Advice from parents of 2+ boys or sibling who fight a lot

[TikkaJam]

I have been dealing with complex health issues for 4 years now, it has caused a lot of strain in our family, for various reasons and my kids 5 and 6 year old boys seem quite “unruly” to me. One is ASD, now don’t get me wrong there are lots of things that are really good about them, they are adventurous, outspoken, confident, strong willed, but the way they fight has me really worried. It’s constant, all day, turns into screaming and physical fights. We obviously intervene, remove them from the situation, regulate them, talk about what is and isn’t acceptable, try to understand the situation without taking sides, place consequences where necessary, but it doesn’t seem to be getting better. There are times where holding the boundary or consequence has slipped because I’m sick and on my own or haven’t briefed my husband so they are getting mixed messages but I honestly don’t know how to redeem this situation. Any tips? Please be kind, as mum, I have struggled deeply with guilt that my sickness is impacting everyone so heavily

I have a 12 and 8 year old that fight all day long, they are boy and girl, people say it gets better with age but it hasn’t. I’d say it’s worse now.

A few things: more supervision and consistency. I also have several chronic illnesses, including incurable cancer, so I do get how rough some days can be. Your dh needs to take over when he’s home to give you time to rest so you can function when you need to solo parent. Dh takes ours out on the weekends so I can sleep as needed.

Find a way to buy in help during the holidays so they aren’t just running around in chaos all day. Holiday clubs or play dates with friends or a visit to a grandparent but individually.

Divide and conquer. You each take one for the day. I also take mine away on holiday solo too. It makes for a nice change and we actually get to spend time together. I’m not always refereeing. If nothing else, Dh takes one and you take the other for a day out at least once a week.

I have 3 DS’s - 22, 18 & 14y. When growing up they fought constantly the middle and youngest the most.

Until the last 12 months the middle and youngest I thought would never get along, but fingers crossed they do seem to get along brilliantly now.

Dont get me wrong they are rowdy and boisterous with each other but not crossing boundaries with each other now it all seems in good spirits.

Im one of 3 girls I do remember we didn’t get on as children and fought, after our teenage years myself and eldest sister became good friends. Granted myself and youngest sister do not get on but we don’t fight we’re both adults so we only spend as much time together as we can each tolerate.

It just takes time, growing with siblings is character building even if it’s turning you grey watching the shenanigans.