Feeling sad that my children have different accents and we cannot move back

[Namesnamesnames13]

Does anyone struggle with bringing up children in a different area/country and their children have different accents and feel sad they don’t sound like you?

and wanting to move back but knowing you can’t now ever due to children…

I moved up North and my son has an odd hybrid North/South accent. I assume it will get more Northern when he starts school and is around me less. I don’t feel sad about it at all, but I don’t have negative feelings about where I live. I think it’s likely that which is making you sad, as it’s a constant reminder of the situation you’re in.

It depends on the accent. Mine have Northern accents and I grew up in the SE and have a horrible Estuary accent. I much prefer theirs!

But we were going to move to Bolton at one point and I steered us to another strong but different accented place. Sorry Bolton, its the looook/booook etc that I can't stand.

I saw an interview where Cillian Murphy said that he moved back to Ireland because his kids started sounding like posh English kids. I suppose that’s what happens if you live in a rich area of England.

I had a different accent from my parents and wasn’t aware of it ever being an issue. But if you moved away from somewhere you were happier it’s hard.

My mother is Scottish but I was born and raised in SE. My accent is fairly RP but rhotic. Quite unusual probably.

I don’t know why it would be a problem?

Are you stuck due to Hague convention? Many commiserations if you are. I’m always bringing up that danger when posters talk about moving their children abroad.

Try being from London and living in Northumberland like me! Born and raised in West London, moved north a few years ago, and I always feel like a right posho.

That said, thousands of Londoners have moved up here now since Covid, whereas I used to stand out like a sore thumb.

Anyway it never bothered me either way. Why are you so down about it?

Yes, it definitely bothers me. I think @TallSturdyGirlsmight be right that it might depend on the accent. My accent is great (Geordie) and my dc’s accents are blah (Nottingham). They do say Mam though.

Your DC will possibly lose the strength of their acquired accent over time, so I wouldn't worry about it.

We live in the city me and DH were both brought up and my youngest has a a different accent. He actually puts on our accent to say certain words. He had a non descriptive accent. He sounds a little like us and a little bit Welsh and a little bit Brummy.

I’m Scottish and have a strong accent that has never diminished in 30 years of living in England. When I used to go and visit my SNP stalwart Granny in my twenties she’d take great pride in pointing out to everyone in the care home that I still sounded exactly the same.

I am also a lover of linguistics and find accents fascinating.

My son is 9, born and bred in London with a fairly neutral RP accent. His Dad is from Somerset but also neutral RP.

Before my son could speak, I did genuinely anticipate that I would feel sad that he didn’t talk like me, especially as I only have one blood relative left in Scotland now. But it turns out I never give my son’s accent a second thought. Perhaps it helps that he’s an excellent mimic and can do a brilliantly accurate impression of me!

I’m sorry OP, I agree with the others that you are projecting deeper issues on to the accent difference.

Just don’t do what my mum did and constantly correct your kids for using the “wrong” accent

I have a fairly BBC/RP type southern accent. Mum hated us not having a Lancashire accent and frequently pointed out our “horrible” long vowels. Despite growing up in the south east from birth and knowing no other northerners….

OP are you Irish?

I’ve only heard that sentiment from Irish people in the UK or in Ireland. English accents in particular are seen negatively, less so Scottish or Welsh.

I was told several times in Ireland when my kids were toddlers that if we moved back quickly, the kids would lose the accent.

It sounds like you’re homesick, maybe not having a good time at the moment and are fixating on something small, rather than the real issues. I wish you well.

In short, no. Our kids both have Aussie accents. I only really notice it when we come back to see family and then I love hearing these little aussies in the midst of their English cousins!

it doesn’t bother me at all

I love hearing my home county accent (Yorkshire) and the first time I took my.kids there (early primary age), I did feel a bit of a pang that they would never grow up with it.
It's part of a broader series of occasional pangs - we live in the area my husband grew up, within 10 minutes of his parents, siblings and their children- and the family traditions etc my kids have grown up with, as well as the accents, are largely those of his family rather than mine (who are scattered and mostly overseas now).
But they are occasional moments, nothing more. I wonder if, as others have said, this is symptomatic of wider concerns about how life is?

My (southern) mum did this too! She was inexplicably worried we wouldn't get jobs at the BBC if we sounded northern!

A different accent hasn’t bothered me but I think we are all quite mild for where we live(d) (maybe as my parents didn’t come from where I grew up and the same for my DC, so that softened it a bit?). But I do have niggles around the letter ‘H’’s pronunciation as a letter. I correct my DC but I think it is very comment for people to say it their way. Words like ‘Bath’ I pronounce the same as my parents which differs to where I grew up & what my DC say but that doesn’t bother me (maybe as I’ve always been the odd one out with friends etc).

I do understand feeling sad for not being able to move. I have to stay where I am but luckily I love the area and have friends. It does make me sad I’m so far from my family though. My family aren’t where I grew up though so I couldn’t move ‘home’ as such.

I moved from the midlands aged 7 where I had a fairly ‘posh’ accent to Kent, my mum was horrified when I quickly picked up a London accent lol 😂… back in the midlands and I don’t really have an accent anymore

My grown up kids have a different accent to me. I’m from the Black Country they are southerners. TBH we have a lot of fun with it, taking the mick, laughing about it. It doesn’t make me sad. Ironically they both live up north now so they are the ones with accents that’s stand out where they live now too.

when they were little they used to ask “is daddy giving us a barth? Or are you bathing us” like it was two different things!

Everyone has an accent!

Think about it, you’d be immediately identifiable as English if you were in Scotland or the USA 😀

No, I don't mind - my eldest has a very 'international' accent - picking up little bits from each place we've lived, my youngest does actually sound a bit more like me - although then he tries to put on my accent and it's hilarious and I realise that he really doesn't have my accent at all.

but then my ex has a different accent to me too.

I do remember getting on a plane once and discovering a sports team from my area, and just bathing in the familiar sound of people speaking like they do at home - it was lovely.

It’s very normal OP, always has been. People’s accents change a lot. Many people “lose” their regional accents as soon as they arrive at university. My DS has been living in a northern city for twenty years and he has a distinct northern twang which is nothing like his childhood accent, or ours.

My mother had a Telephone Voice, bless her. She went a little bit Hyacinth Bucket on the phone.

We have regional accents in the UK, so unless parents and children are born/raised in the same area, then it's not uncommon for children to have a different accent than their parents.

Those differences are probably more pronounced if for example two British parents move to Spain, and have children, those children will grow up having a Spanish accent.

It's not something I would give much thought towards to be honest. I think you're focusing on this due to your unhappiness in your relationship and knowing your husband/partner won't allow you to move with the children back to the UK.

Somewhere along the line you are going to have to accept and make peace with the fact you are going to have to make a life in this country, in order to stay with your children. It's hard and it sucks.

I’m Irish and sound very Irish. I have lived in the US for a long time. My kids who were born here sound very American. It used to make me sad that they weren’t Irish. I never imagined growing up that my kids would be American. But I have come to realize that they are my kids, their personalities, their essence isn’t bound by accent or nationality, they are their own selves and I love them for that.

I have a different accent to my mother and actually slightly different to both my siblings (you would need a sensitive ear to notice it but it's there). It's no issue.