Struggling with my toddler

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I need a place to vent. My 2yo has been hard work since the day she was born. A constant crying newborn who was fussy all the time wouldn't let anyone hold her apart from me

I have a 4 year old boy and I feel constant guilt as im trying my best to have 1 to 1 time with him and she just wont let me

Whines all the time when I try to and I leave her with nan now and then but she asks for me. She goes to nursery but thats my work time

Even now we're on holiday and I just am struggling so bad. She wont go to DH never does whines for me cries for me. I've barely got to play with DS (4yo ) in pool as she whines and makes me get out as she doesnt like it as much

She wont nap has been having more potty accidents due to change of routine etc

Im just a bit fed up and feel so bad for my eldest

That sounds tough. Can you get your other half to take her for a walk whilst you play with DS in the pool for a bit? She might not like it at first but it’s important for him to build a relationship with her with some 1-1 time, maybe he could take her for ice cream or something fun? Gives you and your son a break from the whining.

Thanks he tries but she's just so clingy he has to bring her back last time he tried and she just cried the whole time

We only have a day left and I mean the time she was in the pool I did tell dh to play with her a bit and I focused on ds

And ive spoke to my mum who's minded her a few times who said she'll keep doing the odd day so I get my time with my edlest

And its awful im dreading this September I feel so sad my eldest goes to school. But half terms we'll get some 1 to 1 while she has nursery days im going to keep her in and not switch her to term time I think

So i can get that time witb my eldest too

She is 2. She doesn’t get to ‘let’ you do anything. You are the parent and you make the rules.

Has she been a precious princess up until now? Sounds like she needs to hear a firm NO. And stop giving into her demands.

So she cries when she doesn't get what she wants?
And your DH thinks the best thing to do is to give her back to you....

Time for some tough love for two I think 🤔

Yeah she's always been more clingy to me and yep normally when she's kicking and screaming and sometimes wees herself on purpose during a temper tantrum its easier for me to do

But maybe we need to push through constant asking for me

He took her the playground once when we were home not long ago and she just spent the whole time asking wheres mummy

My toddler cries when my mam takes her to play groups. She really kicks off when she leaves but we just stick with it and she’s fine by time they get there and has a lovely time. Is she is nursery full time? If so maybe she doesn’t actually get as much one on one time as you think and is struggling. She’s only 2. They are full of emotion at that age.

He took her the playground once when we were home not long ago and she just spent the whole time asking wheres mummy

Where's mummy - at home, let's go on the swing

Where's mummy - at home, ooh see that silly dog!

Where's mummy - at home, I think I might have a snack in the bag, shall we check?

etc

Does she ask for you at nursery? Cry all the time?

No she's very quiet the staff said and only really comes out of her shell when I come to collect her xx

Agree with this, your partner needs to be completely on board and help with this otherwise you’ll end up burnt out and resentful of any time spent with your toddler.

OMG this is my life. I created my username about 12 months ago and still going. We had a horrendous birth, first 6 months (due to undiagnosed allergies to egg, soya, dairy, nuts, tomatoes, strawberries and all legumes), weaning was so hard, sleep was non existent (still waking 3-4 times a night at 2.5). It settled down 12-14 months when he could walk and then the speech delay/ ear infections kicked in (or we noticed them). Had grommets at 28 months and we had two months of having the best toddler ever as his speech motored and he didn’t have sore ears. Currently got a perforated ear drum and an infection in the other ear. All he wants is me, and all I want is alone time 😵‍💫 DH tries really hard, but he will kick and scream for literally hours, which means it’s inevitable I’m back on duty before he’s stopped. We alternate bedtimes, with DH it’s at least 2-3 hours of him reassuring him mummy’s not gone and it’s his turn, whilst trying to keep him in bed and him eventually crying himself to sleep, with me it’s 45 mins, but we persevere with DH because I can’t do 24-7. DM and DSIS refuse to have him on his own so it’s all on us and our baby sitter had him once but now sits if we are in the house 😂 basically we hide upstairs/ in the kitchen/lounge whilst she’s in the playroom with him.
Anyway this is totally not helpful, but solidarity, if she’s like mine I don’t know how you cope with 2. All I can say is I hope it gets better and possibly check out if shes triggered by anything. We can tell when DS has an ear infection/feels unwell, as although he can’t tell us, we get incidents at nursery which we don’t have normally and he is a lot more clingy and cries so much more.

She will continue this way as long as you let her. Your post is full of 'She wont let' etc. She is 2, you are in charge. Ignore her crying for you, set the rules and stick to them and in time she will realise that mummy wont jump every time she tells you to.

Sending lots of love. Its so tough isn't it