Would you complain about how a nursery worker spoke to a crying child?

[HellsBellsTrudy]

Hi all, I don’t know if this is the right place but I just want to field a question and check I’m not being over the top!

My 3 year old attends nursery and she loves it, the staff are great and she gets a lot from
it, my new baby will also be attending when she turns one.

There is one male member of staff who I’m
not a fan of mainly cos he seems generally disinterested, nothing against him being male as she used to have a male key worker who was great.

Anyway to the point, I dropped her off this morning and over heard him talking to a child no older than 3 who was crying and he said ‘stop it now, you’re just doing it for attention, you’re a big boy now’

Now if he spoke to my child like that when they were upset I would be livid, so should I complain?

The nursery prides itself on teaching them
about feelings and being nurturing and whilst o understand little ones are testing, it was 9am
and it’s not like it’s his child he’s had to deal with all day?

I think you heard what you heard, and complaining to the nursery won't get you anywhere. You need to pull your DC out and find somewhere else if you don't like what you witnessed.

Yep I'd be telling them what I heard him saying. That's really mean. Would have been better to use distraction or some kinder words, saying mum will be back again before long. Yes , do it Op.

I think I’d be looking at somewhere else. What the policy of Nursery is and what the staff do aren’t matching.

If he’s disinterested and saying things like this when he knows that parents are around I wouldn’t trust him anywhere near my DC.

Thanks all, I will say something, like I say if it was my child I wouldn’t be happy.
A bit of training wouldn’t do any harm!

@60degreecycle it would seem unfair on my child to take her out of a setting she loves where her friends are, without at least raising it first

Yes, I would complain - it is not right to expose children to someone so uncaring. He needs retraining (or a change of career), and the manager should be made aware of this.

I'd have said exactly that to my own children if they'd been gratuitously crying. I can't see an issue, particularly if your dd loves it there. Different if she were crying not to go every day.

A lot of people just do not have the patience to work in childcare unfortunately yet still seem to find themselves in that kind of role. It’s just not a nice thing to say, so while I wouldn’t be looking to remove my child I would inform the manager, needs addressing and a bit of training. Most nurseries these days pride themselves on saying things very gently and kindly.

But would you say it to someone else’s?

I would remove my DC. Either you can trust the staff to behave professionally or you can’t. Reporting this member of staff won’t make him change his attitude— he will just make sure parents aren’t aware of it.

Well, was the child just doing it for attention? Do you know what they were crying about?

I think you'd be massively over the top to complain about this but I'm sure the manager will be polite and reassuring to you.

You’ve seen behind the curtain and now you know what you know. If he’s said this in front of a parent he’ll be worse when there’s no one else around. Clearly the nursery aren’t bothered or haven’t addressed it adequately. You can complain but I agree it’s likely it will just be better hidden from parents. I’d probably be looking for a different setting.

I've worked in several nurseries and I don't think someone telling a 3 year old to stop crying/tantrumming would even register in any of them.

You'd struggle to find a nursery with a 'never tell a child to stop crying' policy.

I’d have assumed he knew the child and was confident that they were just doing it for attention. Perfectly reasonable to say it in that circumstance. Frankly, more children need to hear this sort of thing.

For me it was more the way it was delivered and the ‘you’re doing it for attention’ and ‘you’re a big boy now’

Even if the child was doing it for attention, give him attention then! That’s your job!

Well I mean exactly OP I agree! of course a child that age can cry for attention. That kind of goes with the territory. You don’t need to chivy them along like they’re off to war.

I don’t think that’s on. I would report. If he’s saying things like that within your hearing, what’s he doing when there’s no one else around? Sounds really nasty/vindictive to me and not at all in line with the EYFS and the ethos that most decent nurseries have.

His job is to manage a whole group of children, not just give attention to the loudest one.

Next parental complaint "my quiet well behaved child is always overlooked at nursery because the staff are too busy with a couple of demanding ones"

Yes, but he should treat the children in the normal way expected in a professional setting.

The two phrases the op objects to are completely inappropriate in a nursery.

Some parents might say those things to their kids but paid staff shouldn't do it.

The professional way to deal with it is 'Oh dear, come on, we've got to get inside' not make two inappropriate remarks.

There was around 5 children present and 3 members of staff at the time, regardless the way he spoke was the thing that was unacceptable.

Respectfully disagree with this point, it was the way he chose to speak which is the issue here, and yes if one child needs more attention than mine I’d be happy for them to have it, just as I would expect my daughter to be treated with patience when she’s upset.

As a previous posted said, a parent who is burnt out talking like this is one thing but a paid childcare professional should not.

I’ve drafted an email and will follow it up with a call tomorrow to the manager.