When did your DC make their good friends at school?

[koalabearboombox]

We're at the end of reception and eldest gets on well with everyone in the class, but doesn't seem to have strong friendship with anyone in particular. There's a few kids mentioned that they like to play with but I've noticed at recent parties that they tend to hang out as a little group that DC isn't part of.

What point in school did your DC find their "people"? Their school is a big city school and I do worry sometimes it's too big... Missing that sense of close community as there's simply too many people to get to know.

I think it happens later than reception for a lot of kids, especially (anecdotally) boys.

My boy has always had a large group of friends, with a couple he is closer to that emerged during year 1. He’s in year 3 now and can usually just fall in with whoever is around - which personally I think is a great skill!

My girl found her soul mate in nursery and they are still joined at the hip at the end of reception. This is more problematic imo as they’re being separated for year 1 and I want her to be able to make more friends.

Play dates over the summer are great for solidifying friendships and getting them set up for the new school year.

This might not be what you want to hear but ds did not meet his good friends until Secondary and University. He was part of a wide group at Primary, had lots of playdates and is still in touch with a few but his closest friends are from Secondary and University. He was at a small 1 form entry school and was perfectly happy.

I think more like Y1/2 ish. But they do still swap around a bit until end of primary. Y5/6 is particularly tricky. Then it’s all change again in Y7/8. I think at reception age, they still don’t really know how to make friends in the way you’re anticipating. It is still very directed by parents at that age and you do need to make an effort to facilitate friendships. I’d say by the end of Y2 you will have taken a step back a bit and you just need to organise the play dates.

DS1 made one close friend in primary - still friends to this day. He made close friends in secondary from around Yr8 or 9, and they are still friends to this day. Also made friends at uni, through church and music groups. He keeps his friends. He makes an effort with them.

DS2 is autistic. He made no friends in primary. He made no friends in secondary, even though several people tried to befriend him but he just didn't pick up on the cues, even though he was desperately lonely. Eventually, DS1's friendship group took him under their wing and he became close to them and still is. He made friends at uni after a disastrous first Covid-isolated year. Still sees them. But his closest friends are from his hobbies.

However, in priary school, I did keep a steady stream of playdates going even though they were very one-sided and rarely returned. It meant both DC had people to play with, had birthday parties, things to do over summer. Along with beavers/Cubs, summer playschemes etc, they were well-socialised.

My DS met his group of friends in reception. He's 27 now and they're all as close as ever, in fact they all went away with partners and wives this weekend to celebrate a wedding of one of them. It's so lovely.

I think they start making strong friendships around Year 4 age (so 8/9). Although it will be more likely secondary school friendships that last.

My DD (age 20) is still friends with her best friend from Reception but the friendship has not been linear, and she's definitely not a "close friend" now.

For us reception and y1 were covid years so I'd say it was Y2. She was best friends with her best friend in Y1 though. Def had a core group by Y3. BUT things are quite fluid and the group has changed a bit over the years - she's in Y6 now. Same best friend but the 'group' has changed.

My DS is Yr1 currently. Honestly? He makes friends at the drop of the hat so within the first few days he'd got his squad and it's not changed.

I'd not worry too much about specific close friendships at end of Reception year. They're still "finding their feet" in school. Year 1 is where learning becomes more structured, e.g. group work and possibly fixed seating plans, so kids will tend to form partnerships & small friend groups.

From personal experience, my Yr5 DS (ASD) has had his "best friend" since Year 2, with a varied bigger group of friends based on their interests. He says hello to absolutely everyone he knows.

My Yr3 DD is pretty much the opposite, she's been selectively mute since nursery, and spoke to no-one for the majority of Reception, neither teachers nor peers. Thankfully she seems to have lovely classmates who included her, and has slowly gained confidence in many ways. She became good friends with a similar girl in Year 1, and has gradually built up a small group of friends. She struggles a lot with social interaction outside of school still.

Your DC being friendly and approachable will help, they may find a couple of closer friends or a bigger group to feel included in by end of next year. In some ways having a flexible larger friendship group could be easier... always someone to talk to/hang out with, rather than feeling lonely if their "bestie" is off school for any reason!