Advice on parenting situation at park

[AMeltingSnowman]

I had a moment at the park earlier that I'm not sure I handled properly and I wondered how others would have dealt with it.

DS has just turned three and we were at a park with a wooden child-sized train, with various carriages. He wanted to have a go at being the driver and waited until it was free, but when he went to jump in another boy (about five) got there first. He was a bit upset but I told him that he'd just have to wait his turn. The little boy was on it for ages and then when he went to get off, DS went to get on. At that point the little boy told his sister/cousin/friend (about 6/7) to get on instead and physically blocked DS from getting on! DS, the boy and the sister ended up all sort of sitting on it together, DS got really upset and then ran off crying. Again, I told him that he'd have a go when the girl was finished. After about 15 minutes we needed to leave, so I suggested to DS that he asked the girl if he could have a turn before he left. She asked the little boy, he said to say no, so she did. DS again was upset and we just left.

I'm not sure what I should have done - the little boy was otherwise being a bit difficult (he was grabbing DS' hands and pushing them off a little wheel on one of the carriages, even when DS suggested they take turns playing with it as the carriage had two seats and they were both sitting there) and he was also throwing wooden blocks at his own older brother. The parents were sitting a little way away and could see everything that was going on but were just leaving them to it.

Should I have just left him to it? Or intervened to tell them to let him have a turn/ask the parents to step in? Part of me thinks it's just part of learning to play with others, and part and parcel of being around older kids, but it just felt so unfair - it's the only thing DS wanted to play with, and I feel like I basically taught him to be a bit of a pushover (though we had a chat about taking turns etc).

I'm the mum that would have said excuse me, my son has been waiting his turn patiently, nobody owns the park and everyone has to share, he was waiting first so you can go after him.

I would intervene in that situation- "sorry, I think it is actually Freddie's turn now. You can have a turn after"

I would have intervened to say it’s your turn now. Kids generally will listen if an adult speaks up.

then again at a museum last week my som was waiting for a turn on the digger demo and a 2 year old was playing for a good 5 five minutes whilst his mom stood to the side on her phone. The mom of the child asked him if my son could have a turn- little kid shook his head and she kind of shrugged. Then she said you can play together- my son didn’t want to- hence why he waited his turn- he’s 6 and wanted to do it properly. The mom was trying the whole gentle parenting trick.
then another child pushed in- his nan told him it’s not his turn yet and he moved away.

Yes I would have politely but firmly told the children that it was my childs turn now

I’m very much like you. I’m understanding, empathetic, and care deeply about other people. As I’ve got older though, I’ve become less of a pushover.

I would have done the same as you and told my son he had to wait. But if I found myself being bossed around by a child, I think I would have politely said, “Excuse me, little one, my son has waited patiently, so it’s his turn next.

People can be so difficult to navigate sometimes, can’t they? But you sound like a lovely mum who’s just trying to do the right thing by everyone.

Just move on and let your son know that everyone is different and sometimes children and adults can be difficult 🌸

Where are their parents, your child is only 3 so you neeed to be their voice however I’d of told them it was my child’s turn and made it happen

Yes, I would have said this too, OP. In my experience, the bulshy kids usually slink away at this.

Your poor child.

You told him to wait his turn after the child blocked him from getting on so his friend could get on instead?

Your child had ALREADY waited for his turn.

It was the kid trying to get on that you should have told.

You’re literally telling him his feelings don’t matter.

Yes I think this what I should have done. I did do a bit of a half hearted, "He has been waiting a while and it would be really nice if he could have a turn" but I just got a blank stare. It felt like I was back at school myself 😅Clearly I need to be a bit more assertive. I was a bit thrown though because if it was the other way round I would have intervened as soon as DS pushed in the first time, and certainly when he was then having trouble taking turns.

I would have said that it was my child’s turn now. But if they still physically didn’t move I would have said to my child “that’s a shame that they can’t share, that’s not kind is it? Let’s go and get an ice cream.”

For what it’s worth I’d say this tomorrow morning in your shoes. Let him know that he did good waiting and you’re proud of him and the other child wasn’t kind. He probably needs his feelings validating.

I intervene. I can’t stand around watching my child getting bossed about. When they’re older and more robust I mostly leave them to
it, but not at 3.

If it had worked and the child got off to let your child on, how long would you have let your child play with it before telling him it's someone else's turn? And would your child have accepted that?

You need to get more firm OP.
‚ok mate you‘ve had your turn. He won’t be long. I’ll call you over when he’s done.‘
your poor boy! He must have been very confused.

It depends - as much time as he'd wanted if there was nobody else there, but 5-10 minutes if there were other kids clearly wanting a turn (especially if they'd asked for one...). He is actually pretty good at letting others take a turn, but I would step in if he's refusing and he's had a good turn already - he's only just three so still needs support with it.

I think there are two things you can teach in this sort of situation - one is to stand up and not be a pushover, and one is to know when to walk away.

I would have spoken up when the bigger boy pushed ahead of your DS if your DS was definitely waiting before him.

But it’s also reasonable to teach him not to stay where he’s getting the short end of things and to go off, do something else and come back another time when the bullies aren’t around.

I wouldn’t let a kid bully him off and then just wait around as I do think that kind of teaches him that he’s not as worthy IYSWIM.