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Parenting

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Advice one year in

19 replies

SRH · 30/06/2026 20:34

I am almost one year into being a first time mum and I still don’t feel like I’ve got the hang of it. I’m still not confident taking baby out and about too far from home, there’s no element of raising him which I find “easy” or which I think I’m good/great at. There’s still a lot of day to day stuff which doesn’t make me happy, mostly the loss of identity and all the things I’ve sacrificed or given up (which seem like they’ll never return). Sometimes, I really can’t believe I have survived this last year. Does anyone else out there feel similar and did it get better for you?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
24Dogcuddler · 01/07/2026 05:27

It’s a long time since I had a one year old. Sounds like you are feeling quite isolated. Do you have any friends nearby with babies or is there anywhere locally that you could go? Baby music sessions, library events etc.
Even a daily short walk with no pressure on times might give you a boost and help your mood.

Well done making it through the year it’s an achievement and you need to try to recognise that and be kind to yourself.
Do you have a partner and does this give you any time to yourself? Do you have family or friends nearby who can support or babysit so that you can get out?

If you’re on Mat leave have you had keeping in touch days for a glimpse of the “old you”
Sorry I’ve not been much help but I’m sure lots of Mums can relate. Maybe write down some things that you’re grateful for or things to look forward to.
It will get better and don’t be afraid to seek help and support to get there.

Poodleeatingnoodle · 01/07/2026 06:42

One year olds are tough. They want to be independent but can't, and then scream and cry about it.... A lot. Probably hate the pushchair so getting out the house becomes tricky. 18 months I started to see glimmers of hope. 2 years was a real turning point for me with both. When they talk it's a game changer. Not just random words but actually able to communicate well it all gets easier. They are my little best mates now.

I can honestly say I hate the first 18 months. I don't find much joy in it at all. I won't be having anymore now. If I could birth two year olds I'd have four!

Hang in there!

Thawtfulpanda · 01/07/2026 06:46

Poodleeatingnoodle · 01/07/2026 06:42

One year olds are tough. They want to be independent but can't, and then scream and cry about it.... A lot. Probably hate the pushchair so getting out the house becomes tricky. 18 months I started to see glimmers of hope. 2 years was a real turning point for me with both. When they talk it's a game changer. Not just random words but actually able to communicate well it all gets easier. They are my little best mates now.

I can honestly say I hate the first 18 months. I don't find much joy in it at all. I won't be having anymore now. If I could birth two year olds I'd have four!

Hang in there!

Exactly this. Babies are very shit. I found audiobooks saved me and walking. So nap time I would get out and walk with a sling (my dc were clingy and would sleep nowhere else) and walk for an hour to two with a good audiobook. It gave me some 'me' back.

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ToddlerBoy383291 · 01/07/2026 07:27

Fucking hate the baby stage. Mine is 2 and he's amazing. It started getting better at 18 months and now he's 2, he's so easy.

Work on communication. Lots and lots of reading, talking etc. The earlier they talk, the easier it is.

SRH · 01/07/2026 08:27

Poodleeatingnoodle · 01/07/2026 06:42

One year olds are tough. They want to be independent but can't, and then scream and cry about it.... A lot. Probably hate the pushchair so getting out the house becomes tricky. 18 months I started to see glimmers of hope. 2 years was a real turning point for me with both. When they talk it's a game changer. Not just random words but actually able to communicate well it all gets easier. They are my little best mates now.

I can honestly say I hate the first 18 months. I don't find much joy in it at all. I won't be having anymore now. If I could birth two year olds I'd have four!

Hang in there!

This gives me soooo much hope! Since he was born, I’ve wondered if I’ll enjoy toddlerhood more and I’m so glad to know it’s not just me who feels this way! Thank you xx

OP posts:
SRH · 01/07/2026 08:28

Thawtfulpanda · 01/07/2026 06:46

Exactly this. Babies are very shit. I found audiobooks saved me and walking. So nap time I would get out and walk with a sling (my dc were clingy and would sleep nowhere else) and walk for an hour to two with a good audiobook. It gave me some 'me' back.

More hope! Thank you so much for letting me know your experience! I have felt so much guilt for not loving every second of babyhood but maybe it’s more normal than I think

OP posts:
Row23 · 01/07/2026 09:33

I felt similar with my first - until he could speak it was all a bit tricky. But once we could start chatting everything we did was more fun. Like he’d say ‘wow mummy, a massive stick!’ And because he’s so amazed by it, it is exciting for you as the parent too. Plus you see their personality more which is fun.
My second is 10 months old and I have found it a bit easier to get back to myself this time round. So I’ve prioritised an evening a week to do an exercise class or fun activity for myself. I think once you start making a little bit of time to do something you enjoy then you start to feel more like yourself.
Also, when my oldest was about 16 months I got a part time job, around 8 hours a week, and I studied online, just a short introductory course to a career I was interested in. That also reaallly helped me feel like I was progressing, contributing and doing something not child related

