is it fair to stop your child doing an activity he or she likes because it cuts into the weekend too much?

[foothesnoo]

For example, a sport that has a two hour training session one day and a competitive game/ match the day after?

Discuss!

yes

Weekends are family time. My DD does ballet on a saturday but it's only half and hour and first thing os the rest of the weekend is free to spend together.

When our ds was younger, weekends were v. much for family time and I wouldn't have enrolled him on something along the lines you describe.

Now he's 13 and doesn't want to spend much time with us , as is busy with his friends.

I'm glad now that when he was younger, weekends were all about long bike rides/walks in the woods/playing together as a family.

My sis got divorced partly because she & her dh grew apart. She spent every weekend at gymkhanas with dd, dh spent them at football events with ds.

tough one.
Me and dp work so most of our dc's activities are Sat am.
However dd's dancing does spread out over the weekend on occasions an ds does football which will inevitably mean a match as well as skills/training as he get's older.
TBH we do it but depends how you feel, can you do it at different time in the week ?

Well, I'd be tempted tbh because the week is SO knackering that I hate having too much organised at the weekends.

Can you

Move it to another day?
Arrange to do alternate drops and pick ups with another parent?

actually, to change my mind - it does depend on the age of your DCs. Mine are pre-school but if they were teenagers/older, I guess it's normal not to expect them to spend all weekends with their family.

If they enjoy it, why should they stop? Certainly not for some spurious notion of "family time", which often consists of sitting and doing nothing. Part of "family time" is people doing their own thing which they don't get to do during the week.

Interesting.

Getting there is not a problem. It's more the idea that half the weekend is mapped out and there is a limit to the time we can all spend together. I also think that kids spend a load of time being organised at school and weekends should be about hanging out and climbing trees.

No option to do another day (may in fact also be a session mid week).

I have avoided this for 8 years.

I agree totally with Unquiet Dad.

My father insisted on 'family time'. The only effect was a lifelong dislike of both my father and the word 'family'.

Logistically, I like WWW's suggestions.

The other reason we didn't organise anything for ds is that we liked chatting in bed till at least 10am, and a lot of weekend activities start unreasonably early.

I wouldn't drop it in favour of the idea of "family time" but I would balance it out with the needs of everyone in the household (including adults) to do things they enjoy at the weekend. If it fitted in with those other needs, and mattered a lot to the child, I'd try and keep it going.

It's football. And he gets to do plenty of it in the week, and at the weekend, but more with mates, not in an organised fashion.

I know family stuff is not for everyone but we actually do hang out together a fair bit at the weekend and generally it's great. And I realise we probably only have another couple of years of weekends as they are now.

Mumblechum I am with you on the morning chats at the weekend.

I like sitting and doing nothing

We spend a lot of the week in organised activity of one sort of the other: nursery (DD1) work (DH), playgroups (me and Dd2), playdates etc. Weekends are for hanging out, preferably together.

In which case I think swapping with another parent is the answer. So then only one weekend in every 2 you have to get up and take him.

I'd say it also depends on the age of the child, and what you mean by "likes" - some children can have a real passion for their sport/instrument/whatever which will stay with them as they grow up. Having to give that up for "family time" seems a bit unfair, and counter-productive. As a parent of a teen, I'd say encouraging them in committment for something early on in life can be very helpful to give them a purpose later, when otherwise they can drift into trouble.

Yes but www its both days. Half the weekend. Just seems a lot.

But is it fair to say, no you can't do it because it cuts down the time we can spend doing other things?

What does he say about the other things? Given the choice would he do his activity or do the other things all together?

Ds recently turned down the offer of going to the cinema with dh because he wanted all four of us to just be at home since we're all charging about all over the place during the week.

The only thing is if he has a flair/passion for it then it's best to give him the opportunity to develop his skills/join a team before he is a teenager. Hopefully he may carry it on when he becomes a teenager and give him a focus then.

But surely it's onlya couple of hours at most ?
Can you not make it a family thing to go watch him ?

I know dd would be heartbroken if she had to give if Stagecoach and ballet (unlikely as we work at Stagecoach)

I do keep Sundays free as much as possible though.

Well, it's effectively a morning both days. So half the weekend. That's one activity by the way, training one day, a game the next.

I'll have a good chat with him about it later and see what he thinks.

I do think that is expecting a bit much. Most kids footy teams I know who play Sunday matches have training on a weekday evening after school.

When I was about 14 with 3 younger siblings my mun decided as we were all going our own way so much more we needed at least ONE meal together before splitting up to do activities. So the ritual of Saturday Brunch came about starting at anything between 9 & 12 noon depending on commitments. It was our one time to touch base with the rest of the family & have a bit of enjoyable family time & we all helped do stuff towards it, a HUGE meal. Sometimes we would have it when everyone got in later more like High Tea except we called it Trunch. We grazed in between on fruit & bowls of cereal but it allowed us to get on with our hobbies/Saturday jobs & still see each other a bit without making it formal or constatn catering for my mum! sigh

I think is is fair, if you are putting the eeds of the fsmily as a whole first rather than the needs of an individual.

6y DD does not d any activities at a weekend. This means she has been unable to do dance lessons, we turned down the swimming lessons offered, etc.

Our weeknds are family time and we spend a lot of weekends away from home, for at least part of the time. Plus she seems to have a lot of parties on a weekend too.

We can't fit everything in and would rather stick to doing things together (bar the parties) especially whilst she is little.

Not doing extra activities won't harm her; and I definitely don't feel she is missing out either.

depends really

if your child enjoys and benefits form it then why not work around it?