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Parenting

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Missing an estranged family member

3 replies

Bakingmom · 30/06/2026 18:48

I’ve been estranged from my stepfather for just over 10 years since him and my mother divorced. Following their separation, we continued to have a close relationship and he said I’d always be his daughter. Unfortunately things got quite ugly with him and my family and in the end he cut ties with me. He had raised me most of my life, I was 21 at the time he left and although that is an adult, I felt like a child completely abandoned. This has left me with a lot of pain over the years, particularly going through having my children and getting married knowing he was not there. I felt like I’d mourned my dad I had as an child, even though he had not died. In recent years I’ve thought what might happen if I tried to contact him. Would he want to talk to me? Would he reject me and I’d feel hurt all over again? There’s so many times in my life I think of the dad I had and how much he’s missed. anyone have a similar story to mine? Any advice?

OP posts:
Twinkletoesandspaghettios · 01/07/2026 02:49

Context is needed. What got messy?

Purplepet · 01/07/2026 09:20

It might be worth exploring this with a counsellor, as if you decide to reach out to him and he doesn’t respond or rejects you again, then you need to be as emotionally prepared for this as you can be.

Or, you could write a letter - to yourself and keep it, don’t post it, just get your feelings down on paper.

Given the passage of time he may well be receptive to you, or, he could have a new partner and family now and won’t want to re-visit the past with you.

I have two step-parents and one I am happy to not have seen for years, and the other is a wonderful person that I am lucky to have in my life so I too think I would miss their presence greatly.

Sicario · 01/07/2026 09:37

Given that it all ended so badly between him and the rest of your family, I would think carefully. He has already been through the mill by the sounds of it and suffered a great deal or he wouldn't have cut contact with you. Dragging it all up again, which is inevitable when the past rears its head, may be unwelcome and indeed selfish.

Treasure your fond memories of him. I'm sure if he wanted to make contact with you he would be able to find you.

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