Is it my fault DS2 has no friends?

[Boyswillbeboys]

DS2 (4.5) has always been quite solitary, but it really makes me sad that he doesn't seem to have made friends at nursery. He is perfectly happy to go there, loves the teachers and does seem to interact with the other children, but whenever I ask him who he played with or who his friends are he says he didn't play with anyone.

He adores DS1 (6), plays well with him, and when they were both younger, playdates always included DS2 and friends' younger children. Now DS1 often goes to playdates without me, so DS2 is a bit left out.

He is a different character from DS1, always been more clingy to me but I'm afraid he will end up a billy-no-mates because I haven't made more effort. He has just started nursery full time in preparation for Reception in September and he is so tired after school that I haven't wanted to arrange too many activities. Advice please!

Do you know for sure he doesn't have friends at nursery?

I wonder because if I ask dd1 who she's played with at nursery, she nearly ALWAYS answers "nobody", or "everyone"... is never specific, IYSWIM

But the staff describe her as very sociable, plays with lots of different people etc

Do they really have 'special' friends at this age? (dd1 4.6 also) I would think it much better to 'get on' with lots of pople as opposed to small friendship groups, tbh. Plenty of time to 'make friends' (which will involve playdates etc) when at school?

I would chill a bit if I were you. It's only, ime, when they start school that they start having friends round for tea. If he's tired at the moment, I wouldn't push it.

If he's generally sociable, he'll make friends as and when he needs to. I'd only really be concerned if the nursery were saying that he's always left out/always prefers to play alone, and I don't think, from your post, that that's the case.

Dd loves nursery gets along with the others but only has one real friend. Im not too worried as long as she is happy. Im sure they will make friends as they get older.

Sounds like my DD2 - she always says she plays with 'everyone' at preschool, whereas my DD1 always had to have a best friend (which was worse at the preschool stage because she'd seem less happy if said best friend was away).

If he's happy I don't see there's a problem - as notnow says there is plenty of time for that at school.

Thanks for your words of wisdom! I know I shouldn't compare, but DS1 went to same nursery and had definite best friends by that age, whereas DS2 goes in every day and usually chooses an activity to do by himself, although doesn't seem to mind when another child potters along. I find it quite hard myself to break the ice with other mums and suggest playdates so I suppose I am just beating myself up about it. Think you are right Mumblechum, I probably just need to chill a bit!

Sounds like you just have two boys with different personalities, which is lovely

Am sure he will be fine! It's great that he's happy with independent play (a useful skill, to be able to use own imagination without direction from others) but also happy to have others join in with him. He has the 'sociable' role model in ds1 which might come in handy, too