Struggling with potty training (day 4)

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Hi everyone,

I’m really struggling potty training my kids, and I wonder what I’m doing wrong.

My kids are 2 and 2 months, and 4 years old (he is autistic, I have tried potty training him before but I was either doing it wrong or he wasn’t ready).

Today is day 4 (we started on Monday) and there’s been absolutely no progress at all.
We stayed in the whole week, they’ve been completely naked, I tried just taking them to the bathroom with a toddler seat on the toilet. That didn’t work, so I put a potty in the living room where we are sitting, but no progress at all.

They haven’t peed in the potty off their own initiative once.

I have tried putting them on the potty every hour but they wouldn’t do anything, they kept getting up and leaving, I tried to make it fun for them but my 2 year old ended up refusing completely.

instead, I decided to wait for my two year old to show signs that she’s ready to pee or poo before putting her on the potty (and only prompting her before eating and after waking up), but she either shakes her head no and does it on the floor the next time anyway, or she runs away giggling.

I still put my 4 year old on the toilet every hour but nothing happens. He will still pee on the floor, he will move to the potty mid stream when I tell him to, but the time after that he will pee on the floor again. He’s now getting frustrated, refusing my prompting and flopping on the floor when I ask him to sit if I think he’s about to pee.
It seems he’s been holding it in as well.

I wanted to do a few days with no underwear
Then trousers with no underwear for a couple weeks
and then regular underwear
But I’m not getting anywhere!

Thank you for your help

Bribery is very effective. One chocolate button for a wee, two for a poo.

Edited to add, you are a brave woman trying to train both of them at once. I would concentrate on your 4 year old as your 2 year old is still at the younger end of 'normal' (if such a thing exists). Probably when your 4 year old has got it, younger sister will have watched enough to copy of her own volition.

Agree with PP it’s challenging training two at once. It can be tough toilet training an autistic child for many reasons including sensory needs.

Take a bit of pressure off yourself by focusing on the 4 year old. Some advice below.

https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/behaviour/toileting/parents

I was going to say this. My second child at the same age as your child really required some bribery. Chocolate buttons, chocolate raisins etc. She also would wee on the floor while standing right next to the potty. The YouTube potty training baby shark, coco melon videos helped too.

I’d push through because after a few days she just got it, and she hasn’t had an accident since. (My son got it quickly but had a few accidents at nursery and at home occasionally when he was playing too much, but I trained him younger before two)

We also went with chocolate buttons. However, your 4 year old should not be weeing on the floor, at that age he knows that isn't okay. I think I would have some (mild but clear) consequences for that. He could help you to clean it up together, for example.

I'd also concentrate on your eldest, it might be the method isn't working for them. Your youngest is probably still a bit on the young side in modern day potty training terms so I'd try them again in 6 months or so (my mum was horrified mine were both in nappies past 18 months!). I'd probably look at advice for children with autism and come up with a plan from there.

My eldest took to the oh crap method, we were done in 3 days and never had an accident, youngest just peed on the floor repeatedly and cried every time so we tried just a regular toilet trip method about 3 months later and he got it then.

I wouldn’t try them both at once, even with twins generally the advice is to do one at a time. I would wait a bit for the 2 year old, she’s young and can wait. Focus first on the 4 year old, we found the oh crap method useful and I know she’s recently updated her book which has more information for children with SEN. Haven’t got any knowledge of potty training autistic children but there may different strategies or techniques, probably worth a google or seeking other parents experiences who have this experience.

Please know potty training isn’t easy for anyone and it’s okay to just admit DD is young and not there yet, and focus on DS for now.