Should I explain her absent father before she starts school?

[ThatFairPeachTraybake]

Hi I’m a single parent to a four year old girl and we have no contact with father since birth. His choice!
She has never asked about him and has male role models in her life. She understands concepts of daddy and knows her cousin has a daddy but never asked about her dad.
As she starts school soon do you think I should tell her in an age appropriate way that’s she does have a dad but he has no contact. Thanks!

Wait until she asks, then say that people come from lots of different families and that her father wasn’t able to be a dad.

I would wait until she asks, she certainly won’t be the only one in her class without a dad.

Not necessarily. My daughter had a 1:1 who worked with her for 2 years and had no idea I was lone parent. Dont assume they will know.

Why did you name your child after the parent of his absent father? Did he only disappear after insisting on this? What a twat.

Why?
It’s no shame you on either of you that her dad has walked away.
Be honest for to tje reason, whether you chose badly or he wasn’t the right person.

I would big up anything you liked they have in common . It’s important that kids feel positive about their roots .

I went for the drip feed method. Started off basic with you have a dad called ‘Jim’ who lives far away and we don’t see him. Gradually added more facts over the years just naturally in conversation. Sometimes it was big info like half siblings and sometimes it was little things like your dad is good at maths too. It’s important for their sense of identity. I find his interest comes in waves. For ages he’ll not mention his dad then out of nowhere he’ll ask to see a photo. I’ve also found I need to revisit the info every so often because he forgets things like his name.

I was really proud the first time I heard a kid ask if he had a dad and he said yes his name’s Jim and he lives far away. Age 4-6 other kids asked lots, some repeatedly. As he’s got older he gets asked less but he also finds it much harder when other kids bring it up.

There have been plenty tough conversations but I’m happy that it’s not a taboo subject in our home. Good luck!

Yes 10 years of marriage, 4 years of fertility treatment and then just upped and left for another woman (saying wasn't ready to be a dad) but we'd already named dc. He also did not working or claim benefits (allegedly) so never payed cms. Dc is an adult now and the only one loosing out is his 'father'.

I don't know my dad and I don't remember ever asking about him. When it came up in school I just said I didn't have one as it was matter of fact. I'd wait until she asked personally.

We've found it easier to explain differences between our families and others as the questions are naturally asked by him. But he had asked enough questions for a rudimentary understanding about other kids having daddies but him having 2 mummies and 2 grandads well before that.
I wouldn't spend anytime worrying about it but would use this as a prompt to order some stories that have different types of families in them and naturally open the conversation that way.