It’s only 1 night. Be firmer with them if necessary eg no tv in the morning, cut off time for nap, dirty nappies changed quicker. And firmer on when they can arrive. But you are going to get a big pile on from parents who’d love grandparents to help and dont have that. Just go and read in your room and let your partner sort them out.

So was this arrangement to facilitate you working or was it mainly for the grandparents to see your child?

@SonaliS ahh im so glad it isn't just me...I love my PILs but sometimes you just can't help getting a bit frustrated 😅 as awful as that sounds!
@ginasevern it was to facilitate me returning to work and luckily myself and DH have worked shifts around childcare but we decided to send LO to nursery at 2 as felt it would be good for her.
@Peonies12 I am being unreasonable really, I just find myself being a bit short tempered and snappy at the end of the day which is bad but guess it's just tiredness after a long work day. LO is lucky to have the time with them, I just crave my own space at the end of the work day!
I think for now the arrangement works and not long until she is at pre school so I will just have to try be a bit better tempered lol