Bedtime woes at my wits end!

[GiraffezebraLion]

Any advice much appreciated....

At my wits end with bedtime routine!! DH works away 3-4 days a week so doing solo bedtime quite a bit. Usually fine when we are both around as I normally take DD2 and husband will sit with DS5 until they are both asleep and then we can get downstairs etc. However finding it increasingly hard to get them both to sleep on my own. DD2 now in a 'big girl bed' which makes things harder!
routine has always been wind down, bath around 6:30/7 teeth, then I do stories and cuddle to sleep DD2 whilst my oldest would play quietly in his room, normally both asleep by 8:30. However now DD older she is having none of it and not going down very quickly so oldest gets bored after 20 or so mins so comes into her room and wakes her up if she's dropping off etc. Alternatively I also leave her in her room to play if she's not interested but then again she gets upset if he's taking too long to fall asleep. So tonight like most nights has been a screaming match taking it in turns with both of them whilst the other screams for me....feels impossible!! Any tips on solo bedtime routine with smaller kids would be much appreciated

Bluntly, I think you’re faffing about with them way too much. Both children, especially your five year old are old enough to understand a more sensible bedtime.

You have a good bedtime routine. A routine is meant to tell them what’s coming and a wind down to being in bed and falling asleep.

Explain to both of them what you want to happen, obviously in simple terms for the two year old. Then you have to stick to it.

Teeth, pyjamas, story, hug, lights out.

Quit the faffing

I'd put them in the same room. Then stories, everyone in beds, twinkle twinkle and hold their hands for five mins and then say night night I'll check you in a little bit. And leave. Come back to check them, if still awake repeat the comment and come back until they are asleep. It'll get faster and faster as they know you will come back.

My 5 year old gets a bedtime story, kiss and a cuddle, then lights out and “10 minutes of Yoto” because he’s “a big boy who can be trusted to stay in bed and listen”. It’s actually not 10 minutes. It’s about 20 and he just falls asleep listening to it. He knows that if there’s any nonsense at bedtime he loses the Yoto.

I’d do that with the 5 year old which gives you more time to sort the 2 year old. They like getting things that are privileges for big kids only. Work towards the same for the 2 year old. We started using the Yoto before bed at 3 years old. It’s a great incentive for staying in bed and there are specific sleepy cards to help kids drift off.

Similar age gap. I do bath, wee, teeth together and then the 5 year old plays quietly in her room until I'm finished with the 2 year old. She's only allowed to come into the 2 year old's room "in an emergency", which she mostly sticks too - though occasionally the emergency is she can't find her glue stick =D I'm really firm with her about noise levels when she's playing on her own and not interrupting the younger one's bedtime. Similar to pp's messaging, I emphasise the "big girl getting to stay up later and play" angle. She has her Barbies and colouring and some other calm bits in there. She also has a Yoto to keep her company if the 2 year old is being faffy! I then find she's pretty tired and ready to go straight to bed after reading some of her book.

Also the 5 year old shouldn't be screaming for you. They should be able to wait, and will need to accept they might have to wait and it might be longer than they'd like, but that's life. I leave both mine to get to sleep themselves, so sometimes I go into the 5 year old's bedroom and then need to go back to the 2 year old if she's shouting - but the 5 year old doesn't need to shout! (Unless, of course, there's an emergency!)

Are you saying that your bedtime routine is two hours long if you're going up at 6.30pm and they don't fall asleep until 8.30pm? If so that's your problem. Long bedtime routines just mean more time for stalling, bedroom battles and if they dont fall asleep until 8.30pm, then they certainly won't be tired at 6.30pm which is also going to make it harder to fall asleep.

If they don't fall asleep until 8.30pm I'd be going up at around 7.45/8 and a very simple routine. Bath, story, song (if they want. My four year old doesn't like twinkle any more!) and then into bed and lights out. No long periods of playing in their room, lying on bed etc.

If they’re not falling asleep till 8.30, then go up much later. Do something really active before then. Then Theyll be tired and everything should be quicker

Thanks everyone for your replies! Maybe I am just doing too much faffing and over complicating. I'll try and be a bit firmer with my 5YO and also try the audio books. Will have to try and get them falling asleep independently too to save my sanity!

8:30 feels quite late for lights off/ asleep so over tiredness may not be helping streamlining routine be might help.

So we have 2.5 year age gap and when my oldest was 5 my OH regular had to travel for work and solo bed time can be crushing.

When solo we did
Bath, pyjamas, cup of milk for youngest whilst oldest family noshed drying cleaned teeth etc..
Then all into our bed they picked one story each.
Then oldest went to their room to look at book youngest was put to bed had a song and a cuddle and lights off
Back to oldest who had a cuddle and a song then lights off. We learnt the trick was streamlining and the children knowing this was what happened.