Feeling hopeless

[Em1988x]

Wasn’t sure where to post this. My kids and I had the holiday from Hell. We are 14 months in since split with their dad and I tried to give them an amazing holiday in Greece to show we can do this just the 3 of us. Day 2 of holiday we went to water park and I always join in with my kids. Went down the slide and came off the inflatable (some sort of malfunction) and ended up knocking my head and breaking my tibia shaft. My children had to spend 2 days in a Greek hospital with me on a bed next to me, and 1 of those days with my youngest throwing up all day and me in the bed next to her, helpless, unable to move. Barely given food, managed to get some for them from the clinic. Their dad flew out the Monday morning and got them (the accident happened the Saturday) and they flew back home Monday evening. I was eventually brought back to uk by a nurse sent out by insurance company on the Wednesday afternoon and straight into hospital Wednesday evening from ambunalnce and into surgery following morning. I have today come home and wow the pain, and barely being able to get about and do stuff for my kids is unbearable. I had surgery with intramedully nail so I have no cast and a metal rod inside my leg so have to start weight bearing and regaining strength. I can get over this part. What I am struggling most with is the fact that I gave my kids the worst holiday possible, probably traumatised them beyond words with what they’ve had to cope with, summer hols are ruined and the London concert to katseye that my daughter has been looking forward to in Sep i potentially can’t take her and the holiday we had booked for October we can’t go on. I feel like I’ve ruined their year and all the special memories we were going to make. The guilt is unreal. I really thought I could take them away and we have an amazing time and they could be like, yes we did that with our mum, everything will be fine. Feeling sorry for myself and I get that everyone has problems 😔

Oh mate that is such bad luck. It’s just an accident though it’s no reflection on your ability to have a good holiday with them another time. Look after yourself for a few days as much as you can, rest and recover from the shock a bit, treat yourself any way you can, it sounds like a horrible ordeal. Hopefully when you feel in less pain you can make a plan for example can your daughter go to the concert with a relative? Can you plan something nice for you 3 to do at Christmas? It’s rubbish that this has happened but everyone is human and your kids will understand later if they don’t now. Best of luck for a speedy recovery.

I am more worried about you to be honest. It sounds like a very painful and unpleasant experience. I hope you are looking after yourself and getting help. Piling guilt on top of your very real injuries is too harsh for words. There'll be many more opportunities to make happy memories. All the best for your recovery.

That’s really unfortunate, and oh my god it sounds immensely painful. You must feel like crap.

A few summers ago, I had a bad fall two days before our family hiking holiday and was so badly injured I was housebound for 6 weeks and on crutches/unable to drive for 3 months. I’m not divorced but it was an absolute nightmare. I think I cried every day for about two months. I felt dreadful about disappointing the kids. And it was surprisingly emotionally disturbing being unable to walk (I was on a zimmer for a while).

Guess what, the kids have gotten over it. At first teen dd was very upset about it/with me. But a few years later they only rarely reference the “fact” that I’m clumsy and a bit of a liability!

And I have bounced back… there was so much physio. Make sure you talk to your kids about how the physio is building you back, little by little. It’s a good learning journey for them.

You’ll have better times ahead. I just completed a fortnight’s active holiday where we averaged 15,000 steps a day and I feel I have redeemed myself!

Wishing you a complete and speedy recovery - do the physio, push yourself, you’ll feel like a hero when you get through this.

I work on an ortho ward so I really feel for you, that kind of injury is so painful.. but it was an unfortunate event that you had no control over so please please don’t feel so guilty; you have years ahead of you to go to concerts and on holidays with your kids.. please try to focus on your recovery and just taking one day at a time for now - it is hard and it may seem never ending but next year it will be a distant memory. x

Please stop feeling guilty - you had an accident, it's not your fault and you have nothing to feel guilty about! It was a horrible experience for you all but your kids will get over it and be fine. Don't waste energy worrying about things you have no control over - concentrate on your recovery and physio. Rope in as much help as you can from friends and family. Depending on the age of your kids, this might be a good time to encourage some independence skills and get them helping with chores, which will stand them in good stead for the future! Praise their independence and maturity and tell them how proud of them you are.

You will all get through this difficult time and they will be fine 💐

You had an accident, you don't need to feel guilty you've done nothing wrong ❤️ please try to be kind to yourself. They will understand in time if they don't now.

God you poor thing

Rest up and get better soon

💐

Oh you poor thing. It’s all terribly disappointing, but shitty luck hits all of us eventually, and your kids were going to learn that at some stage, like all kids do. You sound like a wonderful mum and I’m sure their childhood will be full of wonderful memories they associate with you. You’ve got some less than wonderful months ahead of you by the sound of it, but eventually you’ll make it up to them. Can someone else take your daughter to Katseye? No doubt she’ll be sad not to be going with you, but she must be over the moon that she gets to go.

Oh op. That sounds traumatic for you, and not easy for your children. But nothing you can do and the most important thing is going to be how you deal with it. The children will learn a lot from the experience about how people can deal with adversity and get through in one piece. As someone wise once said ‘don’t curse your children with an easy life’. Yes it’s all difficult but you’ll all come out the other end and that’s really important to experience - probably more so than your intended ‘mum and us can still have fun’. I really hope you start feeling much better soon.

Thank you all so much for your kind words and advice. The pain is definitely next level and I honestly dread having to get up and go to the toilet. I thankfully have my mum that has helped out a lot and stayed with us last night but tonight will be me and the kids. Praying for quick recovery and give them a brilliant holiday next year. I contacted the o2 and hoped they’d be little more helpful with the tickets and seating but it’s one of those where they decide on the day if they have space in the disabled area. We are lower floor however so could possibly manage with a wheelchair but with it just being the two of us and no one to push me, it would be difficult 😞

Why do you feel guilty? Why are you listing one bad thing after another that you have supposedly done to them?

You had an accident - YOU have done nothing.

It's just bad luck. It's not down to you.

I guess constant mum guilt from not being able to give them the holiday they needed. 😞

Be sad that the holiday could not happen - but not guilty. How is it your fault? .... it isn't!

Tell them - say "I am really sad our holiday got wrecked, but these things happen. Life throws a few bad things at you sometimes and we have to be brave and get on with it. . But we will organise another holiday at a another time I am sure."

Do not apologise, but help them, to understand life's realities. It is a lesson for them and how you handle it will make all the difference.

I am hoping that your leg is improving now.