My daughter is 4 and this is what she has just said to her brother

[itati]

Get out of my stupid bloody room

What's upset you other than this?

And nobody is attacking your parenting. We are trying to help you.

Looks like I'm wasting my time though so I shall away to do something more constructive.

If it makes you feel better, since my DD has started nursery, she tells me she isn't my friend and doesn't like me at least 5 times a day ... usually when I am trying to get her to bath or eat something ... I usually just give her a cuddle and leave it at that ...

I'm certainly not meaning to criticise your parenting, or to say that swearing or saying "I hate you" is ok. Just saying that it is not unusual for children her age to do these things, and that it is part of a gradual process of learning what words are acceptable and in what circumstances.

Unfortunately, your unhappiness at the situation did not come across clearly in the OP, as similar posts on MN have been made by others who were only pointing out how unpredictable children could be, and I think it was taken in that tone.

but Itati, I don't think she's old enough to relate her feeling upset when friend is nasty to her, to you feeling upset when she says nasty things to you. And I'm sorry you feel as tho' your parenting is being attacked - seems to me people are just trying to help you not feel so upset about it, by talking about similar behaviour from their DCs, and suggesting that it wasn't meant to hurt. I hope you feel better soon and that this bad patch passes over.

Good point WWB at 16:16:55.

I am feeling worse than crap, so I apologise if I seem ungrateful. I just find this all too much and too hard atm.

Why, wassup?

Sorry you are having a crap time. I do agree that even the best and most polite children can sometime come up with a real trooper! My 3 year old said "Fucker, MAN!!" He sure did not hear that from me..... I blame Slim Shady. Dont be too hard on yourself. Just tell her you dont like to hear those words used. "Sometimes grown ups use them, so children think it is ok, and children start using them, but really, it is not, and it is upsetting."

Oh don't feel bad - it's not a nice thing to hear your lovely DD say but she has heard it and she will use it. The trick now is getting her to stop using it. It is just words to her.

It isn't a reflection on your parenting.

My nephew swore at a young age - all learnt from being in car with my sis so when I had DS i was very careful not to swear - instead i say things like "you were given an indicator for a REASON sweetheart" in a highly sarcastic tone. One day DS started to cry in the back of the car as he said "But I am your sweetheart Mummy not that man!". You can't win!

I can't see why you are getting upset with your dd, just ingore her,or just a stern look with one eyebrow raised, just to let her know you are not happy with her, all this upset for both you and her over "bloody" it's just not worth it, save it for the real good stuff when she about 15

Itati, please don't feel bad.
My two boys have reduced me to tears many a time. The eldest (also 4) thinks it is funny to repeat what I have just said back to me at the moment, which is driving me up the wall.
Noone is mocking you, but children do repeat things that they have heard. Just as I can be ecstaticly proud when DS2 says "It's a Triceratops" I can be cringing when DS1 says "Oh just shut up".

I am sure she has got it from me.

Every day is a test too far for me at the moment and it is just one more thing. They are rude to me, mean to each other and treat me like dirt and the house like a tip.

Ignore me. Am having a bad year day.

Itati, I think I understand. I wouldn't find it funny if it was my four year old.

I would KNOW it came from me because I am the DCs main reference for English. You don't hear that kind of language on Thomas the Tank Engine!

I think hearing this type of language from my young children would make me feel ashamed and resolve to improve my language around my children.

On the other hand, I don't think young children realise how rude they sound sometimes using ordinary words eg when you ask them to do something and they say 'no you do it'. So try not to take it too personally when they are rude to you. I bet they don't mean to me most of the time.

Do they always treat you like dirt and the house like a tip? What I mean is that young children are very self-centered and inevitably won't notice all that you are doing for them and all the mess they make. But sometimes DS who is five will offer to something just for the sake of being helpful and it makes me realise that he is learning to think about other people's feelings, it's just a slow process.

Well my 5 year old has started calling her little sister a little bugger. It seems I may need to think my vocabulary.

that was rethink

DS knows the 'F' word - but he also knows not to use it. He is fascinated by the fact that hand gestures can mean "F" off too. They hear the words and they want to use them. Calmly telling them that they are not nice words to use works usually.

DS was funny one day though. In car on way to school he asked me if 'damn' was a bad word. I said it was depending on how it was spelled - 'dam' is something used in a river to block water and 'damn' is a not very nice word. All fine. We get to school and as we are getting out of the car he dropped something. 'Damn!" he exclaimed "but the river one Mummy not the bad one!"

Itati, I would be very very upset to hear my 4yr old DD say that. We have had a few similar little episodes, and she is usually very surprised to hear that it is a bad word, not to be used. If used again, loss of privileges result. I understand that she knows that 'I hate you' is hurtful, but agree that 'That's a pity, because I love you so much' is the perfect response. No need to think too much of this though, just treat it as any other little transgression!

itati - I'm sorry to hear you're finding it all so hard at the moment. I don't have any advice on the swearing front other than to tell you that my dd went through a few days of saying fuck when she wasn't even 2 and now says things like "I can't get this bloody jigsaw to work". Just ignoring is hard but I'm sure that;s the best thing to do.

What I really wanted to say is - honestly people are not criticising you or your parenting style. There are so many people on Mn who have been through what you're going through. They can help.

I remember my then 6 year old dd coming in from play, sitting at the dinner table, joining in the general conversation and then saying "so and so says that he's not doing his f*ing homework"! I nearly dropped my knife and fork whilst choking on something, but once I'd recovered I asked her if that was what he'd actually said, it was, so I explained that it's a very nasty word and she wasn't to repeat it again. Dd is 11 now and she certainly hasn't said it again in my presence, but I think that I would be niave to think she hasn't said it amongst friends, but they do pick things up from other children and adults unfortunately.