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Parenting

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Feeling worried about not deferring

5 replies

Chrissypalms · 07/07/2026 16:05

My little one is young for his year, born at the end of the cut off so really two weeks later he'd be the year below. When it came to starting school we had the option to defer a year. I had wanted to but felt unsure. i had just had a new baby and was exhausted and likely had post natal anxiety/depression looking back. My husband felt he was fine to go ahead after having a successful nursery year. Its now 3 years later and im having major regrets. He does enjoy school for the most part and has friends and is doing ok academically however I feel he is quite immature (understandably) compared to a lot of his year group. He does well in class tests however they did a big progress test and he got the lowest in his class in maths. He said he felt tired and the teacher advised he rushed through. The teacher also mentioned ADHD possibility as he lacks focus and often makes mistakes despite knowing the material well. He's a happy child and I feel sad ive potentially set him up for a harder time in school. I also worry that his youngness and immaturity is being confused with ADHD and my son will be labelled. Anyone have any advice/reassurance or been in a similar situation? The option to repeat really isnt there and I do feel a sense of annoyance towards my husband for not supporting a deferral more.

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Notsurenotsurenotsure · 07/07/2026 16:51

Well it's very hard to repeat a year and drop down once you've started, so it's about making the best of the situation now. In particular, not letting him fall behind over the summer. So have him read to you every day, and do ten mins of maths to keep his skills up. He is at a disadvantage being the youngest in the year, so all you can do is try to be proactive about countering that.

ThatPeppyMauvePoster · 07/07/2026 17:17

Regret is pointless and there would have been other issues if you didn't defer. My DS was born premature on 30 August so I do get it.

Get him some tutoring so he doesn't fall behind. Support him with homework. Cut down on some after school activities if he's doing too much so he can rest.

Mo819 · 07/07/2026 21:59

All children learn at there own pace . He is young he will catch up to his peers dont over think it.

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NuffSaidSam · 07/07/2026 22:07

Firstly, stop blaming your husband. He doesn't have a crystal ball anymore than you do, remember hindsight is 20/20! He did what he thought was best on the information available to him at the time, maybe that was wrong, maybe not, by that's parenting. Who knows how he'd be in the younger year? Maybe you'd be having the same conversation about ADHD because he'd be bored academically an acting up because of that. You just don't know.

All you can do now is help him to make the most of his current situation. It sounds like the main issue is immaturity. What are you doing at home to help that? Does he have chores/responsibilities/things he can help with? What do you expect from him at home?

Chrissypalms · 07/07/2026 22:13

NuffSaidSam · 07/07/2026 22:07

Firstly, stop blaming your husband. He doesn't have a crystal ball anymore than you do, remember hindsight is 20/20! He did what he thought was best on the information available to him at the time, maybe that was wrong, maybe not, by that's parenting. Who knows how he'd be in the younger year? Maybe you'd be having the same conversation about ADHD because he'd be bored academically an acting up because of that. You just don't know.

All you can do now is help him to make the most of his current situation. It sounds like the main issue is immaturity. What are you doing at home to help that? Does he have chores/responsibilities/things he can help with? What do you expect from him at home?

You're right, its unfair to blame my husband, tbh everyone pushed for him to go ahead into the school.

I don't think he has much responsibilities tbh except tidying his room, clearing his plate etc ,that's something ill work on over the summer thanks for the suggestion!

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