21 month old bad behaviour hitting and shoving

[Ais90]

Help! My 21 month old baby boy is hitting other kids. At play dates and daycare. He’s shoving them out of the way too to play with toys and throwing toys at them. Is this just a phase? He also says sorry afterwards. I’m now wondering does he know what he doing or is he not truly understanding sorry. We have redirected and correct and continue to do so. Have tried time outs. It seems it go in one ear and out the other. I do realise he’s only 1 (but nearly 2). Please help. I’m distressed

Where are you when he is doing this?

At playdates obviously.

Time outs are rubbish - generally, and specifically for a not-yet-two year old.

No, of course he’s not sorry, he’s too little.

When he looks like he’s getting upset / aggressive / about to hit, you move in, say no, remove him. Each time, and he’ll learn.

No need for any punishments, just constant reinforcement of good behaviour, removal for aggression or hurting.

He’s too little at the moment and will grow out of it. Maybe reduce the play dates for now to people you know well who won’t mind so much

He is very little. You do need to be right next to him to guide his hands and stop any pushing or throwing. Day care staff should be doing similar. He won't have the vocabulary or processing skills yet to understand not to push or throw. Distraction and gently holding his hands, moving him away is age appropriate.

Thank you all for prompt replies. Been so worried. Day care and also around cousins. He’s 2 in October. His speech and understanding are good. Usually it’s out of excitement rather than frustration but can be both

It sounds as if you need to do some reading about child development. The books I had are probably out of print now but you can probably get some good recommendations on here.

What makes you say I need to do some reading about child development?

You seem to be expecting a level of understanding and processing beyond the chronological age of the child, closer to what would be expected from a 3 year old. You say that his speech and understanding are good. However, at this age, speech can be good, but real understanding comes later. Pps have also pointed this out, for example timeouts really don't work for this age and this behaviour. You say he says sorry, but he is too little to really grasp this concept beyond learning that this is what you want him to say, he doesn't really know what "sorry" means. He isn't old enough to have empathy.

Thank you. I’ve ordered a couple of books there from Amazon