Peonies12 · 01/07/2026 09:59

Honestly why would you expect to love every minute? It’s hard work and relentless. Are you going back to work? That helped me massively to appreciate it when I am with my toddler; as Ive has a break. Im so much better parent than when I was on maternity leave. And I’d really push yourself to get out more, it’s the only way to get confidence with it. we’re always out; i find it so boring at home. If they cry / tantrum, whatever; just take them away somewhwre quieter and Theyll calm down. No one cares!

user293948849167 · 01/07/2026 10:58

I’m 15 years in and still don’t feel like I know what I’m doing all the time. Every stage is new when it’s your eldest. I think all good parents feel like this to some degree because it’s normal to worry whether you’re being a good parent.
It may also be that you enjoy older kids more, that’s ok. Personally although I loved having babies I prefer 3+ age more, and having older kids is great too.

ToddlerBoy383291 · 01/07/2026 15:03

Peonies12 · 01/07/2026 09:59

Honestly why would you expect to love every minute? It’s hard work and relentless. Are you going back to work? That helped me massively to appreciate it when I am with my toddler; as Ive has a break. Im so much better parent than when I was on maternity leave. And I’d really push yourself to get out more, it’s the only way to get confidence with it. we’re always out; i find it so boring at home. If they cry / tantrum, whatever; just take them away somewhwre quieter and Theyll calm down. No one cares!

Instagram/social media. There is a pressure to LOVE being a parent. Everyone I knew before having my DS (he's 2) just talked about how wonderful it is. Looking back, it was such bullshit. I guess because women have a choice now, we need to convince ourselves it's worthwhile and amazing.

SowWhatNow · 01/07/2026 15:07

ToddlerBoy383291 · 01/07/2026 07:27

Fucking hate the baby stage. Mine is 2 and he's amazing. It started getting better at 18 months and now he's 2, he's so easy.

Work on communication. Lots and lots of reading, talking etc. The earlier they talk, the easier it is.

And then they turn 3.

Good luck.

SowWhatNow · 01/07/2026 15:15

Mine are 5 and 3 now OP.

They play together and entertain each other which gives me headspace to stay on top of things just about. Eldest started school this year and is so easy to get out the house from age 4.5 onwards. "Shall we go to the park? Yes! Go have a wee, next shoes on....oh you did all that already. Let's go!" But with the 3yo in tow it is a battle to get out the door. Battle to choose socks. Put them on. Yank them off to do it themselves. Realise they can't quite do it independently yet. Scream and throw socks. Similar for going to the toilet before leaving the house (not quite trustworthy yet to not wet themselves) and shoes the same. Wrong coat. Want the other water bottle. Screaming at anyone for helping. "No I WANT TO FIND IT." followed by "I can't find it!". Wrong snack. Wants to scoot. Too tired to scoot. All the words. Not enough words to explain their feelings. Not understanding other peoples reactions to being whacked with a snack. Etc etc.

I'm optimistic that in a year, it'll improve.

Parenting at any age is no cake walk! Hang in there OP

Peonies12 · 01/07/2026 15:36

ToddlerBoy383291 · 01/07/2026 15:03

Instagram/social media. There is a pressure to LOVE being a parent. Everyone I knew before having my DS (he's 2) just talked about how wonderful it is. Looking back, it was such bullshit. I guess because women have a choice now, we need to convince ourselves it's worthwhile and amazing.

You’re so right!

ToddlerBoy383291 · 01/07/2026 16:04

SowWhatNow · 01/07/2026 15:07

And then they turn 3.

Good luck.

Yeah given what an easy 2 year old he is, I absolutely deserve a threenager 😂

SRH · 01/07/2026 18:42

ToddlerBoy383291 · 01/07/2026 15:03

Instagram/social media. There is a pressure to LOVE being a parent. Everyone I knew before having my DS (he's 2) just talked about how wonderful it is. Looking back, it was such bullshit. I guess because women have a choice now, we need to convince ourselves it's worthwhile and amazing.

Not a single person told us it would be hard, I was so naive and clueless. I thought baby would just come and slot into our lives but of course it was more like baby upended our lives and I wasn’t expecting it. A year on, I didn’t have a job to return to and so have lost that independence, very little spending money, things are so tight. Husband is supportive, kind and loving but his life hasn’t changed as much as mine. He still has his job and colleagues, more of a routine, a wee bit of spending money etc. I think I still feel some grief for my old life.

OP posts:
Thawtfulpanda · 02/07/2026 06:20

I also loved toddler age onwards. I did go onto have a second but again found the first year/18 months very shit. They're just screaming blobs really and it's just very dull and no sleep. I think people who have grandparents around etc probably find it easier but we were on our own.

