Feel like I’m drowning as a mum of twin toddler boys

[StatuesLove]

I have 28-month-old twin boys and I feel like I’m drowning right now.

They are wonderful boys, but they are incredibly difficult to manage right now. They fight constantly, hit each other, scream, tantrum, throw food, climb on everything and seem to egg each other on all day long. If one starts doing something naughty, the other joins in immediately.

Most times they look straight at me and deliberately do the opposite of what I’ve asked them to do. Meals are a battle, bedtime is a battle, getting dressed is a battle, and now they can climb out of their cots so evenings have become incredibly stressful too.
I work two days a week and they go to nursery on those days, but the other five days I’m mostly on my own with them while my husband works full time. By the end of the day we’re both exhausted and stressed, and it’s starting to affect our marriage because we’re both running on empty and losing patience.
I feel guilty even writing this but I honestly feel like I’m losing myself a little and I’m struggling to enjoy motherhood.

Has anyone else been through this with twins or very challenging toddlers? Is this a normal phase for this age? Does it get better? And if so, what actually helped you get through it?
I think I mostly need reassurance that this won’t be my life forever.

I did find this was the worst age. Mine were awful. Whoever said twins grow up being able to share lied. It did get better and we had phases of them being easier but the real turning point was them starting school.

I forgot to say it won’t be your life forever. Mine are ok now they’re adults!

Reading this genuinely made my chest tight, because I remember that exact feeling — not just tired, but drowning, like you've disappeared underneath the day-to-day of it. So first: you're not doing anything wrong. Twin toddlers egging each other on is one of the hardest combinations there is, and five days mostly solo would break anyone down eventually.
A few things that helped me when mine were around this age (not twins, but two close together, so the chaos-multiplier felt similar):

• The egging-each-other-on thing is so real, and it's not really "naughty" behavior — at this age they don't have the brakes yet, and having a partner in crime just amplifies everything. It does ease up as their language catches up and they can actually reason a little instead of just reacting.
• I had to lower my own bar for what a "good day" looked like. Some days meals were a picnic on the floor instead of the table, just to remove the battle entirely. Survival counted as a win, even if nothing looked like the Pinterest version of toddlerhood.
• The climbing was the biggest lightbulb moment for me. I kept fighting it — off the couch, off the table, out of the cot — until I realized they weren't being defiant, they just physically needed to climb and move and I hadn't given them anywhere sanctioned to do it. I got a small indoor climbing set for the living room (a low arch with a ramp) and it honestly took so much pressure off. It didn't fix everything, but it gave them somewhere to burn that energy that wasn't the furniture or each other, and evenings got noticeably calmer.
• My husband and I started tag-teaming in small chunks, even just 20 minutes where one of us fully checked out and the other held the fort. It sounds small but it gave us both just enough back to not be running on completely empty by bedtime.

It does get better — not all at once, but this exact intensity, the hitting, the tantrums, the deliberate defiance, does soften as they get more words and more control over themselves. You're not failing at this. You're just in the hardest part of it, and it's okay to say that out loud.