Biting, kicking, hitting stage - is this just a phase?

[Biosblbay]

My son is 4 in September, we have also started the referral as we feel he is potentially on the spectrum, unsure if it is adhd or autism, but he does really struggle with his emotions and the pre school has picked up on this.

the past week or so his behaviour has become horrendous. He gets very easily frustrated and it has become a huge tantrum which involves kicking, hitting, biting (and that includes doing it to us as well as himself), he also throws toys.

Is this a normal reaction for his age when getting upset or angry and just a phase, or is this something that could be related to being on the spectrum or have I just failed as a parent? :(
he is so polite and loving, he does the sweetest things 9 times out of 10, but these tantrums do happen daily, for about 10/15 minutes and can be BIG tantrums!

Honestly nobody here will know for sure. My DS is ND and never behaved like that but it’s meaningless isn’t it?

I would advise consistently making consequences for unwanted behaviour and see what arises from his assessment. Good luck.

DS was the same and it was horrendous. Now he is 5 he has got better at regulating so he will strop but won't try and physically hurt us. Got better from around 4 and a half. Consequences just seemed to hype him up but I did loads of talking afterwards about how he could really hurt us and we might have to go to hospital etc. I honestly tried everything and really lost my temper with him a few times which I'm not proud of. I still wonder if he could be on the spectrum but he has never had issues at school. But it has got better as he's got more mature.

That sounds really tough, but please don’t blame yourself. At this age, big emotions can come out as hitting or biting because they haven’t learnt how to manage them yet. Keep setting calm boundaries and helping him name his feelings. The fact that he’s loving and affectionate most of the time is encouraging.

Mine had brief phases of this and we just came down on it really hard. Instant time outs. Don’t say anything just calmly pick them up and take them to their room. He didn’t have autism though.

It might be worth checking to see if he has an ear infection as they can often not show up in obvious symptoms but hurt a lot and that can push behaviours like this

@SeaToSki would have never of even thought this would be a thing but my son has issues with his ears! It’s hereditary from Dads side. I will get this checked just in case!

@Allswellthatendswelll@Wajeehakamran@Threetyy thank you for the reassurance. It’s nice to know its not just me being a bad parent, which I know I am not at all, I am a good Mum and try my hardest, I just didn’t know if I was getting something wrong. Last night I put him straight to bed, no tv, no milk which he loves before bed and he went to sleep fairly quickly. But it is daily and during the holidays while I am working full time from home with a 13 month old gets exhausting and I get really emotional that I am totally getting parenting wrong!!

I have a 4 year old boy and also have 2 nephews that I regularly looked after at 4 and I’ve never seen any of the behaviours you were describing there. My oldest nephew was quite heavy on tantrums but he had mostly grown out of it by 4

My 2.5 year old is like this. It’s exhausting. I have no suggestions but I was very much hoping he’d have grown out of it by 4 🤪😩