But I would get a job. I went back to work at a year. I work full time but was able to flex to allow me two days with dd. Dh flexed too so she was in nursery 3 mornings a week and with us the rest of the time.

Peonies12 · 02/07/2026 06:33

SRH · 01/07/2026 18:42

Not a single person told us it would be hard, I was so naive and clueless. I thought baby would just come and slot into our lives but of course it was more like baby upended our lives and I wasn’t expecting it. A year on, I didn’t have a job to return to and so have lost that independence, very little spending money, things are so tight. Husband is supportive, kind and loving but his life hasn’t changed as much as mine. He still has his job and colleagues, more of a routine, a wee bit of spending money etc. I think I still feel some grief for my old life.

Im sorry no one told you. Luckily I had friends who were honest about it. I’d really recommend getting a job, it sounds like that might help you a lot. Look at nursery anyway to get a break, my daughter started at 10 months and has always loved going

Luckymummyx3 · 08/07/2026 04:43

@ToddlerBoy383291 i disagree that it’s bullshit that people enjoy the baby stage. It’s just different types of people enjoy different things. This thread clearly shows there are quite a few people who dislike the baby stage and enjoy it more when they become toddlers and can talk etc. I love the baby stage and find toddlers quite hard work with tantrums and what not. That doesn’t make me a bullshitter, just different.

Covingcrisis · 08/07/2026 07:40

It definitely gets easier, I found 12-15 months a tricky phase because both of mine seemed to get quite frustrated - they wanted to walk/talk and until they’re steady on their feet it limits how much they can do.

I would definitely look for a job, even if it’s one or two evenings a week in a pub you wouldn’t need childcare then as DH could watch baby and it’s so nice to earn a bit of money and have some adult interaction/go to the loo on your own!

Everyone talks about the terrible 2’s but I definitely preferred 15 months (ish) and up from that in-between mobile baby phase. As they get older you can feed the ducks, colour, do crafts, go to the park, which were the kinds of things I was looking forward to doing when I had children.

What’s the sleep like? I would work hard on getting into a good nap routine, benefits the nighttime sleep and means you get a bit of a break. I would also power through and get out of the house everyday, it breaks up the day and I found they got bored around this age being at home which led to worse behaviour. If you’re nervous about leaving the house I would start with playgroups. You want a village hall or church group type set up rather than a 30 minute baby music class. The village hall type groups are great because they’re usually about 2 hours long, hot drinks for adults and a snack for the little ones. They all sit and play with toys maybe do a bit of singing or playdough/crafts and the mums sit and watch and drink coffee! They’re usually very cheap too. They were great because all I had to do was get them there and then they were contained and could crawl/walk around without having to be in the pram.

Walk to the park/to feed the ducks (baby will probably enjoy watching this now). Library bounce and rhyme type groups are free and you can sit and read books together. NCT walk and talk groups again free I believe and a good way to build a bit of a mum network. Swimming - don’t have to do formal baby swim lessons at this age, find out which leisure centre pool is warmest and take baby for a swim. It’s a bit of a faff but I found it worth it because they always had an amazing nap afterwards!

Soft play or a role play cafe/village - again they are contained and there’s a chance you can drink your coffee for a bit.

With my first she would nap happily in her pram out and about so we spent all day out quite often. My second isn’t like that so our routine was to go out in the morning to a group or similar. Come home, have lunch, she would be worn out from the morning so have a good nap for a couple of hours. Wake around 2:30 and then would play happily because the toys were all “fresh” and exciting because we’d been out. A little snack, then try and head outside for a little play in the garden (toys on a picnic blanket, crawl/toddler around the grass with a ball) or a little walk to the park. I tried to make dinner early in the day and reheat/slow cooker/finish because I found mine were grouchy and miserable at about 5pm and it was stressful trying to do all the cooking then. Have dinner, bath time, start books at about 6:40, in bed for 7. Then I had the evening to myself.

Baby is probably still on 2 naps in which case I would head straight out after first nap or they’d have a car nap and I’d go through a drive through for a coffee for myself then sit in the car park for the group before it started and read a book with my coffee while they finished sleeping/till group started. Second nap will be later in the afternoon so that gives you more time without having to rush home but similar principles to the routine above.

Work wise - if you do want to go back to work I am part time and love it. Nursery waiting lists can be insanely long so I would do some research and find out if any of the local school nurseries take from 2. If they do put their name on the list now. I would also research private nurseries and get their name down /find out how long the waiting list is, you can always ask to delay it for a few months if they are offered a place but it gives you a potential return to work date to look ahead to and will allow you to plan when you could work and what hours etc.

I do think the personality of the child makes a big difference, some children aren’t keen on being babies in my experience! Mine were much happier when they could do more and so was I. My youngest is 2.5 now and I am really enjoying it now that we’re in a good routine and she can do more.

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