2.5yr old is FIGHTING bedtime - what needs to change?! Help!!!

[Freddie15VES]

Please help me decipher WHAT I AM DOING WRONG because bedtimes are just about breaking me at the moment!!!

Single mum here. so I have a 2.5yr old and a 5 year old. The 2.5yr old was breastfed and we coslept until the bf stopped a couple of months ago. She was in her room, would have a cuddle to go to sleep. Nothing more. I didn’t mind her in my bed, she just seemed fine in hers!

fast forward to the last few weeks and beditme
is a battle. I get screamed at, hit, like she is emotionally exhausted and I don’t know whether I just really need to change something. It’s taking me about an hour to get her to sleep. She still naps so her rough routine is this - wake around 7am, nap around 12/12:30pm for up to 1.5hours MAX then she’s asleep for about 8/8:30pm with the screaming. But she just seems knackered, the crying doesn’t feel like a protest to bedtime it’s like she’s just mentally wiped

please throw some suggestions at me. Has anyone experienced this? We try to have a wind down but with a 5 year old in the mix, it’s tough. Do I need to start bedtimes at different times? Wind down earlier for her? Away from the distraction of her fun big bro?!

when she stays at her dads they do share a room/sometimes share a bed. Is she possibly just becoming used to being with someone and should I just have her in with me from the beginning of bedtime?! As everyone says ‘it’s not forever’ and will it just ease her possible anxiety?

I can’t take the night time battles anymore 😵 I used to enjoy doing bedtime!

At 2.5yo some kids start dropping their nap, or at least shortening it to 45 mins. I would give that a try.

Definitely shorten the nap, or just accept 8.30 bedtime? She’s getting a lot of sleep for her age, 8.30 is a fine bedtime if you’d rather keep a 1.5 hour nap. Mine isnt even 2 and she goes to bed at 8, usually up by 6.30 and we cap her nap at 1 hour. Sounds like she’s annoyed about you trying to make her sleep when she’s simply not tired.

Mine dropped her nap just before 2.5……. And the bedtime battles ceased!!

I still miss those naps!!

I wouldn’t drop the nap yet, as she sounds overtired at bedtime. Has her routine gone off the rails with the summer holidays? She might just be getting much more stimulation with an exciting 5 year old around all day?

Either my dc, we moved upstairs in the evenings, after clearing up dinner, did bath, PJs, teeth, story and then free play in bedrooms as they got older and weren’t nodding off. I stayed upstairs with them and just did upstairs jobs, folded laundry, etc. The lights were much dimmer upstairs, than downstairs, and in summer I pulled the blinds so it kind of created a fake evening effect.

Drop the nap and bring bedtime earlier.

So she’s sleeping 10.5 to 11h at night with 1.5h of napping during the day? So 12-12.5h total in 24? that’s a completely normal amount of sleep for a 2.5 year old.

Pick your poison. If you want bedtime to be earlier either drop/massively shorten the nap to half an hour tops (this is what I would do) or make your morning start earlier. You can’t force her to have more sleep than she needs.

Thanks for the suggestions. If I start bedtime at 8/8:30pm she will still just cry for the same amount of time. I’m fine with a late bedtime for her, but I started bedtime later the other day and she wasn’t asleep until past 9:30! She was a mess bless her. I’ve also tried a short nap and still the exact same thing

Did you try the short nap for an extended period? Like a good week? Because one or two days will not have been enough. Dropping the nap is hard but i think it’s what you need to do.

@HopAroundLikeKangaroos yeah so I tried it for a good 5/6 days and it just progressively got worse each day like she would wake up miserable and then need to sleep even earlier/for even longer!! She’s a high sleep needs kid, always has been! I wish I could just drop it and get rid. Maybe I’ll just move her to an every other day nap. See if that helps?! I don’t even know

Mine both dropped their nap at around 3yo, by 2.5yo I had capped theor nap at 30mins otherwise they were not tired at bedtime. If she has recently weaned off breastfeeding and is used to cosleeping she will probbaly be very anxious about being on her own at bedtime.
My daughter is like this, ive never co slept but have spent nights shushing on the floor next to her bed. I tend to deal with it by letting her choose a teddy, a new sleep clock etc.... distraction! We often have long drawn out bedtimes, my dd is very stubborn!

You need to cap nap for a few weeks to see a difference. As it’ll take time for her to take more sleep at night instead. Is she still in a cot? If so, floor bed might be easier; we switched at 12 months

She’s in a floor bed, never been in a cot! The thing that really gets me though is how easy she is for other people when she stays with them. This is why I get so confused that it’s just me she’s like this for! For her dad/my parents she just lays down goes to sleep and doesn’t wake until the morning! But she fights and fights me

Entirely normal - she has the closest connection to you so she doesn’t want to be away from you ie go to sleep. Focus on connection and closeness rather than just rushing her to sleep.
I do think her sleep needs will have reduced (they are always reducing) and you need to account for that with a shorter nap or later bedtime.

Right guys, an update. Today we weee out with friends and I attempted a nap twice before 1pm, each time she refused so I thought right I’m keeping her awake, she was super emotional, a bit hard work but generally….ok?! She went down much easier, has woken and grumbled a few times but my god having her asleep for 6:30pm was a dream and felt so lovely to then do bed time with my son after! We even watched the eclipse together

I think again tomorrow I’m going to either go no nap, or a very short one. See if maybe a 20-30minute one would just tide her over a bit as she was very emotional towards bedtime