I’ve been told My 6 y/o son has used very sexually explicit words at school, but the situation is odd. Any Insight please?
Wednesday my ds class teacher pulls me aside at pickup, saying today at school he has said something quite serious, of a sexual nature. And it’s been reported to head/deputy head and they will tell me about it.
So when we get home, I reassure him he’s not in trouble and I won’t be cross, what happened today? He said I don’t want to tell you. So I just reassured him again, and said you can talk to mummy if you want to. Tucking him into bed he says he wants to tell me what he said today. He said he said to another child , “I’m going to eat [TA’s name ]bum bum” and the other child told said TA. I felt quite reassured, of course not appropriate, but it sounds like the sort of “toilet talk” he would come out with. I reminded him about appropriate language and private areas. I did think they are overreacting. As I said, no he shouldn’t say that, but I don’t think it’s unusual for a 6 year old to come out with. Poo, wee, fart, butt etc are amusing at that age. He also said something similar to me a few days before. “ I’m going to eat your arms mummy; I’m going to eat your head mummy , I’m going to eat your bum bum! “
Today I get a call , and I’m told he did not say that, he was pulled aside by the TA and TA asked my son “ did you say I want to lick [ta name] bum hole to (child)?” apparently my son responded with “ no i said lick arse hole”. I told her he said the phrase “eat bum bum ” to the child, which we agreed is far more normal for his age and very different to what is reported. She also said my son said the same thing to her. She will clarify with the teacher(s) about what was said. I said I really don’t think those words are in his vocabulary, and really not the sort of thing he’d say, I’ve never heard it before. He doesn’t have a tablet, phone, access to the internet. But I guess kids can pick anything up from others. I’m not dismissing it entirely, it’s a serious phrase and it worries me, but I feel it’s not the sort of thing my son would say.
I don’t know if I’ve handled it properly, I’ve tried to tread carefully but I also want to understand where this language around sexual actions is coming from. Without putting words in his mouth. After school, I ask him open ended, about what happened. He has the same response. I ask if he said anything else, or another word that may have been not appropriate. He was adamant he said bum bum. I asked if he’s ever heard the word arsehole. (bear in mind he is aware of other words that are swear words, but he doesn’t use them) . He was confused and said “what is that?”. I asked if he’s ever said it before, he said no. I asked if he said it on that day he said no, I only said a rude word which is bum bum. His response seemed very genuine and that word was alien to him. He said “ oh I said the f word with my friend when I was in reception “. He was trying to be honest and open. He also said the TA put him in time out for saying that.
I believe my son, but I understand kids can be honest but still misremember, or get confused. But his account has been very consistent multiple times to me and the head. Sounds super out of character. He has some disruptive and hyperactive behaviour at school but this is the first I’ve heard of such a phrase from him, ever.
It’s either
A) he did say it
B) there’s been a serious miscommunication somewhere
Either outcomes are stressing me out.
Probably won’t hear from the school till Monday.
Tia 😩